[CantExplain]

I'm not sure this is the right room, but I figure:

1. Pornography is a just an aspect of who I am, not a major issue

2. I want to reach a wide audience

3. It might turn out not be about sex at all

So here goes.

I have a large pornography collection. I keep it on a thumb drive so I can take it away and keep it safe when my daughter borrows my computer or I take it in to work.

I spend a lot of time ORGANISING it: ranking, classifying, adjusting the pictures for contrast, colour etc. A lot of pornography is produced by VERY POOR photographers. (Sorry folks, it's not enough to undress the model and aim the camera. Think about lighting!) But I digress.

So maybe it's more about being an obsessive collector than anything else.

I feel, rightly or wrongly, that pornography has helped me. (Some people prefer to use the word "erotica", but lets not quibble.)

1. It validates my interest in sex.

2. As a man who has had only one lover, I am curious to know what other women's bodies look like. (I prefer curvaceous, cuddly women with dark hair - like my wife.)

3. It makes some of my "unusual tastes" seem less unusual, and makes it easier for me to accept them. Example: being spanked.

4. I found it a useful way to explore sexual ideas that I would never have the opportunity to try for myself. Example: gay sex.

5. It gives me a sense of control. Speculation: This may be a common motivation for seeking pornography, and may explain why feminists hate it so much. But for me, a sense of control is reassuring.

[Ygrec23]

Hey, CantExplain,

I understand that you're feeling that you're doing what you have to do, but I really wonder if this is the right place or the right time. Something tells me that your post will bother or make uncomfortable a lot of people on PC, which just may not be the right arena for your avowal. Don't want to hurt your feelings. Don't want to put you down. Just a word to the wise to help you avoid unhappy stuff. We all have our problems, whatever they may be. Me, myself I'm not into pornography, and that gives me an outside point of view that you can possibly take advantage of. You might want to rethink what you're doing here and undo it to the extent you can. Don't want you to leave PC. Don't want you to stop participating in everything. Don't want AT ALL to hurt your feelings, but this might just not be a good idea. Take good care.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm not sure this is the right room, but I figure:

1. Pornography is a just an aspect of who I am, not a major issue

2. I want to reach a wide audience

3. It might turn out not be about sex at all

So here goes.

I have a large pornography collection. I keep it on a thumb drive so I can take it away and keep it safe when my daughter borrows my computer or I take it in to work.

I spend a lot of time ORGANISING it: ranking, classifying, adjusting the pictures for contrast, colour etc. A lot of pornography is produced by VERY POOR photographers. (Sorry folks, it's not enough to undress the model and aim the camera. Think about lighting!) But I digress.

So maybe it's more about being an obsessive collector than anything else.

I feel, rightly or wrongly, that pornography has helped me. (Some people prefer to use the word "erotica", but lets not quibble.)

1. It validates my interest in sex.

2. As a man who has had only one lover, I am curious to know what other women's bodies look like. (I prefer curvaceous, cuddly women with dark hair - like my wife.)

3. It makes some of my "unusual tastes" seem less unusual, and makes it easier for me to accept them. Example: being spanked.

4. I found it a useful way to explore sexual ideas that I would never have the opportunity to try for myself. Example: gay sex.

5. It gives me a sense of control. Speculation: This may be a common motivation for seeking pornography, and may explain why feminists hate it so much. But for me, a sense of control is reassuring.

As a woman married to man that has an addiction to pornography, I can tell you from experience that this is one of the most damaging things a man can do to a woman.

He has hurt me to core of my soul. Not only does pornography lead to the temptation to 'explore' a sexual relationship with other women online, it is also totally disrespectful to the woman that he supposedly "loves, honors, and cherishes."

How can you honor you wife and be sexually gratifying yourself by lusting after other women? Does she know about your addiction to pornography?

I just went through a terrible ordeal with my husband. Go to the forum "A Third Place" and you can read about what happened. It has damaged me to the point of no return.

I have been a victim of this for 18 years. It destroys a marriage.

I am curious as to why this thread is gaining views, but no comments......

[rainbow8]

Squiggle, many threads get a lot of views but not many replies. I hope you're okay with what you're posting here.

I don't think people know what to say. I know I don't. It's over my head and I don't even know if CantExplain, you have a question or just want your behavior to be validated.

However, this is the psychotherapy forum so I think you would get more support posting in the forum about sexual issues. I forgot what it's called exactly. Or maybe your thread will be moved there anyway.

[Yoda]

As a woman I found that how my man viewed porn made all the difference. My first husband used to look at porn by himself and substituted it for sex with me. Not surprising I was miffed

But my last BF showed me the porn and together we looked at it and made comments, like s/he is hot, or wow how do they do that and stuff like that. It was fun when it was a shared activity and led to more fun in the bedroom.

