[GirlOfManyFaces]

Every time something bothers me in the slightest, I just have this strong urge to slit and cut and slash my wrists and arms. I have a violent mind and don't handle things well. But what sets me off the most is when I see a message on PC that is yellin at someone for posting something suicidal. That just makes me CRAZY!! I can't handle it. I too feel like that sometimes and I just want someone to comfort me but I guess people don't understand that.

And even if I get bumped or touched by accident, I will completely FREAK out. Something is seriously wrong with me. I NEED to be in a psych ward but I can't get help. I want help but CANT!!

Something bad is going to happen. And I won't be able I control myself. I'll go crazy and hurt myself too badly to save me. Or I'll hurt someone else. I'm too violent for my own good. I love blood and cutting things open. I like weapons and I like getting beat up. I swear I've turn into some sort of psychopath and I don't know what's wrong with me

This is my very very desperate cry for HELP!!

[unaluna]

I think you have PMDD. About Every 4 weeks you are posting here, desperate. This affected me too. It doesnt really help knowing whats going on, because things feel genuinely rotten. I think the rest of the time, or immediately after the period starts, i had so many "good" hormones, that i MISTAKENLY thought everything was okay in my life, so really the time known as PMS is when we are facing reality, and the rest of the time we are fooling ourselves. Anyway, a gynecologist can help you with medication, if your parents will let you, to even things out. Good luck. I know its really really hard to deal with. A friend (so called) actually gave me a huge pin for my birthday one year that said "Moody *****"

[HockingPastryChef]

What was your past life like? Did you or do you have parents that are abusive or had someone in the past hurt you badly physically?

[Mess up]

I just joined today and I looked at your post FIRST. There is a reason why. I know you are hurting and you know that you are hurting! You are only 15! You ARE VERY SMART and it displayed by your writing and to be able to tell others the way you feel and asking for help. I'm 40 and I have 3 kids and I'm just now find the strength to ask for help. I have been picking my face & body (self injury) for as long as I can remember. I have been trying to hide this from the world and it finally caught up to me. It has now caused more problems in my life. What I'm trying trying to say is you are much smarter than most people you are 15 and you are asking for help! People can tell you all day long not to hurt yourself. You need to tell yourself this minute this hour this day this week whatever.... I'm not going hurt myself. The part about people bumping into by accident, most people this days can't walk a straight line. Have you ever tried karate classes? It should like you could kick some butt I last thing. Please try this..... Listen to the song by Pharrel titled Happy.

[smmath]

Can you try other things to replace the blood, like paint or draw on yourself with red marker? Maybe try to not cause yourself a lot of damage if you hurt yourself. There are other less harmful ways to cause pain, that don't endanger your life.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

What was your past life like? Did you or do you have parents that are abusive or had someone in the past hurt you badly physically?

I had just looked at your profile. That explains why you behave the way you do. You lash out because you are in the past and not the present. Once you find your way out and into the present you will have more control on your life and will not lash out.

If you start meditation and/or write out a self assurance journal that can help release the pain that is within you.

I also like giving this website to everyone. It has helped me see the light in life and how to handle it in the right way. Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think you have PMDD. About Every 4 weeks you are posting here, desperate. This affected me too. It doesnt really help knowing whats going on, because things feel genuinely rotten. I think the rest of the time, or immediately after the period starts, i had so many "good" hormones, that i MISTAKENLY thought everything was okay in my life, so really the time known as PMS is when we are facing reality, and the rest of the time we are fooling ourselves. Anyway, a gynecologist can help you with medication, if your parents will let you, to even things out. Good luck. I know its really really hard to deal with. A friend (so called) actually gave me a huge pin for my birthday one year that said "Moody *****"

Thanks... But I'm 100% sure that's not it

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by HockingPastryChef

What was your past life like? Did you or do you have parents that are abusive or had someone in the past hurt you badly physically?

My past was scary. The situation with my dad is hard to explain but he is also violent and has taken his anger out on me before. Last year I was a
Very much abused and r*p*d by someone I held dear to my heart. So when that happened it really tore me apart. But yes, I've been hurt badly in the past.

