[Cthomas]

What a couple of days. i have no computer so i cant post at home. then got a blackberry and it died today.

aside from that a plethora of issues are making today a good day to cut.

I miss you guys. thank god i can use the internet at work.

my laptop died at home
Colleen

PS. why cant i be normal?

[nowheretorun]

(((((( C )))))))) thank God : )

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((( Colleen ))))))))))))

[Cthomas]

Thanks fuzzy and darrell. its just i wish i was normal. no mood swings, no depression, no anxiety. but here i sit a bundle of nerves.

I give up. I guess I should just get used to the fact that I will never pull myself out of anything

me

[nowheretorun]

C, if i may be so bold, i believe deep in the center of each of us is a place that we would love to call 'normal' for ourself.... and, Mom would be there to hold your hand and it'd be safe there and maybe you wouldn't need to cut..... but... this really is not my line of knowledge (cutting)

so, know that i am here for whatever i may be able to do for you .... peace be with you and thank goodness and everythin' for todays technolgy that it is possible to connect with others in our time of need....

((((Cthomas)))))
Never give up
glad you can connect from work
breath in breath out if you can

[selfy]

colleeeenn dont give up

(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

dot

[Cthomas]

Thanks my friend. just trying to calm down right now.
right now is not good. maybe in a bit i will feel better.

C

[Cthomas]

Dot, muffy.....

thanks to you both for being here for me as well. just a lot going on. a friend my age, 39 is in the hospital with mrsa and pneumonia. in the icu and by the time she got there she was almost unconscious. not looking good right now. so add all this plus no way or means of communication at night and it makes things harder.

Thanks

C

[GoodMama]

<font color="red">((((( (((((Colleen Irene Jeanne))))) ))))) </font>

Normal is what you make of it. Would it be "normal" for anyone to feel frustrated (depressed, upset, sad, ready to do something dangerous) when they ...

Have a friend in serious condition in the hospital?

Don't have a car to get to see this friend and the buses/trains wouldn't get them there before the end of visiting hours?

Don't have a computer and a new one is out of the question because there are too many bills to pay?

Have a phone that just died and that's their last contact with the outside world?

Have well-meaning friends who dug up ***** they'd rather forget?

Let me tell you ... let me tell ALL of you ... that, as ditzy as I am, I'm considered "normal" and I'd be frustrated (depressed, upset, sad, ready to do something CRAZY) if MY day was going like YOUR day!

Let it out! Scream! Throw things! ***** and moan! Your friends are here to help you ... and you know your mother is, too. So's the Arctic Fox!

[Cthomas]

Thanks mom.

thanks for telling me its ok to be freaked out today.

I needed that. from you and all of you.

Love ya,

me

[Kiya]

Collene....

You can get through this. That is a lot to handle right now and you definately have an opp to feel out of control, scared, worried, conerned.... AND SAFE. You can be safe while you go through this.

Normal is a setting on the dish washer. Most people in the world considered "normal" I wouldn't trust or want to spend time with. You, you are someone worth having on the planet. Please breathe, center, and focus on things you CAN do - pray if that suits you - for your friend - be in meditation, take a hot bath with bubbles, go for walks, draw out all your frustrations (try charchol or pastels, get your hands nice and dirty and the feeling of really getting in there). scribble in a coloring book with crayons.... try something tactile to get you re-directed.
Many hugs to you!!!
Kiya

[Cthomas]

Thanks kiya, that actually made me laugh "normal is a setting on a dishwasher"

then call me kenmore. i want NORMAL!!! LOL
\
thanks friend, starting to feel better now.

colleen

[jacq10]

((((((((((Colleen))))))))))
Just read this now...
I agree with GoodMama.. you are TOTALLY justified in how you're feeling. You have so much going on right now, and, to be quite honest, if you WEREN'T frustrated, I'd be a tad worried about you
And for the record, I don't believe in normal

me xooxx

[Cthomas]

Thanks jacq,

just having a rotten day. and not being able to communicate after work hours scares the heck out of me.

Luckily my hubs has his phone and hes not working tonite.

Cant wait for the replacement.

me

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Colleen ))))))))))))

[Cthomas]

Thanks for always backing me up....youll never know how much I appreciate it.

Colleen

[Abby]

Sorry you had are having a tough time at the moment. That really sucks. Hang in there, even if you can't get online it doesn't make us disappear - i'm sure you are in a lot of peoples thoughts....you could always just write things on paper and type them in later...i always find that theraputic - but slightly odd too when i look back over what i have written because although it doesn't seem this way, you can never have the same emotion twice. Not really. hmmm....

You're in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that your plate is overflowing right now. It is no wonder you are on overload. Please know I am here for you and you are in my thoughts. I hope you are able to stay safe.

BB

[bchlyn]

colleen you can call me may Tag...i want "normal" too... i am sorry that so many hard things are happening right now... please stay safe...lyn

[Kiya]

Dear Kenmore and Maytag...
Hope you both are doing alright - thinking of you. Knowing you can get through this night, and tomorrow....
Keep posting.
Kiya

[Cthomas]

Kiya, i gotta tell you. when i first read the post where you said normal was a diswasher setting i laughed out loud. and now after seeing your last post im laughing again.

THANK YOU......you are awesome.

Colleen

PS to BB and abby and bchlyn (((((((HUGS)))))))))

[anyone]

Hi, sorry to hear your having such a bad time of things, I hope you manage to look after yourself and stay safe.

[bchlyn]

how are you doing? lyn

[GoodMama]

<font color="red"> 85 Days ... and counting! You're a fantastic dishwasher, Peanut!

AMANA Mama! </font>