[Shyguy88]

Its been a long time since I Iast posted on the forums. I went through severe depression but doesnt seem as bad as now. (was on Effexor XR, which wasnt working, so I'm on Paxil for depression which seems to help a bit and I'm on Klonopin for anxiety. Also on Serequel at night to help to get to sleep.).

A little over the past 2 months ago I made the most horrible desicion in my life and started Cutting/Burning because I just felt so misrable being alone everyday, having no friends to hang out with and parents that are always to busy to get support from. The physical pain made me feel better emotionally for a bit....but now its became an Addiction, there is a part of me that doesnt want to quit because I enjoy the pain...but there is another part of me that wants to quit because it hurts my family emotionally.

I have been doing the cutting primarly in my room when I'm alone or when no one is home, I used pocknifes, kitchen knifes, 60W light bulbs for burning, and I even broke $30 pair of sunglasses that were in my car that I used to satisfy my urge, I have been regularly been seeing a regular therapist but I'm going to be seeing a new Therapist next Thursday that specializes in SI. I hope the therapy works because I feel more depressed at myself for being ashamed...I have 14 second degree burns..at least I think its 2nd degree burns .....and too my cuts to count...scars that will stay there for rest of my life and I will always have to remember. I just hope i can fight this addiction without having to be around people to watch my back. all my life.

[bipolar_bear]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much pain right now and have fallen into the trap of SI onece again. I am happy you are determined to stop and that is so important. And you are a strong person and can once again stop such a self destruction thing to do to yourself.

Sometimes our non destructive coping mechanisms just aren't strong enough to take such feelings as loneliness. But they are there and you can rely on them to get you thorugh this hard time too. Do you have someone to talk to about this? Many times that helps very much. And posting here may prove to be another thing you can do. Know that you are heard here. Please take care of yourself and try and stay safe. Do you need to see a doc about your wounds? Please do go if you do.

BB

[Soidhonia]

Hello SG.
I am very sorry that you are having such a hard time. I hope your therapy goes well with your new therapist. I also want to give you a hotline number to call in case you need to talk to someone in person. 1-800-DONT-CUT, and 1-800-273-TALK if you would like to talk to someone in person. Journaling your feelings may help some with the way you are feeling so isolated and alone at this time. Many people have had some success through meditation and martial arts as well to learn to redirect the anger and loneliness.There are also people in the chat room some of the time at psych Central if you need to talk to someone as well, where you can make some acquaintences so you will feel less alone. PM anytime. Take care Soidhonia