[emwell]

Once in awhile people notice injuries or scars on my person. One friend in particular seems to notice everything. Just today my husband asked about a bad bruise. Usually I shrug it off and say "I don't know how I got that" or "I fell when walking the dogs" or "a branch attacked me on my walk". Before we were married, my husband asked about a bad scar. I responded with "I don't want to talk about it." He has never mentioned it again. I feel bad hiding something like this from my husband, but how do you explain to someone that sometimes you just have to hurt yourself?

I'm not sure what site it was at (it was quite awhile ago since I read it), but they had a funny list of ways to respond when someone questions injuries or scars.

I do my best to hide my behavior, but sometimes people do notice. Does anyone have any ideas on what to say when someone asks about injuries? Besides the truth.

<font color=white>laughter really is the best medicine</font color=white>

[Rapunzel]

I usually just say "don't worry about it." My husband knows, and figures it out for himself. Other people don't have a right or need to know, and you don't owe them any explanation. You can make jokes about making love with a porcupine or something or say "I fell" or "I got cut" or whatever. But you don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to.

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[ErinBear]

Hi,

When I did self-injure, I was careful to do it in places that were not obvious, and generally hidden from view, so that helped me a lot and still does in terms of scars. The few times anyone did notice, I said, "I got a cut" and that was all I needed to say - they didn't seem to need any more information.

The exception to this was my counselor. He knows where I have cut, etc., and has asked for more information and even to see the wounds a couple of times...I think mostly to make sure it didn't need medical attention, but also I think he wanted me to know he knew and I didn't have to hide it etc, and he didn't hate me or anything. I felt very ashamed about that at first but it was a good thing in the long run. I think it has helped me to work on stopping. I don't have as big problems with self-injury as I used to, or as some folks do, I think, but I have still wrestled with it, and my counselor has been really good about working with me on this.

However, I don't generally say anything to anyone else. Most people, in my experience, don't know how to deal with this information and find it very frightening. So at least for me, I would talk about it in counseling, for instance, but probably not in too many other places. I have a couple of penpals with whom I can talk about it, but most of the people I know in 3D would be extremely uncomfortable with this.

I have also had problems in the past with people mistaking it for suicidal behavior and I ended up in the psych ward on involuntary hold, so that was really awkward! That, too, has made me even more wary of discussing it with other people.

Anyway, I think less information tends to be better than more, unless it is someone you know really, really well, and you have some idea of how they might take it. If you are in counseling, your counselor might be able to advise you on talkign with your husband, for instance, if that is something you are wanting to try.

Take care,
ErinBear

[emwell]

Thank you both for your replies. I truly appreciate it. I had this behavior under control for years, but I am not doing as well these days. My doctor asked about the bruise on my leg today. I replied with "what bruise". We did discuss it a bit, but all I could tell her was that I was very angry at myself.

I will definitely take the suggestion of discussing how to respond to my husband with my doctor. I truly do not think he would understand. And I am afraid that he will realize that I am not the person he thought he married.

Like I said earlier, I rarely hurt myself in places that people could notice. And I do my best to hide scars from when I was a teen. I guess the best answer would be to stop it all together then I wouldn't have to worry about explanations at all.

<font color=white>laughter really is the best medicine</font color=white>