[Squirrel1983]

So, I have a question whether or not something would be considered SI or not? And whether or not I should tell my pdoc about it? I'm not sure if what I have a problem with is SI or something else...though I have come to the conclusion that it is a problem.

Is picking scabs just to see blood SI or not?

I mean I'll get a bug bite and I'll scratch it until it bleeds, then when it scabs over I will pick it just to see it bleed. Eventually, I'll pick it so much that something the size of an ant bite will turn into a sore that is about an inch or more in diameter. I'll do the same thing with pimples on my face. I will pop them and watch them bleed and then start picking at the scab when it forms. Or if my cat scratches me, I will pick at the scratch scab and turn the scratch into a gash.

I had a scratch turned gash on my upper arm once when I was sick with sinus stuff and at the walk-in health clinic. The nurse taking my blood pressure asked what happened. I said my cat scratched me. Then he commented that it looked more like a mountain lion scratched me.

Is what I am doing SI? Or is it something else? I'm embarrassed admitting this even here (but at least I can be "anonymous" here). I can't imagine admitting this to my pdoc. Should he know?

My parents when I visit them will ask me why I scratch my scabs (they can tell I do). I get embarrassed to admit I like picking them, find it fun, and like to see blood, so instead I tell them that they itch (they really don't) and I scratch them in my sleep. So, I guess they look bad enough that other people can tell I scratch them. Though my pdoc has never asked about them.

Any advice from anyone?

[Xeneon]

Well its kind of SI but is it a compulsion? If so you are you may have Dermatillomania which is a compulsion to pick at ones skin like scabs and its a repetitive. This is the tricky part for you because you like to see the blood, which causing harm to you so yes its SIing in away. I totally think you need to tell your therapist or pdoc because it can be worked out. The question is it a compulsion? If not then its SIing because you like to see yourself bleed, with some cutters they will cut because they like seeing there blood because it shows them that they are still alive. Of course not all cutters cut for that reason. If you think its a problem you forsure need to tell your pdoc or T. God bless!

[Squirrel1983]

Originally Posted by Xeneon

Well its kind of SI but is it a compulsion? If so you are you may have Dermatillomania which is a compulsion to pick at ones skin like scabs and its a repetitive. This is the tricky part for you because you like to see the blood, which causing harm to you so yes its SIing in away. I totally think you need to tell your therapist or pdoc because it can be worked out. The question is it a compulsion? If not then its SIing because you like to see yourself bleed, with some cutters they will cut because they like seeing there blood because it shows them that they are still alive. Of course not all cutters cut for that reason. If you think its a problem you forsure need to tell your pdoc or T. God bless!

I had never heard of Dermatillomania, so I looked it up on wikipedia and that appears to be more what I have from teh description I read. Thanks for mentioning it. Guess I need to ask my pdoc about it on Monday.

[KeepHoldingOn]

Either way it would be beneficial to talk to your pdoc about it.

[Squirrel1983]

I know I "should" probably bring this up with my pdoc, and yesterday I decided I was going to. Now today, I am chickening out again. I like to write my thoughts out before I go, as it helps be better organize them and I just can't bring myself to write that I compulsively scratch/pick my scabs. My next appointment with him is Monday, maybe by then I will be brave enough to mention it again. Right now I am leaning toward not saying something. Argh! I don't want to be labeled as "crazy" and put on more medication than I already am on. So frustrating...

[Sannah]

I'm thinking anxiety/compulsion. You know, you are anxious and you direct this anxiety into this activity. (OCD) The other thing I was thinking was that you could be punishing yourself?

Definitely something to share with your pdoc. Do you have a therapist too?

[Squirrel1983]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Definitely something to share with your pdoc. Do you have a therapist too?

No, I don't have a therapist. I've never thought I needed one before.

[Sannah]

I'm a therapy advocate. IMO if you need psychiatric meds you need therapy. Therapy will enable you to work on the issues. The meds just treat the symptoms.

[Kate9843123]

Heyy, I'm gonna jump in here. Don't worry about sounding crazy because your not. Sounds like anxiety related to OCD which a lot a people suffer with. The nice thing about anxiety disorders is that cognitive behavioral therapy is effective for many people. Some never use meds, it is all dependent on the person. You do need to speak up, however, anxiety tends to progressively get worse without treatment. This is nothing to be ashamed of, if it helps chalk it up to biological brain imbalances, because that is a large part of it anyway! Best of luck!

