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  #1  
Old May 24, 2012, 12:31 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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I would like some support if possible. I am in the middle of a load of emotions but most significantly feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness. There are so many areas of my life that are unsatisfactory and I am working hard to improve these but I have realised recently that I have no positive activities that I look forward to. My main upset is that I have no friends living near me and so I am very reliant on my parents. I get on well with my parents and they are a great support but it is not the same as having friends my age.

I've decided to take some time out from therapy - very short term - in order to spend some time and energy on trying to find a bit of a balance. I think my main concern is that as my mood is very low and energy levels are in short supply I may feel the need to self harm in order to cope. I want this time out to be a positive one but I have often found that in order to move forward in different aspects of my life I have needed to self harm to get rid of/deal with my difficult emotions

I feel I have been making really hard choices not to self harm over the last 5 months and have been able to enjoy the freedoms of being cut free. I want to continue with this but I also want to have energy to do things, like meet friends, which can cause a turmoil of emotions.....what I am wondering is if perhaps I should also give myself an amnesty from pushing myself so hard to not self harm whilst I search for the balance?

What do you all think?

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  #2  
Old May 24, 2012, 01:53 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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So you are asking if it is okay to SI in order to move forward in other areas of your life?
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  #3  
Old May 24, 2012, 04:27 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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In a sense, yes. Except I don't mean it to sounds as though I'm searching for permission, more - 'does this seem reasonable?'. Obviously I will not actively set out to SH and will continue to try to use more healthy outlets for my emotions like exercise etc. But I am questioning the balance and priorities in my life at the moment and wanted to simply talk through my thoughts. I hope all this doesn't sound too bizarre! Of course my ultimate goal is to not have to SH but perhaps for the moment to allow myself to do so wouldn't be that much of a big deal if it allowed me freedoms in other areas of my life?
  #4  
Old May 24, 2012, 06:16 PM
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ickydog2006 ickydog2006 is offline
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As much as I want to say yes, the answer is no no no. If you give in now, even for the right reasons, it'll only get worse and be harder to quit. Have you considered talking to your therapist about ideas/options to help deal with the added stress of getting to a better place. If you do need an extra something to deal with temporary stress instead of SI I'd definitely recommend holding ice or sticking your hand in ice water, but anything more permanent is just going to lead to more shame and guilt and probably make it even harder to make friends. I know when I would cut it was harder to make new friends because I was always scared of them finding out, or judging and not wanting to be my friend. And if I didn't tell them then I felt like they weren't liking me for me because they didn't even really know me, just knew who I was pretending to be.
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Abby
  #5  
Old May 25, 2012, 11:29 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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I would agree, no SI.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Abby
  #6  
Old May 25, 2012, 03:16 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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Urg, that wasn't really the answer I wanted to hear!

Ickydog, you made me really think and it is good to hear from someone who has been through it and can relate. The part of self harming that I hate the most is the lying. I alway knew that I could never fully be myself with people having to cover up such an intrinsic part of my life - and that made me feel so lonely even when I had friends! One of the things I do want to do when meeting up with old and potentially new friends is be more honest, because I'm pretty fed up of putting on a show just to feel I can be accepted.

But this also worries me greatly, and I've realised that perhaps to an extent I still wish to be able to hide myself behind the SH. Although in many ways I really, really want to connect with other people, it also scares me so much (not sure why yet!) and I do use self harm as a form of protection. I haven't quite worked out how it protects me but I'm assuming it is linked to keeping a part of me hidden and therefore out of reach (or something!). Which makes me think...I wonder if I can find a way to keep a part of me safe and hidden away in a healthy way?

And btw the ice idea works I agree, it is a great technique...just a shame it doesn't last that long!
Hugs from:
ickydog2006
  #7  
Old May 25, 2012, 03:37 PM
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ickydog2006 ickydog2006 is offline
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I think it's normal to use self harm partially for it's protection, it gives this feeling of power at times, like I can hurt myself more than you ever will be able to.
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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Thanks for this!
Abby
  #8  
Old May 25, 2012, 06:16 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Of course you can keep parts of yourself hidden and safe. To do this you use good boundaries.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Abby
  #9  
Old May 26, 2012, 01:51 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ickydog2006 View Post
I think it's normal to use self harm partially for it's protection, it gives this feeling of power at times, like I can hurt myself more than you ever will be able to.
Yes, a sense of control I would call it though rather than power. I've noticed it doesn't have to relate to when the other person is being actively threatening though, more overwhelming, so SH is like a big STOP sign! But obviously they don't see it so it must be for me!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
Of course you can keep parts of yourself hidden and safe. To do this you use good boundaries.
I'm not entirely sure what you mean by 'good' boundaries. I may be totally misunderstanding but I genuinely don't feel I have weak boundaries. I absolutely speak my mind, say no etc, if anything I would say one of my main problems is that my boundaries are too strong! I don't get close to people really and I am envious of those that so naturally and easily connect with others. I'm obviously scared of other people for some reason but I'm not sure if that is because of poor boundaries or something else entirely...

Either way, I guess at some point or another in the next week or so I will be in a situation where I will have to make the choice whether or not to SH. And I'm not sure whether I'm intellectualising all this too much because quite simply at the moment emotionally I obviously am looking for a 'get out of SH' guilt-free clause! I feel depressed!
  #10  
Old May 26, 2012, 07:17 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Abby View Post
if anything I would say one of my main problems is that my boundaries are too strong! I don't get close to people really and I am envious of those that so naturally and easily connect with others. I'm obviously scared of other people for some reason
But you are saying that you are about to venture out to connect with people more? Maybe then you are afraid of what will happen when others get too close?

Good boundaries are when you are confident enough to carry yourself around others and can let them get close but not too close.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
Thanks for this!
Abby
  #11  
Old May 30, 2012, 04:51 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((((((((( Abby ))))))))))))))
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Thanks for this!
Abby
  #12  
Old Jun 02, 2012, 03:05 PM
Abby Abby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah View Post
But you are saying that you are about to venture out to connect with people more? Maybe then you are afraid of what will happen when others get too close?

Good boundaries are when you are confident enough to carry yourself around others and can let them get close but not too close.
Yeh you're probably right...I probably have such poor boundaries I have to keep everyone at a distance! Perhaps. I know I don't like people getting close to me (when they do manage) because I find it produces a contaminating feeling that I can't shake off for ages. I always find when I am around people I come away and feel like I need a good few days before I stabilise back to me again. Even saying things like this online I find quite difficult to do as I feel it exposes me...and this is an anoymonous!

I'm going to meet some old friends over the next few days. I can feel the anxiety building. I'm going to try take some things with me that I can physically touch and look at to try and help. One part of me has decided that in order to get past these feelings that I need to SH in order to keep in control, I need to allow myself to be in a position where I can potential lose control, then see myself deal with it and thus reduce the anxiety surrounding these situations....and another my simplistic part just wants to be safe. Hopefully I'm worrying for nothing and I will just have a nice time - I really need a break so I hope so!
  #13  
Old Jun 02, 2012, 03:29 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Abby View Post
I know I don't like people getting close to me (when they do manage) because I find it produces a contaminating feeling that I can't shake off for ages. I always find when I am around people I come away and feel like I need a good few days before I stabilise back to me again.
This is boundaries ^. Poor boundaries would cause you to absorb other people's "stuff" (the contamination plus the destabilization).

What you explained about your plan with meeting with your friends, this sounds like exposure therapy. Good luck with this!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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