Burning yourself

I have an intense fear of pain. But lately I've been wanting to burn myself. And quite recently I have come very close to doing it. I'm 17 and alone most of the day because I'm homeschooled. I have no friends to talk to and my parents have their own problems. I wanted to know if someone can tell me what they to not hurt themselves. As I've said I haven't done anything yet, mostly because I' afraid of the pain. But the fear is starting to go away. I"m really scared I might end up doing something.

-Thank you

Hi. Have you tried distracting yourself? Tell yourself: I'm not going to hurt myself for the next thirty minutes (eg). When that's up, repeat it. Say it until your urge is under control. Then reward yourself.

Or try:
Watching TV
Going out running
Listening to relaxing music
Having a bath
Writing in your journal
Putting an elastic band around your wrist and pulling it so it hurts
Rubbing ice cubes on your body...etc, etc.

Anything that helps you feel good.

Have courage!

First thing I will say is "Don't do it!" There is a possiblity that self injury can be addictive because of the chemical release in the brain so don't even start. For many the purpose of self injury is to block out emotional pain but just like alcohol and drugs, it gives temporary relief but doesn't EVER fix the problem.

My suggestion is that you find ways to get out of isolation. I don't believe that people are meant to be alone. We are social beings and when we become isolated we tend to get depressed. Are there social groups you can attend? Church groups, library or book groups, park activities? Can you volunteer time to charitable organizations? All these things will give you a chance to be social and develop acquantances that may become friendships. Can you get a part time job? Join a walking group, or birding group. Just throwing out ideas that will get you out of the house for awhile.

As far as things to do to not hurt yourself, Silver Queen gave some excellent ideas. I thinking though that since you have never hurt yourself maybe you should avoid anything that simulates pain. Rubberband snapping and icecubes often help habitual self injurers step down from the habit, kind of a substitute but I would be worried that it would just lead you into the habit. I would reccommend doing things that are self nurturing like taking the bath then giving yourself a full body rub with lotion or oil. Taking some time to brush your hair and think loving thoughts of yourself. Fixing yourself a healthy dessert like strawberries and a little cool whip and eating it slowly concentrating on the taste. Make sure not to use too much cool whip, wouldn't want you to become food dependant.

I am sure other people will come up with even more ideas. There are so many ways to comfort yourself without hurting yourself. Try not to get into the self injury cycle, it is hard to break.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

Thank you silver_queen. I have tried doing some of the things you mentioned, like watching tv and listening to music or redaing. Those things used to help but know I'm too depressed to enjoy them anymore. I can't seem to concentrate. My mind keeps wandering. But sometimes it helps to write in my journal. I haven't been doing it lately but I'll start again. That sounds like a good idea

Thank you again,
Miara

I have tried to get out of my isolation but it's really hard. I have anxiety and I don't like to go outside much because I'm really self-concious and I always think that everyone is talking about me. That's one of the reasons why I get homeschooled. I do go to the library often. I haven't been doing that since I'm visiting my parents. I do go to church but I don't have any friends there even though there are a few people there my age. I really don't want to start burning myself but I feel really bad. I mean REALLY bad. I used to talk walks with my mother but we haven't been doing that since she's really tired now when she gets home. I'm in therapy right now although I haven't told her about hurting myself but I do feel better after meeting her.

Thank you for your suggestions
Miara

Hmmm - not long ago I was in a similar position to you...very depressed, suicidal, cutting myself...I couldn't concentrate either. It's a horrible feeling. I love to read and I couldn't concentrate on it - I found it boring. I wrote in my journal - all my feelings, my desire to die etc. I wrote loads and loads. I began drinking alcohol too and smoking to help me feel better. But they didn't work.

Maybe you should go back to the library when you get back home. I don't know about you but I could spend a whole day in a library. If you don't feel up to reading adult fiction, read children's and teens' fiction instead (I do sometimes. It's easy to read and it's usually never about serious topics).

You say you go to church. Try talking to the people who are you own age there. Say something like, "That was an interesting/dull sermon, don't you think?" etc, and try to start a conversation from there.

I think it's really good that you can go to the library even though you feel anxious about going outside. I don't have this problem but I would like to suggest that maybe pretending that you're invisible when you go outside will help. (But don't walk into people. You're still solid!) That way maybe you will feel less self-conscious.

I think also that you may get the urge to burn yourself because your mother's tiredness gets you down. Maybe when she comes home, you can suggest that you watch a video together or play cards etc? Something which you can both enjoy and is relaxing, but not tiring. Maybe you could try to help your mother in some way? I'm sorry, I don't know your situation so these might not be applicable, but you could do the cooking or the housework. Maybe you should both go out for the day somewhere, the coast or a local beauty spot, or a funfair etc, just to get away from everyday life. Or go to the swimming baths, or treat yourself to a massage, or both join a gym.

I think that you should tell your therapist that you feel like hurting yourself. Then she can work with you to find out the trigger for this feeling and help you avoid it.

Please don't try burning. You have the strength to resist it, I know, but if you do try it, don't think that it is the end. You can use your willpower to overcome this lapse and put it behind you.

Maybe you should tell your mother how you're feeling? I know it is hard to tell a parent how you're feeling - my dad had no idea how bad my depression had got until I entered myself in hospital - but it is easier than you think. And if she does take it badly, you have this forum and your therapist to turn to.

Try reading Psalm 139, that might help you.

Sorry this is so long,

silver_queen

Miara,

I don't have much to add that the others haven't already said, but I wanted you to know that there is one more person feeling for you and hoping you feel better. It really is easier if you can keep from starting to hurt yourself - if you go down that road you will probably regret it later. But do tell someone how you are feeling. Talking about it is scary, but it helps. Writing a note might be easier. There is a reason why you have those feelings, and wanting to hurt yourself means that you are looking for a way to deal with your emotions. There are better ways, like talking about what is bothering you.

It sounds like making contact with other people your own age might be very good for you. My children are also homeschooled, but they have church activities, dance lessons, and activities with other homeschoolers. Maybe you could look for homeschool groups for your age level, or take a class somewhere. Where I live dual enrollment in the public schools is an option, so kids could sign up just for band or sports or art, or a subject they are interested in. Or consider a college class or some other activity. Doing things with your mom, including helping her and then doing something fun together, also sounds like a very good idea.
Wendy

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