Worthless, Trash, Empty,

***********Trigger Warning****************

I am having so much difficulty with my sessions with T, he is so detached. I don't think I'll ever get past this. My emotions are chaotic at best. He didn't bother to read my email, I called and he didn't bother to answer that. I guess I'm too needy, he's treating me like I'm a leper. It makes me feel so worthless, like trash, so empty. I took my daughter to the movies tonight but it was sold out, and she told me that we should have gone to the earlier show. She was so angry at me. I told this to my husband and he yelled, "What do you want me to do about it? That has nothing to do with me!" I just started bawling. So, my husband turns around and walks out of the room. It hurt so much. I feel like nothing. It was so devastating. **I sliced my arm from my wrist to about half way up to my elbow.** Work is emotionally draining. How the &#@$ am I supposed to deal with the stuff I am working on with T and deal with all of this other @$%#&? And Pink, where are you? Have I also said something to upset you? I imagine with your training that you have already figured how $#@%ing worthless, useless I am. I don't know if I'm going to make it through this. I want to escape all of this. I am sooo upset! All I can do is sit here and cry. I'm such a monster

(((((((((( Soliaree )))))))))))

I"m so sorry you're feeling so distraught tonight.

You've had a hard day and it seems like your needs were getting pushed aside by others. You haven't been heard today and you are very understandably frustrated and hurt.

That hurts and surely leads to feelings of emptiness. But, no, it doesn't mean you are a bit worthless!

Echoes,
Thank you so much! I went on chat and feel better. Thanks for your reply. They are always so helpful. It's been a bad day to say the least.
Love you!

{{{{{{Soliaree}}}}}} I just read your post & it brought tears to my eyes I really wish I could hug you warm right now instead of just tapping on these stupid keys!

I have felt myself in your position before. I have daughters and have had moments almost identical. She was just disappointed. NOTHING to do with you at all. You didn't fill up the theater. Husbands are terrible in these situations cause they can't DO anything. Therefore it's not their concern.

You are so very valuable. Please know this. I do. I am thinking about and loving you right now.

tulips

Soliaree, I'm so sorry for your bad day. There are many days I have had almost exactly the same experience--volatile, unreasonable, and angry outburst from my daughter directed at me, and distant, uncaring display from husband.

With your daughter, I don't think it is personal. Is she a teen? I have two teen daughters and they are just so volatile and angry sometimes--it defies reason. I remember being much more controlled at that age, but my girls are not. They just are very illogical and nothing is ever their fault. It sounds like your husband didn't know what you wanted from him. In a calmer time, can you tell him what you need from him during these challenging times of being a parent? For example, maybe you just want him to listen to you and give you a hug. Or maybe you want his advice on how to handle angry outbursts from your daughter. Or maybe you want him to talk to your daughter. He didn't know and sounded frustrated with that, so he left. Try telling him what you need and see if he can provide it next time. If you tell him and he says "screw that," then at least you tried, and can move on to dealing with the information that your husband is not interested in helping you in situations like that. But give him a chance first by telling him directly what you need.

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I am having so much difficulty with my sessions with T, he is so detached.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Do you say that just because he didn't email or phone you back? Or is he acting that way also face to face? If so, I hope you can tell him that you perceive his behavior in session as detached. This is a way of telling your T what you need from him. Again, much like the husband situation, they don't necessarily know what we need unless we tell them.

(((((((((( Soliaree )))))))))))

Its hard to deal with kids sometimes and not take their angry outbursts personally. My husband is like that too-- 'What do you want me to do about it? You're the one who lets him talk to you that way!'

I hope you can talk to T about his lack of response.

Thanks for your concern, guys.
It was one of those days that kept getting worse and worse! My daughter was just disappointed, I know. My husband always walks away from me when I am crying, it's like it makes him angry. He'll see me upset and say something like, "unbelievable." He has a fear of any kind of intimacy which doesn't help when all you want is someone to give you a hug and to hold you. My daughter actually saw me crying later, came up to me, gave me a really tight hug and told me she loved me. (I do this with her when she is upset). I love her so much! What a wonderful daughter I have

I do plan on telling all of this to T. I am not feeling really close to him now and this bothers me. He is definitely only someone I hired. This hurts majorly. I want him to care for me more than that but know it will never happen. This is another this that makes me feel worthless. Ugh. I guess I'll trudge through somehow. Thanks for the wonderful replies. I love you guys -- you are the only ones that I can speak to who truly understand. My husband doesn't, or won't listen. My friends try to understand, but don't. I'm glad all of you are here.

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Soliaree said:
And Pink, where are you? Have I also said something to upset you? I imagine with your training that you have already figured how worthless, useless I am. I don't know if I'm going to make it through this.

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Ah, but I wouldn't bother to be in training if I thought anyone was a worthless, usless person. Why bother to be a therapist if I didn't believe that people are amazing and change is possibe for anyone, including you ? You are going through a bad, bad time. I am so proud of you that you are still willing to work through this with your T despite the detachment you feel. Your honesty with him is admirable and believe me, it will help you in the long run. It's the honesty that hurts in there here-and-now, I know. I am here for you; you can know that, too.

Pink,
Thanks so much. I am going through a rough time and don't feel like myself. I think people are angry at me, hate me everywhere I look for some reason? Your support means everything. You and all of the others here at PC have helped me more that anyone will ever realize. I love y'all! And knowing you are all here will help me make it through. You will be an amazing therapist, Pink. You always know just what to say
Love ya'.

Soliaree, stop thinking so much; looks like you're pretty bad at it at the moment That's the only thing wrong with you that I can see, you have a glitch in your thinker because everyone else keeps throwing spanners into it.



You're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit! Come here instead of putting up with your daughter's pouts, your husband's insecurities, and we all know about work! We'll take care of you here.

There are probably more appropriate places to put this , but because the "unfeeling hubby" came up here, I'm doing it here.

This was a MAJOR problem for me and because I have had problems and am a crier, I had to find ways to work on it It was joepardizing my marriage.Generalization.....but mostly true is that men ARE doers. From the "get-go", they are wondering "what am I supposed to do" OR "what can I do to make this better." Women are different. We usually need comfort, a shoulder and a sense of empathy. We are not stupid. We know the difference between what somebody else can make better and what they can't.

When upset, I began asking my husband to "just sit for one minute PLEASE" I explained to him that I didn't expect him to be able to make anything better or for him to do ANYTHING. I told him that I needed a sounding board and an ear. I promised him that each time I asked him to sit that I would tell him which it was....Either I just wanted his shoulder for a few minutes or I really did needed his advice. It took some practice, but it has been amazing. I can see his whole body relax when I say "ok, I just need your shoulder for a few minutes." OR, sometimes I say, "ok, I really need your brain & advice on this one" After a few times, when i only wanted an ear, he actually came over to me and put his arm around me He knew that all he had to do was sit there. It made him feel needed , but relaxed. He didn'd have to think or make it better.

This may be old news to most, but it made a world of difference for me and what he has been able/willing to give me. It has even stopped me from having to call t many times. For those w/out spouses, but w/significant others (if they are male) it works too.