SI Daily Check In

AmyFed07--U R very welcome!!!

I was stupid... Holidays suck, and today is no different. I started drinking early because I had been up early (wife had to work at 3am, and I couldn't get back to sleep). Now the urges are strong even thought the alcohol had worn off... I should have known better :/

Major urges, the hallucinations, paranoia, apparently paranoid delusions , stress of the holidays reminding me I have no friends or life, it's all too much

MdngtRain--I'm sorry you're having a rough time. You're certainly not the only one.!!!

Blue_Bird,
Regardless of what your delusions & hallucinations are telling U,the fact
is that U DO HAVE a life,and FRIENDS(even if it is only on this site). I care about
what happens to U. PLS GET HELP!!!

I am sad,depressed,and scared. I haven't DSH today,but I want to badly. I also
constantly think about S/OD. I think about the idea of being hospitalized,but then I wonder what they can do that isn't already being done,except take my
freedom away. None of my times on the psych unit were positive. Part of me wants to OD just to get it over with. I feel like it is going to happen at some
point. It's just a matter of when. Now would B a very bad time b/c the holidays
R a hard time of year for my Mom. Several relatives have died during this time
of year/the holidays as a whole. I feel hopeless and helpless.

I feel the same way, although I've never been hospitalized before so I don't know how that is. But I can't get hospitalized during finals and after finals is my surgery & Christmas. I took two pills tonight, but that's nothing. Wanting to take the rest even though I only have a few left.

Hi AmyFed07--I'm sorry U feel the same way I do. What R U in school school 4,
& what R U having surgery 4?? I'm trying to hang in so U do the same!!

Glad you're trying, so am I. Ironically I'm in nursing school. And I'm getting my spleen and gallbladder removed on Dec 20. Merry Christmas to me.

Well AmyFed07--We have much in common. Besides our mental health issues,I
am also a R.N. I haven't been able to practice for a very long time d/t my Major
Depression & Anxiety problems. My BPD doesn't help either. I haven't had my
Spleen removed,but my Gall Bladder is gone. U know that once your spleen is gone,you'll B much more susceptible to infection so you'll have to B careful. When do U graduate from nursing school & what degree R U graduating with? I
graduated w/ an A.S. degree in Nursing. Many times I have wished that I went
4 a B.S. in Nursing instead b/c I haven't found the motivation to go back & get
my B.S.N. At the time though,I went straight from high school to college,& I just
wanted to B done w/ school so I could go to work,be done,& then leave it. No
more homework etc.... I absolutely loved nursing/medicine. I still do. It is really
nice to find someone that shares something w/ me besides our mental health
problems. I hope U don't me going on.....

I don't mind at all. It's nice to know someone else is a r.n. because that's one of my fears is ruining everything I worked for. I'll be graduating next December with my A.S. I'm wanting to keep going since I already have my B.A. in Human development.

And yes I know about the spleen thing. It sucks but having IVIG infusions every two months for two days and getting aseptic meningitis sucks more. Stupid low platelets. You can always im me. :-)

AmyFed07--Thanks!! I don't know how to "IM". It's nice to have a real friend.

all ready started to act on my urges, and it's not even the middle of the day yet

I'm pissed off and when I get angry I tend to take it out on myself :/ I also feel ill, maybe I'm ill enough not to make the effort to crawl out of bed and find my blades...

The only thing keeping me from SI for the past 2 weeks is knowing how much shame and how bad I'll feel after the relief if cutting is gone!

Burned myself 2x this wknd. Impulses have come back.

Right now I'm at the point of saying "if I feel like this tonight..."

I keep telling myself I'll feel better if I cut, that all my problems won't be so bad anymore. I just need to wait to adjust to this new medicine, hopefully it'll help.

Hang in there. Cutting will not remove the problems - it is only a temporary release. You can get through this until the meds start working .

Thinking of you.

I haven't done anything today other than pick at the cuts I already have.

Having the urges because my father called me a ***** on the phone tonight because he wants to come out here & be at the hospital when I have my surgery, and I told him it's me who's being cut into, I can decide who I want to be at the hospital while I'm recovering. Evidently that makes me a *****.

Sorry that he doesn't understand. Please don't let his issue become yours. I know, easier said than done and I don't have any room to talk! Take care.

Stopped having paranoid delusions and the urges have gone down a lot.

Scream! Things are bad and yet I'm still sort of functioning. I wish I could leave and not go to rehearsal.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk

Craving it.
Urgh.

AmyFed07--Good 4 U!! If your Dad is going to bad 4 your recovery then U did the right thing by standing up 4 yourself & telling him not to come. I wish I had the guts to stand up 4 myself like U did. I admire U!!!