finally hit

It finally happened last night. My dad took the mental abuse a step farther and hit me last night. As soon as he hit me i swung at him to get him away from me and told him to leave me alone. He hit me again and he took away my cell phone my regular phone, my computer and my cd player so i have no way of talking to the one person i need to. Im at school right now posting this and this is going to be the only way im going to be able to in a while. I cut many times last night, all of them needing stitches. I hate my family. I wish i had nothing to do with them. All i want is to run away and never to see them again.
Max

Max,
I want to say "You Must go to your school counsoler" but I know it may not be as simple as that. I can't help but think that it would be a good idea for your own safety to get outside help. Please consider talking to a teacher or someone. This is not a good situation and no one has the right to hit you, not even your father, no matter what the reason is.
Carrie

Dear Kax,

I agree with Carrie, you need to talk to counselor . You know that I care about you. Your dad needs help right now. I don't want him to hurt you worse next time. This is not right for him to be doing. Keep posting and look for me in chat, I will be looking for you.
((((((((((((((((((kax))))))))))))))))))))

Leslie

Kax:
First of all, I have to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. But looking to your future... do you want to look back at these years and say "I was the kid whose dad abused him", or do you want to be "the kid who stood up for himself and got help"?

Nobody should ever hurt you like that. Definitely talk to your counselor or maybe your grandparents? But whoever you talk to, be sure to remind them that if they are willing to help, then they have to be willing to do MORE than just talk to your dad -- that would make it worse, so you have to be sure they will take it as far as it needs to go to get you into a better situation.

((((((((((kax)))))))) I am so sorry this is happening to you. I care about you and don't like seeing you hurting. You really do need to talk with someone that can help you. I will be thinking of you........

((((((Kax))))))) if ok.

I feel for you. I know what you're going through and it's tough. I didn't open my mouth and am now having to sort through all these issues. Please consider telling somebody. Don't keep the weight of all this on your shoulders, someone you trust, let them help you carry it.

A school counselor is good, but sometimes it's extremely difficult to open up to someone who you don't know if you should trust. Someone mentioned a grandparent. Perhaps your dad's parents or mother's parents, or an aunt or uncle. Someone you feel close to, who you think will help you.

I will be thinking of you and hoping that things get better. Sometimes, they only get better with intervention. Don't let him break you. You are a strong, capable person and you do not deserve what you're getting.

Take Care and ((((Hugs))))
Kimberly.

Hey everyone thanks for responding. Well i ran away from home. Im at the library right now. Im not sure where im going to be sleeping tonight. Im not going to go to school tomorrow. My mom knows that i cut now but i dont care. Im going to shut them out of my life for good. I hate them so much and i dont want to be with them anymore.
Max

No......!!!!!
Aw man, Max... I can't say I blame you and to be honest, I ran away from home once when I was a teenager. I didn't make it very far, though. The problem with just running away is that your parents will give your picture to the police and next thing you know, they'll drag you back home again. In the long run, it's NOT the most effective way of dealing with the problem, and your parents will most likely only see it as being immature. I highly doubt that they will 'get it'.

The only way that they WILL get it is if you handle the situation maturely. Acting out or doing anything dramatic just causes parents to roll their eyes.

I've been (not QUITE) in your shoes and now that I'm older, I can tell you that the way I went about fixing the parental problems was all wrong. You have to act like an adult to get through to adults.

Want to meet in Chat?

Max,

Where are you now? Maybe home isn't a good place for you, but there are people who can help. Here's a webpage with some places you can call. Youth Helpline Or just call 1-800-999-9999. You don't have to deal with this all by yourself.
Wendy

Max -- where are you? What's going on?

Max:

I hope everything is going okay for you but we're very concerned around here. Please let us know when you're able that you are safe.

Take care and please consider finding a safe place and tell.

Kimberly.

Im back at home now. I dont like it there at all. I tried to explain to them(parents) why i do what i but they still dont get it. They dont want to accept the fact that its them. They blame it on everything and everyone but themselves. They are so [edited] oblivious to everything. I just gave up trying to get it through to them and just told them it was school, something they believed. They arent taking me to a therapist or anything. They just called it a little misunderstanding. They said next time they find out i cut they are going to send me away to a rehab center. Yea thats exactly what i need(sarcasim). They think they know whats best for me but they dont. I just want to go live with my friend or my sister.They know whats best for me and they would take care of me. God i hate them so much. I told them i hated them too but they said i didnt mean it. I meant every word of it. So pretty much i just have to put on that damn happy mask like everything is fine. I hate doing that. My friend knows everything that happened and im going to her house this weekened. Things are always better there and im happy there. Sorry about rambling on.
Max

Well, I'm glad that you're safe anyway. I was worried about you.

Listen, though -- I think you should re-read what I wrote about ways that your parents WILL "get it". They guarantee won't get it if you say you hate them. Believe me, it is a common phase that many teenagers hate their parents. I'm not saying that it's 'just a phase' in your case, but because it's a typical thing that teenagers go through, it's not going to be very effective in getting your parents to realize how unhappy you are with THEM.

