I feel like trash

....a complete waste of space. All I do is cause people pain and screw up others' lives. I'm so mad at myself right now. I'm not even sure what for. Nothing makes sense. My emotions are going crazy. I feel so worthless. My parents got my progress report today. I only have 3 classes in highschool cause I go to the community college part time...yet I'm still not good enough. My grades were A, A+, and A+. My dad takes one look at it and goes,"what a surprise, all A's again". He said it like a parent who is at their wits end saying,"what a surprise, D's again". I can't do any better than that...why can't that be enough. I don't know what to do. I know I can't please them but I feel like there must be something I can do. I feel so helpless. I know this post could go in other categories but all I want to do is hurt myself as much as I deserve. I refuse to give up in quitting SI but this is tearing me apart and I don't know how much more I can take.

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{{{{{{ickydog}}}}}}} You aren't trash, I've been down like this...feeling I deserve to be hurt and punished, helpless, hopeless, worthless, not even a person. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. When you do your best, its always good enough...without anyone's approval, but your own. I know trying to 'do parents proud' is strong...but if they ignore your accomplishments--you needn't listen to their critism. Constructive critism, would be a different story--if you were getting low grades and they were trying to help bring them up, for example.</font>

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I refuse to give up in quitting SI but this is tearing me apart and I don't know how much more I can take.

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<font color="purple"> I was very glad to read this...I read it as strength of character. 53 days is a long time, very long to me. I know you don't know me from Adam...but I'm proud of you for the 53 days SI free.

I hope you find a way to feel better soon, you deserve to not be this low...you deserve to be out of the Pit.

Take care and keep us upated, ok? I will be thinking of you {{{{{ickydog}}}}}
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Hang in there. You're definitely not trash. You're at a point in your life where things are going to change for you soon. In a few years you'll be on your own, and your dad will be less of a constant presence.

(((((ickydog)))) I am a parent of 5 and it is so sad to me that your dad said that to you..gosh straight A's how awesome..that is something to be very proud of even if he doesnt say..and you go to community college part-time, that is amazing...I am proud of you(if that is ok) for your accomplishments..and you are most difinitely not a waste of space, nor worthless...you are valuable..truly valuable.

You may have misunderstood him. He could have meant it like "OH, NO surprise! MY wonderful daughter aced it out again!"
Maybe he's not good with expressing himself the way he means. I'm sure he didn't find fault with it. Can you ask him if he's happy with it? That will clear up any doubts.

((((((((((ickydog)))))))))))))) You are no such thing as a waste of space or worthless. I am proud of you and your accomplishments for what it is worth. I wish you could see your achievements as well as I can. Sometimes people get complacent when someone does well and forget that you need to hear how proud they are too. Maybe you could find the courage to ask them what they think of your academic accomplishments. You may be surprised at what you hear. Please bask in the rewards of your hard work. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Take care and I am glad you are attempting to not let your disappointment trigger you into SI. Be safe.

Thanks guys. I know he didn't mean I suck...but it sure sounds like it. I just want them to be proud of me ...and let me know it...instead of making sarcastic comments to me. I know thhey love me and care. But it is not like I haven't tried to talk to them about it. I thought he had gotten the point. I guess not.

I really do appreciate the responses. It is nice to feel cared for somewhere.

Your father sounds like he has a suit of protective armour on him. He's happy as a pig in shet but is trying to be cool about it. Don't take it to heart.
He sounds like he could be a little insecure. Just give him a great big hug out of nowhere and make him understand that he's very proud of you.
My step-dad, my Pop is the same way. Very little gushy emotional stuff coming from him. Always sarcasm. So, difiantly, I use to go out of my way to keep giving him hugs or demand them from him.
Yeah-demand. "Pop! Give me a HUG!!!!!" and he would.
It didn't make him any less sarcastic but I got my needs met and I think he secretly liked my forced hugs.
Don't let your Dad get away with that crap. Take the bull by the horns. Hug him and say "You're proud of me, aren't you, Dad?"
What the heck? Better then you feeling like poo.

Ickydog....
Soon you will be out of hs and in college ....a few years more will pass. Your good grades will take you far in this world because it means you can do anything you want with your life. You can dream a 1000 dreams and @ the end of the day know the world is yours.
Please stay safe. I know how hard it can be.

I had a similar relationship with my parents, and I just stopped caring. Became very saracastic and critical like them. It's something I still struggle with. If there's a silver lining to what's happening, it's that at least you haven't succumbed to the "not caring" trap.