garbled, scared thoughts... poss trig?

Hi, kinda newbie here. Have posted on and off depending on how things are. What I love about these site is the sense of community, you all care for each other no matter what is going on yourself. I've never stayed posting long enough to become a 'member' coz I've always felt unwelcome, I think thats myself not believing I deserve to be cared about which is fair enough, I understand. Its just nice to know I can talk about what scares me and it doesn't necessarily matter if anyone cares or even replies because it gets it out of me, I guess like when I bleed. Its removing the hate from me, thats a bit confuzzled but I hope you get the general gist. My story is odd, I guess its that I can't understand why I cut, I have a good job and am happy there. I haven't done anything for months but its like the pressure building up inside and the more time it is the more I feel I need to cut rather than feeling proud that I haven't done it. No one knows I do it, which I am happy with, I hate talking about it, the Internet makes it easier but I still feel like I am being judged or wasting peoples time. I think I am quite insecure, I am not happy with myself the way I am. I think cutting makes me feel different or...I don't know. Phew...

(((((((((((((((savinggrace))))))))))) you are such a part of this community. Im so glad you posted. I totally understand how your feel. When I feel myself inside wanting to start cut and despise the fact that I haven't cut, I try to remember that I deserve happiness, I am committed to self-care, and I will investigate all emotions that run counter to that. Hope you keep posting!

((((((((((((((((((saving grace))))))))))))))))))

It's good to see you posting again! No one is judging you here :-)

Take care,
Fuzzy

((((saving_grace)))))

You are completely welcome here. I hope you will post whenever you need us. We are always here for you.

Hang in there, ok?

Angela

*Hugs* Glad to see you posting of course you're a member here!

((((((Grace))))))) << I just felt like hugging you, but only if you want a hug, ok?

I've felt like you were a member of this group ever since you first posted here. BTW, you have great insight to be able to recognize that you might feel unwelcome because you feel like you don't deserve to be cared about. A lot of us can relate to that belief, but I'm sure you wouldn't think that anyone else doesn't deserve to be cared about, would you? You deserve to be cared about too. I promise. Once you have identified that you feel that way, you can start to counter the belief.

I'm glad that you posted again, and hope that you will post again any time that you feel like it, whether you need some help or need a friend, or just feel like talking.

Thank you, all hugs welcome!

(((((everyone)))))

I hope I can make you feel as good as your replies made me feel.

I want to officially welcome you. I know you have posted quite a few times but I think it is important to say "Welcome to our little home. Pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable."

I can relate to the whole not quite understanding why you are cutting when on the outside everything seems to be fine. I have been working hard on increasing my own self worth. I have come a long way but the old programming that taught me I am not worth anything keeps coming up and biting me on the backside. Things are getting better though. Lots better.

Before I go, I want to let you know that you are important here. Each person who shares her or his difficulty with self injury adds to all of our understanding of what is driving us to continue this...activity. You have helped us now let us help you.
Carrie