SI Daily Check In

Wanted to last night and get it over and done with. But I managed to distract myself by painting my nails and some hot chocolate. We'll see how today goes with being around family most of the day.

I wish I could admit myself into a hospital right now. But life goes on. I know this is a problem because i'd never consider it on any other day.

Maybe you should consider it then?

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I've thought about this lately too. The crisis therapist asked if I wanted to be one of the people in the icu from taking too many drugs and I wanted to tell her yes but I can't get admitted because I have school and no one to watch my kids if I was.

No real reason to. Self harm isn't a reason. And if I did i'd have to admit to my family that I have a problem. Too big of a step.

(((Amy))) Yeah. Life goes on.

When I felt like my self harm was getting out of control, I admitted myself. It's hard when you have to deal with family though, luckily I havent had to tell anyone but my dad yet, and I didnt really need to tell him. Hugs

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I cut again tonight. Was going to take pills but I couldn't find the fiorcet tablets, and that's the strongest pills I have.

Having some strong urges, having literally no life and nothing to do certainly doesn't help things. I need to get out and get a life, have things to fill my time , places to go, things to do , people to see.

been doing a lot on the legs today because of all the people here.

was just watching i'm a celebrity... distracted me for a little while

tealBumblebee--Why didn't U call your psych doc or go to the E.R. If U felt bad enough to B admitted to the psych unit?? I understand COMPLETELY when U say
that things must B bad for U to want to admit yourself. Please call your pdoc in the morning if U continue to feel this bad!!

The last time I DSH myself was yesterday. I have wanted to today,but have not
had the opportunity.

I just want to make it to tomorrows session.

I don't have a pdoc. I just have a T. And I have to help get ready for Thanksgiving. And I have an MRI on Wednesday. And the world is still continuing to revolve. I'm starting to just want to quit. Everythings a freaking joke to everyone. I don't deserve to be admitted.

I'm having horrible urges today. No matter what I do I can't seem to catch a break. We have barely any food in the house, bills are piling up, and my husband is all pissed off at me because I don't want to have sex (don't want him to see the newest cuts on me). I just want to take everything.

tealBumblebee--U sound to me like U deserve to B admitted. Nothing is as important as U being ALIVE ON THANKSGIVING!! Someone else may have to
pick the slack if your hospital,but it is better than your family planning your
funeral along w/ Thanksgiving Dinner. PLEASE DON'T WAIT. GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM TONIGHT!!! I only know U thru this blog,but I still care!! Be
proactive!! Take Care of Yourself!!!!! Let me know how U do!!

Having a lot of urges today, pdoc appointment is tomorrow though so hopefully that will help.

I haven't SI'd in a week... doing pretty good with it actually. It's weird. I'm hitting all sorts of walls with treatment accessibility, but I'm managing somehow. I think going inpatient last week was a good idea. It broke that spiral, even though all it did was physically contain me.
Also helpful: T is asking for a "commitment to safety" if we are to continue to work on processing trauma. I did not ask for specifics, but am taking that to mean that I need to stay away from si. We will talk about it at some point I'm sure...

Blue_Bird,
I know exactly how U feel. I am having a lot of SH urges & thinking more of S in
general. I feel like a total failure. I had to leave my volunteer very part-time job
early,just after getting there,b/c I was overwhelmed. I am unwanted by my father & his side of the family(have always been unwanted). Overall,I just feel
like a big "Zero"

I did something really horrible to myself yesterday. I feel guilty about it, but somehow I know that I'm just going to end up doing it again.

No si today thankfully. Hoping tomorrow will be the same.

Not afraid of cutting; scared shitless of the consequences.

- AJ

AJ--What kind of consequences R U afraid of?? Just curious.

aern01

I'm having a lot of urges today, almost ready to give in. The hallucinations and paranoia are driving me crazy I just want it to stop

Blue_Bird,
I am so very sorry U R having this much difficulty right now. I strongly feel that
if U R having hallucinations & urges to hurt yourself on top of being paranoid that U need to B in the safety of a psych unit. I know it is not anyone's idea of a
happy place. I know. I've spent enough time on them. Right now though because U R a danger to yourself,it really is the safest place 4 U. Please let me
know how U your doing and what U decide to do.

Hi aern01, thanks for the reply, I've been in psych facilities before, the last time was July and I really want that to be the last time. I really can't go now. My medication was just changed but I won't get the new medicine until late next week I guess I just have to try and make it through