I don't think you can make a blanket statement about whether porn is good or bad. It depends on the couple and how the porn is viewed and how the couple communicates about it.

My two cents...

[CantExplain]

The reason I started this thread is that I've seen a number of posts by women who are upset and perhaps even frightened by their men's pornography collections.

I wanted them to see one man's honest experience. I thought it might help understanding between men and women on this topic.

It's not a problem for me and it's not a problem for my wife. I'm not looking for help.

[Emily_Strange]

Haha, totally hear you on the lighting thing. I could do a better job in my college TV production studio.

But on the actual topic. I think its very interesting that you have an outlet for your kinks. I applaud that you don't seek them outside of your marriage...Assuming you are still sleeping with your wife and not substituting it for sex like a previous poster said.

Your lack of experience seems to coincide with your porn collection - Perhaps you wouldn't care to have as much if you had sought these experiences to begin with. I wonder that about my boyfriend, too, who has photos of girls bent over touching themselves all over everything...But he is far less experienced as me. I have porn, but tend to fulfill my kinks in the real world so I don't have as much. Plus I'm a girl...So I find it much less interesting than someone who may be a bit repressed.

So maybe the question is if porn is a proper outlet for repression.

[wackywidow]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I'm not sure this is the right room, but I figure:

1. Pornography is a just an aspect of who I am, not a major issue

2. I want to reach a wide audience

3. It might turn out not be about sex at all

So here goes.

I have a large pornography collection. I keep it on a thumb drive so I can take it away and keep it safe when my daughter borrows my computer or I take it in to work.

I spend a lot of time ORGANISING it: ranking, classifying, adjusting the pictures for contrast, colour etc. A lot of pornography is produced by VERY POOR photographers. (Sorry folks, it's not enough to undress the model and aim the camera. Think about lighting!) But I digress.

So maybe it's more about being an obsessive collector than anything else.

I feel, rightly or wrongly, that pornography has helped me. (Some people prefer to use the word "erotica", but lets not quibble.)

1. It validates my interest in sex.

2. As a man who has had only one lover, I am curious to know what other women's bodies look like. (I prefer curvaceous, cuddly women with dark hair - like my wife.)

3. It makes some of my "unusual tastes" seem less unusual, and makes it easier for me to accept them. Example: being spanked.

4. I found it a useful way to explore sexual ideas that I would never have the opportunity to try for myself. Example: gay sex.

5. It gives me a sense of control. Speculation: This may be a common motivation for seeking pornography, and may explain why feminists hate it so much. But for me, a sense of control is reassuring.

Please accept the fact that my following comments are not directed at you personally. They are addressed to the whole chain of events that occur from the frequent use of pornography. Pornography doesn't have a proper place in anyone's life. If it does, it affects a person's mind consciously and unconciously; it affects how someone thinks and feels about himself. Ususally, such a person has a very low self-esteem. Those who try and hide it from others are usually feeling guilty about it as they struggle to justify it. Nevertheless, porn has led to many, many crimes against women and the value of womanhood in our society today. Women, from all walks of life, at all ages, have been abused because of it, physically, emotionally and sexually. Some women never recover from those experiences. Some have lost their lives to it. Porn is not just an "off the cuff" issue. It also destroys a healthy notion of masculinity. If you need to feel control, you are looking in the wrong places. Porn is not going to do it for you. If you think it does, then your marrriage may be in deep trouble. It is so easy for all of us to live a lie.

I see many hidden problems in your post. I sincerely respect your honesty, but I honestly think you need some help with your thinking on the matter. I do not think this is the place for your comments. Please respect me for my opinion. You need to share these feelings you have with a trusted therapist, who is qualified in sexual behaviors. I wish you all the luck there is to be had.

[wackywidow]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Squiggle, many threads get a lot of views but not many replies. I hope you're okay with what you're posting here.

I don't think people know what to say. I know I don't. It's over my head and I don't even know if CantExplain, you have a question or just want your behavior to be validated.

However, this is the psychotherapy forum so I think you would get more support posting in the forum about sexual issues. I forgot what it's called exactly. Or maybe your thread will be moved there anyway.

I am asking myself the same questions. It sounds like a request for a vote of approval which I cannot give having been a victim of porn in the workplace.

[wackywidow]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

The reason I started this thread is that I've seen a number of posts by women who are upset and perhaps even frightened by their men's pornography collections.

I wanted them to see one man's honest experience. I thought it might help understanding between men and women on this topic.

It's not a problem for me and it's not a problem for my wife. I'm not looking for help.

Porn is used by both men and women. Its use, regardless of the user, lessens the value on feminity and masculinity. It is destructive to both. Do you want your daughter's BF using porn the way you do?

