DON'T WANT TO...CAN'T...BAD THOUGHTS...

Grrrr...I have not felt such an urge to cut for so long. But at the mo I can hardly stand it. I am so close to doing it...if it wasn't for sorting out a whole lot of crap lying round the lounge on Sunday it wouldn't be so bad but while doing that I found a blade I didn't know I still had. I know I should've thrown it away but for some reason I didn't. Cutting isn't even my 1st...'preference'...when it comes to SI. But now I have the blade, and with things being so crappy at the mo I am being tested, right to the limit...

Hi irish ...

Cutting isn't my first preference either. Can you get your mind off of doing it and do something else instead? I just dealed with an attack of it earlier and even though I still feel crappy, I'm a bit better. I wrote some poetry instead.

*hugs* to you and I hope you take care of yourself. I'm here to listen if you ever want.

Hi IrishSJ,

I know this is a hard thing to do, but do you have the courage to throw away your cutting implement? When I feel this way, I try to get rid of whatever thing I would use to hurt myself. It takes a lot of courage, but it can help a lot to remove the item of temptation. You said "now I have the blade" - if you get rid of it, that will make it harder for you to hurt yourself. You can throw it away in a dumpster somewhere, or in a garbage can at the grocery store or something - somewhere far away from you so you can't retrieve it. I've done this before to help keep myself safe.

Meanwhile, are there some nice things you can do for yourself to help distract yourself? Make yourself a cup of tea? Put on some music you enjoy? Go out for a scoop of ice cream? Do a puzzle? Call a friend? Do a craft project? Make cookies and bring them to somebody who could use some cheering up? I don't know....but sometimes distraction is one of the best tools I seem to have when things aren't going well.

Please take gentle care of yourself - I'm thinking of you.

Take care,
ErinBear

Thanks canders and erinbear. I have to admit that I failed, but afterwards I did throw away the blade. I don't know why I didn't do it when I found it...I just put it back where I had found it and tried to 'ignore' it. Now just gota hang on and see my doc on monday. At least my nurse talked today of suggesting a change in meds, at least to help me sleep. AT LONG LAST!!! I have been asking for this from my doc for at least the last 3 visits. Ideally I would LOVE to reduce my meds but everytime it comes to my doc appt something else has happened and she won't do it, even though she wants to reduce them too. But thanks for the support. At least I have goten rid of 'it', and the urges too for now (yeah, too late but at least they've gone!).

Hi IrishSJ,

Good for you for throwing it away - I think that takes a lot of courage. I know you did end up injuring yourself, but now you can start over fresh again, and without the implement there it will be easier not to hurt yourself (or at least that is the case for me). Again, just wanted to congratulate you on that, because I know it can be hard to get rid of these things! That takes a lot of courage, and I think it's a really wise thing.

I hope the new meds will help, that sleep will help....and also that the next appointment with the doc will go well and things will start looking up for you. Thinking of you.

Take care,
ErinBear