[Orion]

that is how long I have self-harmed for... 10 whole years...

you name it I've tryed it, I have very litle unmarked skin left, it really is just stupid. It's past wanting to stop now... into full blown NEEDING to do so...

I started when I was about 11. my father believed that due to original sin children are born evil, and that this evil needed to be cleansed from them. This cleansing basically meant beeting, setting on fire, pouring boiling water over, strangling, throwing against things, hitting with objects... ect.. ect... He totally convinced me that I truely was evil and these "punishments" were required... and so eventually I took it upon myself to joiin in the punishments and turned to self-harm.

that was 10 years ago now... I haven't even seen him for about 9months, and yet at times I still feel as if I'm to blame for many things that have happened and that maybe all he wsaid about my being evil, pathetic, useless and worthless was true...

anyway, I really do need to stop... I have tryed so many times, but 3 months is the longest I have ever gone without breaking down completely and doign something even worse.

anyone know of any methods to help give up at all? I have tryed the elastic band and ice ones as well as several others, I really need help...
gone 4 days withough cutting and just over a month without ODing or burning... but it's getting so difficult... Any suggestions, anything at all would be very much apretiated

Hi Orion,

Have you read the topic "Things to do instead of hurting yourself " on top of the SI forum? Some of the suggestions might help.

Seeing a professional might also be an option if, as you write, you can no longer cope on your own. They would be able to cater to *your* specific needs etc. Do take care!

[inpieces]

Hey Orion....
The lure of si is a hard thing to break....it serves so many purposes on so many different levels.....I hear your struggle....I've yet to find an alternative....it 'just doesn't make any sense' at some points in my life....so I've had periods of no si...not many in the last 22 years or so....I don't know where the answer lies....I hope that maybe knowing that someone else has understanding will help....Know that I am pulling for you with much empathy and compassion....especially compassion...that's what we need to extend to ourselves and our bodies.....not easy, though.
Take Care...
--Angie--

[Orion]

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Always said:
Have you read the topic "Things to do instead of hurting yourself " on top of the SI forum? Some of the suggestions might help.

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no... I shall go have a look at it now though


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inpieces said:
I hear your struggle....I've yet to find an alternative....it 'just doesn't make any sense' at some points in my life....so I've had periods of no si...not many in the last 22 years or so....I don't know where the answer lies....

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as awful as it may sound it's nice to know that I'm not the only one to have SHed for such a long time... most people I speak to have done so for maybe 2 years or only did it for a few months... I think 5 years is the longest I have ever met anyone to have done it for...
I know that sounds awful.. really not mean tot do… I just can’t think how to word it…
I hope that you find an alternative soon and manage to break out of this destructive cycle

[ickydog2006]

Might be TRIGGERING

My biggest problem quitting SI was that each time I tried I would be so desperate to quit that I would rather die than cut, then I would OD in a suicide attempt, wake up the next day and realized that even my friends would rather me cut than die so I would go back to that.

The only way I managed to quit and not relapse... at least not yet with cutting... was when I was tempted to OD I would make myself throw up until I was too tired and drained of energy to lift me head (ie couldn't reach for pills).

I wouldn't really advise this method because it isn't healthy, but when I look back and realize this was probably the only way of quiting that kept me alive, I am thankful for it.

Basically I just wanted you to know how I got through it, and tell you be careful. If at all possible use healthier coping mechanisms, but if it comes down to it I'd rather you try this way than die.

I hope that helps some.

sometimes its best to work on the feelings behind the cutting. are you working with a therapist?

[Orion]

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Might be TRIGGERING

My biggest problem quitting SI was that each time I tried I would be so desperate to quit that I would rather die than cut, then I would OD in a suicide attempt, wake up the next day and realized that even my friends would rather me cut than die so I would go back to that.

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ye... I do a similar thing... though the realisation part's usually a week or so down the line rather than a day...
I usually go about 3 months and then either end up doing some fairly major cutting/burning damage or ODing...

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esthersvirtue said:
are you working with a therapist?

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yes... but I haven't had him for long (old one moved) so not really helping much yet...

[Sarah116]

Aw markers of a big time in your life are always hard because you are thinking "where was I, how was i feeling, what was I doing?" etc. try and look on the bright side and say "if you want things to be like they were in the old times, you gotta make it like that." So if you did not cut back then when things were really nice in your standards then try to stop! Think you back then would want yourself now to be happy! I understand I have a aniversary coming up here soon. The first! Now that is going to be hard! November 16th 2006 at one 'o clock!