looking for help

Hi everyone.

I mostly post on the depression forum, but I figured this would fit better here.

I used to burn myself and cut a lot (mainly my wrists) about three years ago. I had to be hospitalized once for cutting.

I've been generally able to suppress that urge ever since my last hospialization, but I've been facing the urge, more so recently than ever, to cut again.

Further, I just realized that what I thought was just a nervous habit is really just another way for me to SI. I rip the skin off the bottom of my feet. I usually thought I just did this when I was nervous, but I've realized I do it more when I'm sad than when I'm anxious. Plus, the pain and blood are what I'm really after. Sometimes I do it so much that I physically can't walk, and it almost always hurts for me to walk.

So I guess I have two questions I hope you all can help me out with. First, do any of you have advice for fighting the urge to cut? And also, do any of you rip skin off your feet? It seems so weird that I never really thought anything of it, and felt kind of strange asking anyone about it, so I figured here would be the best place to turn right now. Thanks for reading.

J

Hello!

It helps me sometimes when I have the urge to cut or harm myself if I write about whatever is on my mind. At other times, and if it is possible, I simply go to bed and go to sleep. Those are my best and only suggestions, as I don't tend to do so well at resisting those urges.

To answer your other question, I used to rip the skin off the bottoms of my feet all the time. For some reason, it lost its appeal and I quit doing that.

Glad to have you here!

Hugs...

hello
There are a lot of ways to stop the urge to cut. I'm sure that you have heard most before but just as a reminder...
1. Use a rubber band and snap it on your wrist if u want pain.
2. Use a red pen/marker to draw on your wrists.
3. Scream in a pillow.
4. Call a friend
5. PM someone on here and vent.
6. Write how your feeling down.
7. Email someone
8. Exercise
9. Listen to UPBEAT music
10. If u don't have anything around just think of something that makes you happy and avoid what doesnt.

I hope these helped you can PM me anytime. I'm going through some of the same things. And I know that it is easier said then done. Best of luck!

Me

Idk.. Just some ideas. I hope they help.

Thanks for your support, July and me05. I think I need to talk to my t. Problem is she's on my college campus and I'm stuck at home for the summer--which is probably why I'm having these urges again...

I've tried most of those methods: the rubber band doesn't hurt enough; the red pen just doesn't do anything; I have little privacy at home, so screaming in a pillow is likely to be overheard (I get yelled at for crying or anything like that); talking to a friend usually works, but I can never get a hold of anyone; I'm still new here, so I don't know who I could PM about this; I'm too depressed to put pen to paper; I exercies a lot, but it's no substitute; I don't really HAVE any upbeat music :/ ; and it's hard for me to find anything positive to think about when I get like this. The one method that used to work for me, but isn't doing that much for me anymore, is running ice-cubes over my wrist or clenching them in my fist. It's a really intense feeling, but it doesn't stop the urge anymore...

I haven't cut again yet, but I'm afraid I will. I want to feel that pain again, because I feel I deserve to hurt... The third anniversary of my mother's passing is coming up in less than a week and my feelings are all so intense, but I can't cry. I feel like I'd be able to if I cut again...

How long did it take you to stop ripping skin off your feet, Jully?

Thanks for replying, though. I really appreciate it.

(((((((((Jully))))))))))
(((((((((me05))))))))

J

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

I can't say I've engaged in that form of self-injury, but I know how hard it is to stop a behaviour when it starts off as a sort of 'nervous habit' to deal with anxiety.

There is a big post in the main Self Injury forum ... "Things to do instead of self-injuring" that is pinned at the top. You should check it out, because there may be other ideas there that you hadn't thought of.

Sometimes the urge can be really strong and no positive coping mechanisms seem to work... that's when I either try to get out of the house and be around people (even if I don't know them, like going to a mall) or I take a nap. Usually once I fall asleep and wake up again... the urge is gone, or at least diminished.

I'm sorry your T is on campus.... I see one on campus as well, so I know how difficult it is to get ahold of someone when its the summertime and you're nowhere nearby.

I'm sorry about your mom's anniversary. That's hard. We have a grief forum as well (if you didn't know) that you can post in ... lots of understanding people there as well.

