[thine_self_untrue]

You know what? I disgust myself.

I don't even need to, don't really want to, totally shouldn't, but you know what? I think I might.

Why? Who knows, who cares, it doesn't matter and it never really has.

Blow off past success, people who care about you and all that ****. Doesn't matter, right?

You know what? This is a mistake too.

[puzzclar]

I hate to tell you there are some times that we do disgust us. But Guess what, We need to just keep going. We do matter, Don't Blow off the past success. Don't fall back into that area, it's not worth it. And no, this post is not a mistake. Venting allways helps.

[Sannah]

[Ebpm]

Hang in there :-) I know it really truly sucks at first but when you take it a day at a time you'll feel so much better trust me. Always know that you aren't alone. ;-) it may seem that way sometimes but it's a lie.

;-)

[thine_self_untrue]

Sorry. I don't know why I'm suddenly losing it.

[Sannah]

I'm sure there are reasons. There always are.

[Skully]

I hope things are getting better for you since your original post. I am sorry you have to feel this way, I know it is not easy! But there will always be someone here for you when you need it

(((((Thine))))) You are lovely,you are having a down portion of time.Please be tender to yourself and hold on tight for this to pass.

[thine_self_untrue]

Thanks all. I appreciate it.

I've been talking to someone about it... He's been very accepting, but I am so ashamed. It's so painful for me to talk about and while he says everything is okay, I know it's not. My SI doesn't just hurt me anymore.

In spite of this, I still don't want to stop. I went three months without any cutting and only a few instances of bashing my head against something but I never thought of it as having "quit". Just time off. I didn't "need" it then.

I look at my ugly leg and I see scars. Will that ever be different?

[Sannah]

If I remember correctly you don't have a therapist?

Yes......you can progress to healing...and someone can love you with leg scars.This made me think when I was younger.There was a guy I knew...he was shy and kind of quiet. The more I got to know him the more attractive he became .It was because his beauty from inside began to overtake what my eyes were too limited to see.That was that his spirit was beautiful.Honestly Thine....since I have been at p.c...I have noticed an inner loveliness from you.Surely you'll be loved and appreciated by someone.One day you will look at those scars and the more they fade ,the more you will realize just how far you've come and how beautiful you have always been!~WO.olf

[hrdcoreathlete]

Well looking at it logically, no it will never go away, they will always be there...but the amazing part is is that with recovery we are restored. We are create new as we take new steps in our lives. I know it sounds really crazy but you will make a huge impact as long as you allow yourself to take a step forward. Do not get discouraged as you take 2 steps back and do not feel yourself moving forward. Scars are a tricky thing...I have many of them, many of them I am very ashamed of. I make up stories constantly...But, you will get through it, I believe in you even if you do not. You are beautiful despite what you think or what others have told you!

Keep your head up

[thine_self_untrue]

You remember correctly, Sannah. That's not an option for me right now.

I'm frustrated that I still don't want to stop. Seriously. What will it take for me to get over myself and stop destorying what I have? I'm angry with myself for ever starting, much less keeping it up. How can I accept past scars when I keep making them?

I know I can be found lovable by others, but I also feel guilty. I don't deserve love because I can't give it back right.

Thanks to anyone who listens to the confused ramblings of a half hearted idiot.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

I don't deserve love because I can't give it back right.

Can you explain more here? What does "giving love back right" look like?

[thine_self_untrue]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Can you explain more here? What does "giving love back right" look like?

Feeling something for the people you care about and being able to express it in ways they understand.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

I know I can be found lovable by others,

but I also feel guilty.

I don't deserve love because I can't give it back right.

It's okay, take the love. You are probably responding back more than you think you are.

TSU, how are you?
I've been scratch-free for awhile, but suddenly, I'm a bit off course.
Try and focus on the sunny side anyway. For me, I know I'll be seeing the sun soon even though outside may be cloudy.

Maybe this will help?:
http://zenhabits.net/25-killer-actio...lf-confidence/

Post-script: You are awesome!
Post-post-script: Who actually says "post-script" anymore?

[thine_self_untrue]

Not so great, Opaque. More cuts. Funny how I love a red mark, yet loathe a purple scar.
I've been so irritable lately. Ugh. I'm not coping well and every time cutting gets more appealing. There are so many stupid reasons to do it and so many reasons not to do it and so many thing to do to not do it... I will drown in my disgusting, miniscule self.

I'm sorry, Thine.
You know, there are many reasons to SI, but simply by not doing SI allows for more happiness. It's tough, and you might hate not doing SI (I can understand how that feels), but when you see the light at the end of the tunnel again, you'll be glad you didn't cut.

Awh, you won't drown in yourself. That's not possible! :P But seriously, I know you're strength will keep you up and running. You can do this, friend!