[googley]

I agree w/ Sannah. Dealing with something like this does not require meds (though some people do need them if it is serious enough, at least at the beginning) if you are able to get into therapy and deal with what is behind the behavior and learn better coping skills. So if you don't want meds, there are other ways to treat it, but it would most likely require T. Good luck.

[Squirrel1983]

So I had an appointment with my pdoc this afternoon. My arm was pretty covered with sores. I guess he noticed because he asked what happened. I said I get scratches and bug bites and scratch at them makign them bigger. His response...."you don't want to do that" DUH!!! I know that. He just left it at that. Guess he wasn't too concerned about it. I chickened out of telling him I can't stop myself. Maybe it'll come up again later and I will be braver. *sigh*

[googley]

I agree that he did not understand the difference between someone else just scratching a sore because it itches (like in their sleep) and you feeling compelled to itch at them. I hope that next time you see him you are able to tell him. You deserve to feel better.

[Squirrel1983]

Maybe I will write a letter in a week or so and send it to my pdoc, so he gets it before my next appointment, so I am "forced" not to "chicken" out of telling him next time. Usually when I write a letter or send an email, at my next appointment he'll say, "I got your letter/email, so what's going on." He of course knows whats going on if he read the letter/email (and I assume he does), but he wants me to voice it as well. So I have to be completely honest, since he already knows what I wrote. I don't feel comfortable emailing that I might need to see a T for my scab picking, so I will write a letter. It would be great to get my pdoc's input on whether or not he thinks I need a T to work through my issues or if it is something else that can be solved with medication or it I would need a little of both. I've been seeing him for almost 3 years, so I trust his judgement/opinion on most issues. He's not one to just slap medication on. When he found out I was hearing voices, he wanted to wait another month before increasing my antipsychotic to see if the voices were just temporary stressed induced. He only increased it because I said I doubted they were from stress because I had been hearing them for months. So, I know his solution to this "new" issue will not automatically be "Oh you need this medicine." Unless he really feels that it would help me.

I'm scared at the idea of going to a T. I've never been one to openly talk about my issues with others. If I am "shy" and don't say much, how can a T really help me? But if my pdoc tells me it would be beneficial, I am willing to give it a try.

[KeepHoldingOn]

That is a great idea. I hope you send the letter/email and are able to talk your pdoc openly.

Trusting a T doesn’t come easy to everyone, it’s okay to be shy and nervous at first, they will help you. You can eventually learn to open up to your T. The whole process takes time.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

I'm scared at the idea of going to a T. I've never been one to openly talk about my issues with others. If I am "shy" and don't say much, how can a T really help me? But if my pdoc tells me it would be beneficial, I am willing to give it a try.

Yes, this is something that can be worked through. I like your idea of a letter to your pdoc! Please keep us posted........

[Xeneon]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

So I had an appointment with my pdoc this afternoon. My arm was pretty covered with sores. I guess he noticed because he asked what happened. I said I get scratches and bug bites and scratch at them makign them bigger. His response...."you don't want to do that" DUH!!! I know that. He just left it at that. Guess he wasn't too concerned about it. I chickened out of telling him I can't stop myself. Maybe it'll come up again later and I will be braver. *sigh*

I think a letter is a good idea. I wish you the best of luck. Just don't be scared, YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

[Squirrel1983]

Wrote the letter to my pdoc tonight. Don't have a printer though, so I'll have to wait until I go to my dad's later this week to print it out. Then I will mail it. Here's what I wrote for those that want to know. Does anyone think I should add or take anything out before sending it?

LETTER TO PDOC:

Dr. XYZ:

I don't know how to exactly bring this up, but I do have a concern about myself. I don't know if it is something psychological or not, that is why I am mentioning it to you, maybe you can help me determine if it is a “mental” problem or not, and whether I need to seek counseling or something for it.

So, at my last appointment, you noticed the sores on my arm and asked what happened. I told you that I get cat scratches and pick at them. You told me I didn't want to do that. I know I shouldn't, but I do. What I didn't tell you is I find picking at them “fun” and a lot of times even comforting. Sometimes I am fascinated at the sight of blood after picking it. It's strange, I know I shouldn't, but I can't seem to stop myself. I have been doing this as long as I can remember (even as a kid), so maybe it is just a bad habit that I need to break, I don't exactly know. When I was a kid I had a fascination with band-aids, so that might have been why I picked as a kid...but band-aids no longer interest me, so I basically just pick for the sake of picking now. I don't pick because my sores/bites/whatever itch, like some people may do. I just pick because it relaxes me.

