[dreamrunner]

Hi all...feel bad that I dont frequent this forum as it is such a huge trigger for me.Please excuse my selfishness for needing your support.
Im 40 years old and Ive sh'd since 15.There were many years of little self harm but it did exist,in various forms.
I was recently diagnosed bp2.I dont know how much the si has to do with that but its been a real struggle.
Ive been looking for a support group in my area to no avail....plus Im terrified of anyone knowing my problems.

Anyhow I really screwed up last night.I had been thinking of SH for days previous to the act.Thats why I feel like a weak idiot....because I think I wanted it to happen....wanted to feel CALM.
Now Im avoiding my husband....trying any way for him not to see what Ive done AGAIN.The last time I did this was over a month ago....I thought I was feeling better.
I cant seem to control the urge to sh.I think Im becoming more and more dependant on it.
I just dont know what to do.....I dont feel depressed.....in fact I really dont have an excuse to want to SH so much.
I feel like such a loser for losing control.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((dreamrunner))))))))))))))

You are NOT a loser. SI is something that most of us doing really even know why we crave so much because we know how bad it is for us. Is there any way that you can talk to your husband about how you're feeling? It seems as though this might be something that he would find out in the long run if you continue to do it ... maybe he can help support you in some way? If not .... well we have our own little mini support group on here always willing to listen.

Stay strong, and know that this doesn't make you weak, nor an idiot ... not by any means.

hugs (if okay)
Jacq

[Soidhonia]

(((DREAMRUNNER))). I am very sorry that you are struggling at this time. You just have to take everyday as it comes. If your therapist is not aware that you SI then you are not going to get the help you need and deserve. If this is not quite the forum you need there are other forums such as Depression or Bipolar that may not be as triggering for you at this time. Just because this is the SI forum does not mean if this forum is your trigger then you have to go to this particular Forum. You are more than welcome to get help in the other /Forums as well. There is also a chat daily that has been helpful to many that SI so you can talk and be heard and feel understood. Psych Central is a valuable tool in recovery and I hope in time you think so as well. You are welcome to discuss your SI in chat is needed, there is a support room available as well when you need supportive help in the future. I am glad to see you reaching out for help and support that you need for your disorder and your mental health. It is good to have you here at Psych Central. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( dreamrunner ))))))))))))))))))

[dreamrunner]

M y T does know......and my husband knows that I have si'd in the past.His reaction is horror.....thats why I hide it from him.Hes even said he doesnt think he can handle it.
Because of my recent diagnoses he acts as if everythings gonna be fine cause I seen the right doc(pdoc)and new meds so all better right?
Wrong.

Post deleted by DocJohn

[dreamrunner]

Thanks for all the replies.......Im just so frustrated with the si and other issues.It just seems worse when I feel I have to hide so much.

(((((dreamrunner)))))

I tried many groups but they all triggered me more because clients were allowed to talk in detail how they SI and so forth. The only group that truly helped me was DBT. I greatly reccomend it. Part of the group rules is that you can not discuss SI or even wear cloths that allow anyone to see recent SI healing scars. This group saved my life!!!!!!!!!! The group focuses on treatment and education of different skills to use. They discuss interpersonal effectiveness skills, emotional regulation skills, mindfulness skills, and distress tolerance skills. Hope this helps!

[Irine]

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twirls01 said:
(((((dreamrunner)))))

I The group focuses on treatment and education of different skills to use. They discuss interpersonal effectiveness skills, emotional regulation skills, mindfulness skills, and distress tolerance skills. Hope this helps!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

sounds good!