[GirlOfManyFaces]

Originally Posted by smmath

Can you try other things to replace the blood, like paint or draw on yourself with red marker? Maybe try to not cause yourself a lot of damage if you hurt yourself. There are other less harmful ways to cause pain, that don't endanger your life.

The thing is, if I cut myself like I want to and I start bleeding... Then I have to make it bleed until I'm dizzy or I pass out or something. It's scary but I like seeing blood.

[prabs]

Dear GirlOfManyFaces,

Yours was the first post I have read as I join the forum. Afterwards, I also read all other replies. Then I went through your profile.

I have some observations that I would like to share with you, provided you are open to receiving them and not reject them the way you have rejected at least one of them above.

You say that:
1. You are hurting badly inside due to which you want to hurt yourself outside.
2. PLEASE: refrain from using the word "R*p*"
3. Your spelling. You are dyslexic and may get things wrong
4. One of your personalities is very aggressive, you are sorry if she/he overreacts
5. Often completely lose it and just rant like crazy
6. You may not always be 100% lucid. But you hope you make sense

Learning so much about you, I really feel like empathizing with you, but I think I should not.

Why? Because, a person who knows so much about herself and can be so accurate in her self-diagnosis simply cannot be a weak person who she says she is. Provided she is not just using words from other people's (therapists) diagnosis to make her own reality.

Yes, I fully empathize with whatever happened to you in your past, but tell me truthfully -- Do you have any ways to change your past? I guess not. Nobody that I know has this power to change the past. But I certainly know of many people who chose to let-go of their painful past by changing their focus and releasing the traumatic negative energy from their lives to move ahead.

You tell everybody to not to use the "R*p*" word. But once again tell me -- How would have I or anybody else have known anything about the "R*p*" word, had you not told us anything about it. In fact, sorry to say it, it is you who is holding on to this crazy, stupid and negative word, not others. So if you don't want anybody to use it or remind you of those painful moments, stop using it in your life too. The first step can easily be by removing it from your sign-off area.

You also say that "Something is seriously wrong with me. I NEED to be in a psych ward but I can't get help. I want help but CANT!!"

I say, you don't need anybody else to help you. You don't need to be in a psych ward. You know why? Because, nobody from outside of you can help you unless you want to be helped. It is not too difficult to change the "I CAN'T" to "I CAN". You just have to remove the alphabet "T" from it.

But truthfully, it is not that easy too. To do that, you will have to trust somebody who can guide you, and you will have to TAKE ACTION. Without taking action nothing can help you. No matter how many books you read, how many forums you join, or how many people you consult with, you cannot change anything unless you STOP REJECTING THE HELP that's coming your way and START TAKING ACTION.

Playing the role of a victim may look good in the movies, not in the real life. Life is just too beautiful to let it pass unnoticed. Trust me. I too speak from experience.

Currently you are a young 15 yr girl. There is so much of beautiful life ahead. Get up and embrace it. At 15, just don't be 100% sure of anything yet. There are people who have been around for a little more time than you, learn from their experiences too.

My another suggestion to you is that get physically active a lot more than what you are currently. Participate in sports. Exhaust yourself completely. It will have a lot of beneficial effect on you - both physically, mentally and emotionally. If you are on any kind of medication, it will also help your body to balance itself and get rid of the medicines.

I strongly recommend you joining the martial arts classes, if you can afford to. It will also teach you enough self-defense techniques for your future use.

Get rid of nay-sayers, and make friends with people who are great company. Step away from people who put you in the negative direction or action that you may have to repent later.

I think, I have already written a lot today. You have every right to reject every word that I have written, and you are free to do it. But I just have one request, before you reject it, just think deeply about it once more.

Bless you.

I do not know if I can say this *right*......... I hope you will read my words in the way that they are intended (which is positive)...

GoMF: I hope you notice the number of responses you receive to your posts. Not just this one, but all of your posts. People are naturally drawn to you. You are not 'just' liked here - but you are LOVED. People genuinely care about you.

I hope you can recognize this fact. We care about you. Please be safe. Please seek professional help (hospital or whatever you need). We want you to stick around.

<3

[prabs]

Dear GirlOfManyFaces,

I note that you have already taken one step in the right direction. Thank you

Let's do more to get you soaring again.

Bless you.