the mother is setting me up

the mother is bugging me about going to visit her for christmas.on the phone we were talking and she said WHEN YOU COME FOR CHRISTMAS.i had a knee jerk reaction and said I AM NOT COMMING FOR CHRISTMAS.the mother shut up for a few seconds like i slaped her and said i guess you really arnt.i was just thare for three weeks of hell.i hate the mother.she was supose to come here for christmas but said i didnt ack like i wanted her here so she isnt comming.now this.i think she knew i would say no and am now soon going to get a nasty letter from her letting me know how awfull i am etc...I hate the mother and now i told her no and i know i am going to suffer a huge fall out do to it .now all i want to do is SI i want to get so drunk and do whatever i dont even care because i so dont want to deal with what is comming up.i work untill 9 tonight and then whatever.i just dont care.my T doesnt care either i'm sure noone does.so if it will help why not i wont even let anyone know.so it wont bother people .i just so dont want to be dealing right now.i'm so angry.

(((granite)))
Breathe honey... we are here for you.

god i am so so angry right now i am lucky i have work as long as i dont have to talk to anyone i will be ok untill after work. my T cant even help me because that would mean i would have to be able to open my stupid mouth and accually use words to tell her what is going on and what i want to do.and that will never happen . all i have left is to SI and calm down.i hate that the mother has this much power over me with just one sentance and the fact that i said no

So a letter from her really bothers you? Why does an opinion from a woman such as her bother you? This woman is in the gutter.

Why do you say that your T doesn't care? And that no one else does?

Who are you bothering?

I don't blame you for being angry.



Please be safe...........

Maybe saying "no" to the mother has such power because when you deal with her you are sent back to be 5 years old? (This is common BTW until healing occurs or gets started).

i feel like i'm bothering everyone esp my husband because he is here having to deal with my anger and he is even commenting on the fact that i wont say anything to my T.and i dont really think anyone cares if i hurt myself or not and i dont want to bother anyone by telling anyone around that i feel that way.it will just get people angrier at me.i am just totally spiraling out and i hope maybe ill be calmer after i get to work.i hope noone talks to me because i will blow up and blow out of work i know i will.i so hate me right now.

i dont ever say no to the mother and this is why.thanks sannah you are so careing .i think ill be ok i really need to calm down i dont want to cause any problems for anyone.

Granite, I care if you hurt yourself. Can you take a few deep breathes and see if it can calm you down? What else can you do that can calm you down?

Granite,
Are you doing better? Just thinking of you.

((((((((((Granite)))))))))

I care about you. I want you to be safe.

i havnt SI yet andi am really trying not to.i'm here.dont know how well it will work but i really am taking it one minute at a time and you guys are all amazing.thankx

Good job!

That is awesome that you haven't SIed. That can be so hard. You are doing such a good job keeping yourself safe.

believe it or not i think i am i made it and i am going to sleep.thanks everyone

morning my friends i'm up bringing my husband to work.i am feeling a bit better and a bit more in controle and no SI

That is so awesome Granite. I'm proud of you for being able to keep yourself safe. That is a lot of hard work. I'm glad you are feeling better. I hope your session with T goes well today. Stay safe.

thanks googly i hope todays sesson goes ok

Granite, I am so happy that you kept yourself safe last night!

I want you to be safe ;-) we all do, it just doesn't quite register with some people-how hard it is. They do care, they just don't possibly know what exactly you are going through. ;-)

hang in there! :-}