Keep posting here. Write poetry. Write words. Rip something to shreds (I like ripping old books... very satisfying). Or if you don't have a stuffed animal already, buy one and punch it. Or throw it. Or cry and use it to soak up tears. Or you can talk to it. Or hug it to death. Sometimes that helps for the emotional side of things.

You can PM me whenever, and I will always be willing to listen and offer support. Be safe, and take care of yourself.

Too be honest, I think that the only way of fighting these urges sucessfuly is to remind yourself what bad becomes of it.

I nearly lost my sweetie because of it recently, so everytime I feel the urges I just remind myself that I cant do it, because I know if I do I'm risking our relationship, or even worse - I'll lose him. And it really keeps me going, because I made him a promise that I'd do anything to stop and by saying 'no' to my urges in that one moment in time, Im keeping that promise.

So why not think about the time you ended up in hospital when you feel the need to? I mean, it must have gave you quite a scare as you managed to stay clean for a while. Think about those around you who love you, dont forget that everytime you harm yourself you are harming them aswell.

Also, I try to stay away from the snap band and holding ice cubes ideas... aren't they just another way of self harming? I mean, I know you wont get physical marks, but at the end of the day your still inflicting pain on yourself after all.

I never pick at the skin on my feet, but I have to admit I do have other 'habits' that are equally just as bad, Im also starting to wonder whether these fall under the SI catagory as i've noticed I do it as a way to calm me down etc, and I do bleed, and I do get sore.

Hope this helps you anyways hun, goodluck

babyg xXx

Thanks Christina and BabyG. (((((((hugs))))))))

I think one of the main reasons I'm having such strong urges is that I feel insignificant to other people right now. Being at home from college brings out the worst in me and isolates me from those I love.

Plus, I feel all these feelings and want to cry, but can't. In the not-too-distant past when I still cut/burned, the way I got those feelings to stop swirling around was either by crying or by SI: when option A didn't work, I pusued option B. Now I've been feeling so miserable for so long--essentially since I got back home from college--that I'm just dying for a release... I don't know what to do.

I've been able to divert my urges by exercising, but I don't know if that'll keep working. What do you all think?

Thanks so much for your support; without you, I don't know where'd I'd be right now...



Take care,
J

Hi Der_Sohn_des_Leides!!

Seems I'm a few posts behind but I'm here to offer some support.
I know how the isolation thing feels..I'm out of school too and I always struggle with my self injury through the summer because I am isolated from people except for work and my family.

Usually when I get really strong urges and feel really unsafe I get out of the house..I go for a walk and just remove myself from the situation.
Excersing is good relase too!

Keep reminders of things that make you feel really good or of things you hope for in the future around. I keep a journal and in the pocket of it I keep posts from people here that have supported me and the requirments of what it takes to be a state trooper because that is a career I would love to have. It helps to remind me of why I shouldn't cut.

Maybe watching a movie to distract yourself or reading a book?
Or instead of screaming into a pillow maybe punching it or throwing it around?
Maybe drawing and writing how you feel on paper and then ripping the paper up..that one has helped me alot.
You could always make a post here in the Self Injury Fourm too!!

If you ever want to talk do feel free to pm me I am always up to listening!!

Best wishes and I hope this has helped!!
Silver

I suppose excercising is a healthy way of getting rid of these urges, but just becareful you dont overdo it!

I completely understand why you feel this way being at home from college, because your alone, but why not use the time wisely - have some me time, and instead of mourning being away from the ones you love, look forward to when you go back instead (if you are going back?)

It may seem hard now, but it will get better, you just need to keep holding on, as you obviously have it in you to stay strong even if you might not know it!

babyg xXx

Thank you, Silver and BabyG. Although this is a dark time for me, at least I'm not alone...

I would use this time as "me time", but one of the annoying habits I have developed at school is to work obsessively and nonstop. Problem is, when I'm back home, all the will to live and to do anything is sucked from me. So I'm in quite a Catch-22: can't work because I'm so depressed and lethargic, and can't relax because I beat myself up for not doing any work...

Plus, every day that passes overwhelms me with more and more grief 'cause the third anniversary of my mother's passing is getting nearer and nearer. I have so many feelings pent up inside and just can't get them out... I just wanna cry, but can't .

Thank you for your support. I'm still hanging on, even if only by a few worn threads...

J