rant, trigger

why do psychs and therapists think that if they talk to you for 1 hour, every two weeks, that they are helping you in any way?. dont they understand that when you leave the office after speaking to them you are more depressed than when you first went in, if thats possible,

they say you are confronting your problems, yet fail to realise the reason you are depressed is you are trying to stay away from the "problems" because you dont have the support network to cope in the first place. they also fail to realise that you have no support network to call upon when things get out of your control, and expect you to be able to cope until the next meeting in 14 days.

hospitals are a waste of time, if you go to the hospital and tell them you are going to self harm, for example, they say that you know something is going to happen so you yourself can stop it, when will they realise that people like me cant stop, i have to see it threw to the end, to stop / feel anything, and the next time they see me, later that same night, i am cut to pieces when all i wanted was someone to talk to, to understand, and to help.

this in one way is a rant, but in another, what is/has happened to me this week, i know it is not going to get any better in the near future, my homelessness doesnt help has i have to repeat my "life story" every day to differant case workers, in differant day centres, to try and gain someware to live, which in turn is making me want to cut more and more every time i leave the various buildings has i know it is all going to be for naught at the end of the day,

it doesnt help that i cant sleep for more than 2 hours at a time, and not outside, in the doorway i have choosen at all, nore does it help that everyone who walks past me whilst i am sat there in my sleeping bag, on the bare floor, depressed has hell, point and stare at me, or pull their children away has if i am a lepper just because they dont understand.

dont they realise that their stares and attitude cut me deeper than i ever could with a razor?
that i am emotionally devoid when i cut and i do it thinking it should be them i am cutting and not myself?

i better stop now, it will get edited to bits, night all.

This sounds like a terrible situation, mellors. I'm sorry your therapist and hospital are so unhelpful. I think you're so right about the problems...so often it's not the problems themselves, but the inability to deal with them--that's the problem.

((((((((((mellors)))))))))

mellors, I'm not sure this would be any use but how about calling into your nearest Samaritans centre and seeing what they can suggest (if anything). I don't know where you are, but there is one here in Manchester, though I've never been in. Isn't there any kind of centre for the homeless where you are? I can try looking places up for you if you like, if I know where you are.

Silver

(((((((((((((((((mellors)))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you are not getting the support you need from your t and the hospital.

silver it is because of the homeless day centres that i am feeling like this, to get any of the services they allegedly supply you have to speak to unqualified assesment officers so everyday i am having to rehash everything over and over and it is getting me down big time,

the mental assesment team i saw this week were more interested in 5 year old records, when i last had an assesment with them, than what has / is happening now. it is relentless, but i have to do it just to get the next referal to the next stage, without them i would be back to square one,

the point i was trying to make yesterday was no matter what i say to these people it doesnt matter, they dont care, it is just more paper work for them, they are going threw the motions, and i am literaly and figurativly going threw the grinder, i thought i was mentally strong enought to cope with all this, i was wrong.

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so alone and have no resources at all. I'd offer you some shelter if I were closer to you, but I am not. Try to hang in there as much as possible.

I understand *TOTALLY*... Wish we could be homeless together. At least we'd have each other for support between "T" time. I have no one but my T. And his extra-short voice mail. Sometimes I think that life will never be/feel better unless I start living with him--my T--so he will always be there when I need him, whether I realize it or want it, or not. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{mellors}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(((((mellors))))) wish we could help !!!! too far away !!

can't even help our own schizophrenic son, he's gone

homeless by choice, rather than put up with the

inquisition.

Try to keep hanging in there, & not cut, your son will

need you one day, & you should try not to be dead.