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#1
Dec 24, 2011, 12:19 AM
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Last year, I was in the nut ward for Christmas and then attempted suicide on December 28th. Mega shame, guilt, sadness, etc about that
This year, I am sick and will probably have to miss christmas again  I just want to cut. To hide away all of the pain and the hopelessness and the guilt, i just need it to go away. The only way to do that right now is to cut |
 mommyof2girls, notablackbarbie, Sanada, thine_self_untrue
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 Sanada
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#2
Dec 24, 2011, 12:29 AM
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((((((((((((Nicole))))))))))))
I am so sorry this is such a hard time of year for you.  
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#3
Dec 24, 2011, 12:32 AM
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Hopefully the sickness will lift soon. If not, keep the hope it will go away in time.
I do understand about this time of year being hard. It is for me too. |
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#4
Dec 24, 2011, 12:35 AM
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((((((((((nicoleb)))))))))))
Giving you a gentle hug if ok. Get well soon, ok?
__________________
 notz |
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#5
Dec 24, 2011, 01:05 AM
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I am feeling slightly better. Still pretty sick. Really want to cut just to make all of the insane feelings to go away. I can't handle this next week without my t!
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| Anonymous59365
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#6
Dec 24, 2011, 03:21 AM
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Please just do the best you can. I'm thinking of you.
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#7
Dec 24, 2011, 01:57 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Dec 24, 2011, 06:20 PM
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#9
Dec 24, 2011, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
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#10
Dec 24, 2011, 10:16 PM
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hello nicole..
 .its ****** sometimes the memories of 'Last Year'. hospital..fck..sorry. well nicole i will be here 4 you. Happy Holidays.
__________________
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement . But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth. (Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics. The universe started with an 'E'. The universe will end with a 'K'. (lyrics Acid House) Its the truth even if it did not happen. (Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
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#11
Dec 25, 2011, 12:17 AM
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managed to make it through today. I am feeling really really sick again though
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#12
Dec 25, 2011, 01:44 AM
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I can't handle it anymore. The flashbacks of last christmas followed by my suicide attempt. I just need to make the thoughts stop!
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#13
Dec 25, 2011, 02:39 AM
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This I understand too well. And the desire to just have the thoughts stop is very strong, but we are here for you. I take it, distractions aren't helping at all right now. If they are great!! Have you tried typing/writing something and then destroying it (sheder or not even saving it) about all of the flashbacks, and thoughts associated with the past. It could help, it's worth trying.
Or try and focus on helping your daughter to have a good Christmas, ask her what she wants to do, and then be with her. It will be hard, but if you start serving her, it could just help you... I hope you can handle this, I know you can!!!
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#14
Dec 25, 2011, 04:36 AM
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Quote:
I can't make the thoughts and the flashbacks go away. I have to cut to make it go away. I can't handle the images anymore |
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#15
Dec 25, 2011, 06:48 PM
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"I can't handle the images anymore" I just wish I knew a way that would help to have them stop. but I don't. If cutting is the only way to make it through then well you know the rest.
You are still around your family, don't blame your condition on being a bad parent. You are ill, and yes it affects everyone around you. This type of condition is hard to handle and not see so many images. It's hard, and all we can do is be there for you. |
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#16
Dec 25, 2011, 11:11 PM
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I cut, this morning somewhere close to 4:30. I wish the insomnia wasn't so bad. When I can't sleep is when I cut the most.
I am physically ill from some sort of virus... a cold and laryngitis so that isn't helping anything. I threw up when I cut. I don't know if it was because I was so, so exhausted, or maybe just because I am so disgusted with myself, I don't know. I just want to feel better. |
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#17
Dec 26, 2011, 12:37 AM
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The virus will go away, the larynqitis will go away. So that's good news. But you made it through the day!!! that's wonderful. Yes what you are going through is hard, but you have company to go along with you. (I'm going through similar things) Your not alone, and neither am I. Feeling better takes time... unfortunately |
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#18
Dec 26, 2011, 01:08 AM
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I am trying not to cut again tonight. I am so overwhelmed by everything right now. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my t that I cut again She will give up on me!
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#19
Dec 26, 2011, 03:21 AM
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(((((nicoleb2))))) I am so sorry you're feeling bad right now. If I've got my timing right, you made it thru Christmas Day? Bet your kids were glad their mommy was there.
hopefully you'll feel better after holidays.I'll be honest, I don't cut or have desire to. Me being bipolar, I can understand having to struggle almost daily though. Wish I had some great words of wisdom for you & for myself but I don't. If you are afraid your T will quit seeing you because you cut again, then I would reconsider if she is the right T for you. They are supposed to hang in there with you & help you with your issues. For now it's a new day. Please be kind to yourself. Take good care!!
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#20
Dec 27, 2011, 02:14 PM
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I managed to survive the holidays. I cut a couple of times, but at least I got through it.
Not sure if it's the depression, or the fact that I have not been consistently taking ritalin, but I have been SO tired the last few days. All i do is sleep
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#21
Dec 27, 2011, 05:31 PM
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So glad that you made it through.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#22
Dec 27, 2011, 07:27 PM
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But sleep is a good thing when you are tired... Congrats on making it through Christmas. Sleeping could help to not have anymore flashbacks. Let us know how you are doing.
Smile you made it through Christmas!!!
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#23
Dec 27, 2011, 11:09 PM
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Started taking the ritalin again and I am much more able to stay awake, which is good since my 6 and 9 year olds are off of school till January 3rd!
I'm not sure how sleep will go tonight, although if I had to guess, I'd guess it'll be crappy as usual. I am still struggling with all the memories and images of last year. I'm trying really hard to look at it as I'm not as bad as I was last year, but I still feel bad because I still think about suicide, far more often than I should. I have been incredibly, rediculously irritable and crabby lately, and I still am. I don't even know why I am being so crabby. I don't even like myself, not sure how anyone else puts up with me. |
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#24
Dec 28, 2011, 02:22 AM
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Ok, having MAJOR tooth pain right now. Can't do anything about it.
I want to cut, and make some BIG cuts to distract from the tooth pain. Yep, trading physical pain for physical pain. One I'd have control over, the other I don't... |
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#25
Dec 28, 2011, 08:27 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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