My husband has a conversion disorder. (When physical symptoms come out from not dealing with emotional stuff) I have been worn to the end from caring for him. (HE can't do basic stuff we take for granted like showering walking, ect...) I never have time for me. Not even when I am sick. I just wanted to go to the YMCA but his symptoms kicked in today. In anger I told him that if he wanted to keep this up and live like an invalid I will buy some diapers and put him in a nursing home. I left for a while to cool down but when I came home he was crying. He said it was not my fault but I know it is. He says he is depressed for a very long time but was to afraid to tell anyone. He did not realize how much he has put me through. At least he is in the hospital getting the help he needs, but I feel soooooooo horrible. I love him. Why did I say what I said. Maybe he needed to hear it. I don't know and feel bad. I have not felt like SI in so long but I actually had those thoughts today. I refuse to act on them but I can't get past this. Sorry to go on and on.

[gostryter]

((((((((((((((twirls01)))))))))))))))))

you are so strong!!!! i can't handle dealing with just myself!!! much less someone else's sadness!!!

you can't feel bad for what you said. i'm not married, but i'd think in a marriage there's a partnership...a sharing of each other's burdens....you have to let each other know what you're feeling or it just won't work....

in just the little you wrote - i see an enormous love! you will both get through this!!

((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((twirls)))))))))))))))))

It's not your fault for reacting the way you did... it has got to be hard dealing with someone else who needs support when you need it too. I'm glad you're not going to act on your thoughts to SI ... you are important and a very good person.

take care of yourself.

Thank you everyone.