My dad and his new wife will notice my sores like you did, but I am ashamed/embarrassed to tell them the truth, so I lie and tell them that I scratch them in my sleep. This is not true. I am fully awake when I do my picking. In my sleep is the only time they have the opportunity to scab over. I don't know if my mom and her new husband notice or not. If they do, they don't say anything to me about it. I am pretty sure other people notice as they will either stare at the sores or stare at the multiple band-aids I will be wearing. I don't like the looks I get anymore. I used to not care, but now I do. I want to stop this “sick” habit, but I don't know how. I want help.

Do you think this is a psychological problem or not? Do you think I would benefit from counseling/therapy? Would that even help me? I don't think there is any medicine that would solve my problem, and I would rather not add any additional medications anyways, unless absolutely necessary. So, the only other thing I could think of that might help me is therapy, but I wanted a professional opinion on the matter. What are your thoughts on the matter? If you feel I should seek therapy, what type would you recommend (i.e. - a psychologist, a licensed metal health counselor, etc.)?

If I should seek therapy, it would probably be best to start sooner rather than later, so if you think that is the route I should go, I would appreciate a call or letter telling me this rather than waiting until my next appointment with you. But, if you want to hold off on advising me until my next appointment, that would be fine too, I'll trust your judgment on the matter. Thank you for taking the time to read my concerns.

Sincerely,

Squirrel1983

[Xeneon]

I think it was well written...=D Good job, I'm gladed you wote the letter...=D

[Squirrel1983]

Got afraid of printing the letter out at my dad's. I was afraid that somehow he or his wife would be able to see what I wrote if I used their computer to print it. So I decided that email would be safer, so I just shot the letter off in an email to my pdoc. We'll see if he responds or waits till my next appointment again.

[Sannah]

Very good!

[Xeneon]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

Got afraid of printing the letter out at my dad's. I was afraid that somehow he or his wife would be able to see what I wrote if I used their computer to print it. So I decided that email would be safer, so I just shot the letter off in an email to my pdoc. We'll see if he responds or waits till my next appointment again.

Better to be safe then sorry. Keep us up to date!! If you feel like it but it would be nice know if your pdoc took your concern for real.

[Squirrel1983]

Still waiting for pdoc to respond, if he even will. I went ahead and looked up psychologists covered by my insurance though and called a few. The first 3 or 4 I called were not accepting new patients. The next one I called said if I scheduled an appointment with a counselor, I also needed to schedule one with a psychiatriast. I didn't think to say that I already had a pdoc. That appointment with their pdoc (not mine) isn't until Spetember, so maybe when I go talk to the counselor next week I can explain to her that I only want counseling and already have a pdoc so i need to cancel the other appointment.

So I have an appointment with a T July 1st. They are calling it prescreening, I will have to explain that I am already seen for some of my issues when I get there. I really don't want a new pdoc, I like my current one just fine.

Guess I should email my pdoc back saying don't bother responding because I already made an appointment with a T.

[Squirrel1983]

Got thinking and decided the you have to make an appointment with a pdoc as well was a little weird for me. So I searched my insurance directory some more and called a few more. Found one who isn't in a "group" that can see me Tuesday, so in the end I get in sooner. Now to call and cancel the other places appointments. I'd feel weird calling the same day and canceling, so maybe I will call tomorrow and cancel. I told the one I am going to see on Tuesday that I had a psychiatrist too and she said it was good I keep up with those appointments, so she seems supportive of it and willing to help me with my issues. She mentioned cognitive behavior therapy or something like that when I talked to her on the phone. She also took my email and said she likes to send email reminders of appointments as well as calling the day before, so the fact that she is open to communicating in email might be a plus for me.

[Sannah]

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PTSDlovemycats]

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

Is picking scabs just to see blood SI or not?

I had a scratch turned gash on my upper arm once when I was sick with sinus stuff and at the walk-in health clinic. The nurse taking my blood pressure asked what happened. I said my cat scratched me. Then he commented that it looked more like a mountain lion scratched me.

Yes this is SI. You need to tell your T about this to get the appropriate treatment.