Ready to give it up

Which one are you trying?

grounding

Which one of the grounding?

touching and trying to ground using objects. This one stone usually does it but it isn’t, I’m freaking out. My head is throbbing and I want to give in so badly. I can’t fight the urges. I want to really deep.

Try something different then. Touch something different that you usually don't use or use a different sense and then tell me what you are feeling or if using a different sense tell me what you are experiencing.

I tried something different and it didn’t help

I’m trying to focus on breathing now but it isn’t helping either

When you are deep breathing are you focusing on calming yourself/centering yourself?

Yes I am, it’s helping a little bit now but the urges are still there.

Good, calming yourself will be really good.

The urges are still there though. I can’t fight much longer.

Have you ever done something before which helped?

In the past yes, but recently being able to stop urges has been random and sporadic

Have you read that sticky up there, "what else to do instead of SI"? You calmed yourself some? This is really good. Does my signature apply to your situation right now at all?

Yes I have read the sticky but nothing ever seems to help and if it does, well it’s pure luck.

yes

Yes, that you calmed or yes to my signature or both?

No I’m not calmed down yet.

yes to the signature, sorry I didn’t make that clear.

I’m less freaked out but the urges are still really bad.

So you feel small and trapped? If so, what can you do that can expand your space?

You are less freaked out - this is good.

What is driving these urges? What feeling do you need to get out to release yourself?

I don’t know.

I guess.

I don’t know what is driving them that’s the problem. I don’t know what is causing the urges but it’s tearing me apart. I want to get something out but I don’t know what.

You were talking about therapy. The other day you were saying how you don't want to depend on her. Maybe this is scaring you?

I really don’t want to. I don’t know. It is scaring me I guess. I really don’t know and I’m starting to freak out again.

Bingo, this is what is bothering you. Deep breathes....... It is okay to be scared, but you can handle this. You have always handled everything that has come your way. This is a relationship with your therapist. She is a good therapist. She has done things which told you that she is a good therapist?

I hate being scared. I can’t stand it. Being scared is terrible.

I guess I have handled everything that has. I don’t want to get too close to her. I don’t know why I just don’t. I guess she has done things that have told me she is but I don’t know. I feel trapped.

We all feel scared at times and we all pull through (most of us anyway). I can understand why you wouldn't want to get close to her. Trust is probably hard for you. You can take your time. You are in control of this relationship. You are not trapped. Stretch your hands out over your head. You are not small. You are big and you have power.

I gave in and I don’t know how to feel about it.

My friend who is staying with me turned the corner and saw me do it and she dropped her book and walked out.

Keep looking forward. Sounds like you didn't do the damage that you wanted to do? If so this is good. Can you sleep now?