SI Daily Check In

Blue_Bird,
Can U see about getting your meds earlier than next week?? Could U call & check in w/ your psych doc or T ?? How did U get your depressed mood icon? When I go to the mood icon there R just a few choices. Do U know what's up w/
that?? Please friend me. I would like to keep up w/ U & B your friend!! I'm having a fairly difficult time myself.

I'm having issues with SI right now. I used to cut with a razor- deep and multiple cuts at a time. I also used to burn with a lighter. My legs and arms are covered in scars and I decided a while back to get rid of all my blades but the urge to SI has been so strong that I've resorted to scratching until I bleed. This is a problem for me that idk how to fix.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Angel of Bedlam--I know exactly where U R right now. I am struggling too. I can
give U some suggestions my T has given me. Try distracting yourself w/ something positive. If U need to get anger out,try tearing up something like paper or clay. Another thing U could do is called a crisis line & just talk about how your feeling. Often times that can make me feel better if I can just can talk
w/ my T. It helps me to talk to my T b/c I know he really "hears" what I'm saying. I hope some of this helps. Let me know how U do. Try writing down why
U want to hurt yourself. I'm very sorry you're hurting so badly.

Thanks. I'm just disappointed with myseld because it seems like I just switch from one form of SI to another and the problem never gets solved. I mean sure, scratching doesn't need stitches, but the problem isn't fixed, just manifesting differently.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

Angel of Bedlam--I agree that just switching methods of SI doesn't solve anything. I don't have an answer 4 that. I sincerely hope that U have a psych
doc & a T. I don't know what I would do w/o mine. Keep me up to date. Hang in
there.

I will. I have a T and pdoc. Both are awesome. I just don't wanna go to my pdoc and say that I still can't stop with the SI. She's added so many meds and upped their doses that it makes me feel like a looney.

Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk

A of B--Have U told your psych doc how they make U feel & that they R NOT
WORKING??? If not,U should!!! Some pdocs R better than others at listening to
what,we their pt's,R actually saying & caring about what we say. I have had both
types. Make sure U STAND UP 4 yourself. Sorry we're both

**TRIGGER WARNING**


I hate myself. I'm stupid, and I don't deserve to get any help. I had an anxiety attack tonight that wasn't anything compared to last week's, and yet I cut the worse I've ever done. I just kept cutting the same spot, so now it's probably a good 1-2 inch gash. Don't think it's deep enough for stitches but definitely deeper than the superficial ones I usually do.

Eh, I am in a weird place. I don't know if the SH stopped because I tried or if it is because I know the chemotherapy is actively harming me while helping me. Then again, I haven't even had the energy to get anxious lately.

AmyFed07,
I am sorry that you feel so bad about yourself tonight. I have cut worse than you
and didn't get stitches although they were needed. I cut myself last night too.
If you have a T or psych doc it sounds like U really should call one of them
2morrow.Pls keep me up to date.

I have both a therapist and a crisis therapist I'm working with right now. I'm seeing the crisis one tomorrow, my therapist I saw today, and I saw the crisis one on Monday as well.

It's what is keeping me from going on right now. If I can't handle days like today, how the heck am I going to make it through family get togethers the rest of this week??

AmyFed07,
Your response is the only one that has made me the least bit happy today. I am
so glad that U have both a T,and a Crisis T. Please be honest w/ your Crisis T &
ask that person how to deal w/ your family. Also,if U can't safely be around your
family then skip Thanksgiving. Staying ALIVE & UNHURT is more important. If U
haven't friended me,please do. Good Luck!!!

Originally Posted by ajbpdljhsk
Not afraid of cutting; scared shitless of the consequences.

- AJ

The emotional consequences... guilt and regret and shame. Especially shame. And what would happen to me after? I would probably spiral down, and things would probably get much worse pretty quick. How long would I keep going until I came to my senses again? And stopping is so hard. I took so long to get here.

And also that terrible of feeling of... knowing that I knew better.

- AJ

I'll be honest with her. And I'll tell her that I did it again this morning. Made a mark on my wrists but didn't actually cut it. I can't skip Thanksgiving..it's the only way I'll eat until Friday. I'm such a horrible mother, can't even keep food in the house because we're paying for my oldest brother to live here. I just want to give up, I'm done fighting, done trying to fix everything and make everyone happy.

Tried talking to a suicide chat last night and the lady made me feel worse by telling me that I'm teaching my kids how to cope. Just what I need to hear when I already blame myself for my kid's problems.

ETA: It's a week before that time of the month...TMI, sorry, but I know it has a lot to do with how emotional I am all of a sudden.

I made it through last night, I'll be getting my new medication within a few days instead of having to wait until late next week. I think if I can get the paranoia and hallucinations under control the urges will start to go away.

AmyFed07--First of all,don't worry about the "tmi". I'm a R.N.(disabled b/c of my
psych problems) so there isn't anything as tmi. I agree that the onset of your menstrual cycle is probably making your symptoms worse. I am sorry that the
Crisis Line worker made U feel worse. One would think that workers would B trained enough to know that making a person feel worse would B a bad thing. I'm glad that you were honest w/ your therapist. It doesn't do any good to have
them if you're not honest w/ them. I know,for me,it may be difficult for me to say necessary things to my psych doc & T,but if I don't say them I know that I'm
not going to get the help I need. I feel blessed to have a great psych doc & T.
I know it's hard,but try to hold it together!!!

I messed up.

00642--How did U mess up? It's ok to B honest. I mess up a lot.

I've been clean for three weeks. No burning or hitting

Rzay4,
Congratulations on NO SH 3 weeks. That is fantastic. To what do U attribute your success??

I just can't win today. Nothing is working even though I saw the crisis therapist today and had a list of things to try. They're right, it doesn't help if I'm not used to it in the moment.

I'm sorry that I've been posting the same thing multiple times today.

AmyFed07--First of all,Please DON'T FEEL BAD 4 posting multiple times a day.
That is what the site is here 4. My T allows me to e-mail him,& there R days
that I e-mail him several times in a day. I have even been having so much diffi-
culty that he let me e-mail him & he responded for the M-W of this week,even
though he has been off this week. It is hard to put distress tolerance techniques
into practice during stressful situations if U haven't practiced it. I have the same
problem. It usually ends w/ me doing some kind of SH. Don't feel alone b/c your
not.

Thank you. I'm just having such a difficult time right now, and I've cut 3 times within the last day. More times that I've ever done in one day. I'm just upset & ashamed at myself & worried about tomorrow and Friday.

Oh Amy--I feel 4 U so badly. I have cut 2 x in a day & torn scabs off wounds almost daily. I wish I had a good answer 4 U,but I don't. Just try & hang in there!!

Thank you. It's nice to know someone understands it.