completely addicted again...

TW - mentions of suicide

i have suddenly taken a downwards spiral. have started cutting again and am completely and entirely addicted - it is the only thing holding me alive.

my therapist is on holiday, and this time of year was always when i was abused as a child. plus my meds aren't working. so those are definite factors.

i dont know what to do. i think i am going to be admitted into a psych unit. im staying with my parents and am SU. they are trying to get hold of my pdoc.

i forgot all the reasons not to cut. i almost like the way they look on my arm, which is terrible.

could someone give me a reason to hold on to life? it is stealthily slipping through my fingers.

sorry that this is happening.

their's a thread at the top.... reasons not too.

perhaps that will help?

i'll leave you with this thought... you got through this once, you'll get through it again

thanks ss. im going to read that thread.

Hi 8888an8888, I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time
When you're sliding down it an be so hard to see the "bigger picture" or if you can for it to mean that much to you.
For you to have come so far/as far as you did before this spiral, there had to have been real reasons there!!! No-one could have come as far as you had/have without real reasons.
Now just remember it's the way you're feeling right now which is dictating those thoughts, and you can get support/help with that, you really can.
Now, please hang in there and allow yourself that help. You deserve it!!!
You haven't failed, you haven't "lost the battle" by what's going on for you right now, it really is understandably a very hard time for you. But you've already shown how strong you can be, that you can make it through something like this.........you just need a little more help with it right? So let your parents push for that help, push for it yourself as well if you can........because you matter!!!

Alison

Hey 8888an8888,

Sorry to hear that your cutting issue is emerging again... as a fellow cutter i completely understand... i have gone through patches of self obsessive cutting where noone could help me, till it got way out of hand and i started cutting my face... trust me when i say this 'it is not a pretty sight'...

I have read on a few posts how u have become and inspiration, a real motivator for others... you are strong... and u know u r... you are just going through a tough time and u just need to put that blade on the side and take a few deep breaths... i know its not easy but trust me you dont want a slashed face...

So... all u need to do now is practice on breathing and imagine a horrible slashed face... that image should be enough to put you off cutting... always remember, it starts from a small cut on the arm before it turns into something nasty...

There is not one day i regret doing what i did to myself... i was weak... i was naive... i had noone... there was no psych central to help me... you have so much here alone its amazing...

My friend... my brother... i request you to put that blade away and look to spend a year without picking it up again...

I wish you well...

Lets shed our final tear,
I wish you all Happy New Year...

i really hope it helps you

let me know

Any update? How are you doing now?

i haven't cut today. i'm waiting for a call from a duty worker from my psych clinic and then we will have a crisis meeting. i'm with my parents and the unspoken phrase is 'psych unit'. if push comes to shove, i will have to go in. but i will take my laptop with me and be on PC a lot.

thanks, it really helps to know you guys are here. i love this forum.

Glad to hear u controlled your urges and seeking help the right way... this tough time will pass... all will be well again...

Lets shed our final tear,
I wish you all Happy New Year...

thank you and a happy new year to you too... may we all find healing from our illnesses in 2015.

When I've been hurting real bad, I can't think anymore. I know that I'm temporarily unable to think and I've finally learned not to trust the dark thoughts because they're lies. Then it's a relief to let others that I trust take over for me. I get to a place where I just don't know what to do at all. It sounds like people are wanting to go ahead and take care of you for a while.

I guess you can tell from the replies that people here care about you. I'm glad you can take us along on your laptop and even if you can't, you know we'll be thinking about you and rooting for you.