You've got to go about this maturely. Have you asked them if you could see a therapist? I would think that since they know about the cutting and would be willing to send you to rehab, that they'd rather get you into therapy first (if for no other reason than it's less expensive and yes, less traumatic for them -- no matter what, it hurts them to see their son hurting). I know that I don't know YOUR parents, but see what they say.

Here is my suggestion:
1) get your sister's advice
2) develop a list of the things that are bothering you. Take the emotion out of it completely -- make it entirely fact-based.
3) develop a responsible plan for dealing with the things your are unhappy about. Review it with your sister, maybe also with us, if you want
4) see if your sister will agree to take you in on a temporary basis if things get bad again
5) start practicing yoga (get a tape or something) -- you'll need to be relaxed to have mature discussions with your parents
6) ask your parents if you can have a meeting with them to discuss the way things have been lately. If they say no, then go back to step 4
7) if they say yes, then lay out your list of what's been bothering you, and say you would like to work on a plan TOGETHER with them for how you can all live with each other for the next few years until you are out of the house. Have your plan ready, but don't necessarily show it to them -- they still feel the need to control the situation and lay the rules, but you can offer your ideas as suggestions.
8) make one rule clear: that there is NEVER any reason to hit you. Emphasize that you are willing to discuss anything they want, but no hitting. See if your dad will be willing to talk about why he let his self-control go like that. And think about what happened prior to him hitting you. I'd imagine that he had to be pretty pissed off -- what do you think pissed him off so much?

Some things that will surely piss him off:
- threating to leave, cut, etc; parents do not like to be threatened. Reporting them IS an option, but if you have to do it, then just do it -- don't threaten
- yelling at them or cursing
- slamming doors, breaking things, being destructive
- accusing them of things. Make everything fact-based, non-emotional.
- showing anger -- sadness is fine and normal, but anger, in general, tends to get ignored or fuels retaliatory anger

I went through your post history and didn't see much specific about how they act, so I don't know if these are reasonable steps for your situation. I DO know that running away, telling them that THEY are the problem and that you hate them WILL NOT WORK. Guaranteed. Their reaction is predictable without me even knowing them. You've got to find away to put your emotions aside when you talk to them (yoga is good for this) otherwise you'll just look hormonal and like a drama queen. Pretend your a business guy trying to sell a proposal to a customer. THAT's the kind of talk that they can understand.

Max, I am really sorry that you're going through this. I know the pain you feel, because I was there myself. Please feel free to post ideas here about how you can deal with your situation -- I, for one, would be glad to talk to you about your coping methods.

LMo thanks for the suggestions. To bad i didnt talk to you before this all happened.Maybe things would of workded our differently or maybe they wouldnt have.I dont know. I am done trying to make them get it. Im not going to try again. If they dont get it then thats to damn bad for them. I would like that if we could get together in the chat room and talk. But first i need to get my internet back, which they took away from me. My friend gave me her phone so we can talk and that helps a whole hell of alot. I need to get back to class. Yea im at school. I didnt want to come today but i did. Hopefully things with you are doing well and i hope you and everyone else here is doing well.
Max

Hey Max,

I just want to let you know that I care, and I hope you will be ok. You can still call those numbers I gave you - they don't only help runaways. They are also available as resources for any kids who need help. Your parents may never 'get it' - some parents are just clueless. That's not what it's about though. You need to get help. If they are willing to send you to a treatment program if you cut again, then I bet they would let you have therapy. It doesn't have to stay like this.

Love,
Wendy

First of all dear, ((((((hugs)))))); sorry for this unacceptable behavior.

I agree wholeheatedly with these responses. This is not acceptable and needs to be stopped. Please take all of this advise.

I wish I could say more, but I think everyone is right here.

We are pulling for you, please keep us informed. You do not deserve such a life. I am sorry for your pain.

I am keeping you in my thoughts, please get help.

Justy

Hey Max -- haven't heard from you in a few days. Have you gotten your computer back yet? What about posting from school (as an aside, I still can't get over that they have internet in schools now)

Hey LMo. Yea ive been busy and i did get my internet back. A friend from germany came over and my dad wanted him to have access so he hooked me back up and forgot he did. Yea it is pretty crazy that we have to internet at school but hey. im not complaining. I'll be looking for you in the chat room. Thanks for all the advise you gave me. Oh and some good news. I havent cut in 4 days.
Max

That's great about the 4 day milestone, Max. I read in someone else's post that their therapist suggested using a red marker instead when the cutting urge hits. I thought that was a pretty good idea. It's a horrible habit and the sooner you can wean yourself off it, the better off you'll be.

"Living well is the best revenge". No matter what happens with your dad, remember to always take the higher road. It's not his fault if you do bad things -- but it's not to his credit if you do good things, either -- you'll get the blame or the credit for either... so take the higher road and be proud of yourself for doing so.

I'm glad things are relatively smooth right now -- hope they stay that way. What grade are you in, anyway?