Cutting again

I cut last night, not deep but a lot. It was the only thing I could do. I had too. If I hadn't cut I was going to do something stupid, I decided to cut first and then see what happened. I went to sleep after I cut. I felt a little better. I am going to be seeing a friend today and I will tell her about last night and if she thinks I should call my T I will. Maybe it is better to be locked up in a hospital, than to continue to cut just so I don't have to do anything worse. I am just really messed up in the head right now. Maybe a hospital stay would be best. I don't like the idea but maybe.

(((((((Nicole)))))) Poor dear. I do hope your friend gives you sound advice. I don't think hospital would be a stretch, and it'll keep you safe. Please consider it even if your friend doesn't. We care about you and want you to be safe.

Take Care of yourself,
Kimberly.

aw (((((((Nicole))))))) I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad right now. I hope your friend has good advice for you and i think it would be good to talk to your therapist. I think you should keep the hospital in mind, but only as a last resort. Take care and do whats best for you and be safe.
Max

Well I chickened out I couldn't tell my friend. She knew something was wrong and ask me about it a few times and I refused to talk about it. I don't know what happened, I went with the intention of talking to her about it. I couldn't even admit that I had cut again yesterday. I got scared. I cant go to the hospital again. It will cost me my job and I cant lose that right now. Cause if I lose my job, I lose m,y house and car. I would lose everything. If I stay out of the hospital, I stand a chance of not losing everything as long as I choose like i did last night and just cut. I know it is probably not the best thing for me to do right now, but it is all i can do.
Nicole

Nicole - Can you let us know how you are doing? I can see how worried you are about a hospital stay. I wonder if your T knows about these financial worries? Give us all an update please and let us know if you have spoken to you T and when your next appt is. Thank hon. Emmy

Hey Emmy,
I doing much better. I did just take my first sick day since Jan. Anyway, I am fine now, so T doesn't need to know. I do have an appt with T on Wedsnesday though.
Nicole

Weeeellll - I beg to differ with you. I think T does need to know. And it would be swell if you would think about saying, "look I had this bad time, did this here thing, but I'm doing a lot better now. It felt important to tell you about it tho, because I know it's important to be open with you". Just something to think about.

For me, the point of therapy was to share EVERYTHING. That was the ONE place I could do that. I went there to get better. To improve me and my messed up life. To keep secrets from him didn't make sense to me. And, heck, I spent a lot of money on it! I wanted to get my monies worth. But that's just me!

Keep doing well, and keep an open mind to all the possibilities, ok?

emmy

I agree with Emmy.

(((Nicole))) So glad that you're feeling better, but you really should share this information with your T. How can he/she help you if you're not completely honest with them about this. Ofcourse, this is just my opinion. I just care about what happens to you and would hate to see you holding all this information within you. It's very difficult to shoulder it all by yourself.

Take Care of yourself.
Stay safe,
Kimberly.

Emmy and Kimberly,
Thank your for your concern. I will think about it. My relationship with T is new and I am still working on trusting her. You aer right though I do need to be honest.
Nicole