[Typo]

It depends on the couple and how your wife feels about it. Does it ever impare your ability to have sex with your wife? I have no issue with porn (I am a woman) me and my bf will watch porn together sometimes as a way to change up our sex life. I use porn when bf isn't around, bf does the same and we both are aware of this and are comfortable with this and it never impares our sex life together, nor does it upset me . If it is affecting your relationship with your wife, or you are hiding it from her then yes I would re-evaluate what you are doing and stop. If it is imparing any part of your life then it is an unhealthy obession. Otherwise I am not sure what you are asking with the post. Wishing you the best -Typo

Originally Posted by wackywidow

Porn is used by both men and women. Its use, regardless of the user, lessens the value on feminity and masculinity. It is destructive to both. Do you want your daughter's BF using porn the way you do?

There's all different types of porn and there's all different ways someone may deal with porn. Blanket statements like this are pretty pointless. There's a big difference between a couple who occasionally watch porn together and someone who substitutes it for sex and is watching the more devaluing type of porn, such as rape porn or even the illegal CP.

I think a lot of erectile dysfuntion in young men is caused by porn. It does desensitize a man, because it's happened to me. I cut down on watching porn for that reason.

[hamster-bamster]

I find porn hilarious and amusing. I do not understand how it can be arousing and how you can masturbate to it. I just do not get it. It is just too funny to me. But oh well, whatever people like is OK so long as it does not harm anyone.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by wackywidow

Do you want your daughter's BF using porn the way you do?

My daughters are too young for BF's, but eventually they will be old enough. I do not think I care about their hypothetical BF's porn usage. I would hope that my daughters, who are both exceedingly hot, would have their sexual needs met by the respective BF's, and if there is some leftover sperm after that, then, OK, let them use porn, why not? I think I would be indiffirent to that. Not that anyone would tell me, anyway, but if for some very odd reason someone needed my opinion, it is that - indiffirence.

[Big Mama]

Can't explain I am so sorry you are comming up against such displeasure w/ this topic.
It is sad because this is the one place I seek out to not be judged.

I support what you are saying. Porn does have it's place. If used in the right setting. I know that movies in the making can be done under sinceless and tasteless circumstances, drugged, drunken, simply uncooperativeness. I *** ume and hope this is not the kind of content you are talking about.

I do not have a problem w/ my H viewing porn. It's me he comes to bed with. I to view porn so I guess thats why I do not have a problem w/ it. We, my H and I have used it as a tool to advance things in the name of good fun. I have had had 2 partners prior to my H. My H has had one before me. So we are not the most experienced bunch of people. Porn has greately opened the door of communication. Some things are just very hard to explain. What we view together can easily be turned into a topic for discussion or an oppertunity for direction. I personally use frequently "remember when we saw "whatever" try that or thy person is exactly right that is the way things work.

I know this will certinly get this withdrawn and it is not my intent. I have used porn for a therepy like circumstance. I was raped many years ago. I like porn. I know that is weird. But in my alone time I have watched my fair share of female friendly porn. It has helped me see that sex and sexuallity is not something horriffic. It is not "Bad", it is not dirty it is not something to be forced on some one. Sec is something poeple can like. So see this is a Therepy type place. Now pron is used for my personal therepy.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

Can't explain I am so sorry you are comming up against such displeasure w/ this topic.
It is sad because this is the one place I seek out to not be judged.

I support what you are saying. Porn does have it's place. If used in the right setting. I know that movies in the making can be done under sinceless and tasteless circumstances, drugged, drunken, simply uncooperativeness. I *** ume and hope this is not the kind of content you are talking about.

I do not have a problem w/ my H viewing porn. It's me he comes to bed with. I to view porn so I guess thats why I do not have a problem w/ it. We, my H and I have used it as a tool to advance things in the name of good fun. I have had had 2 partners prior to my H. My H has had one before me. So we are not the most experienced bunch of people. Porn has greately opened the door of communication. Some things are just very hard to explain. What we view together can easily be turned into a topic for discussion or an oppertunity for direction. I personally use frequently "remember when we saw "whatever" try that or thy person is exactly right that is the way things work.

I know this will certinly get this withdrawn and it is not my intent. I have used porn for a therepy like circumstance. I was raped many years ago. I like porn. I know that is weird. But in my alone time I have watched my fair share of female friendly porn. It has helped me see that sex and sexuallity is not something horriffic. It is not "Bad", it is not dirty it is not something to be forced on some one. Sec is something poeple can like. So see this is a Therepy type place. Now pron is used for my personal therepy.

that is actually quite refreshing - pornography as a therapeutic, educational, and communication tool

[Big Mama]

FIRST I AM SO SORRY FOR MY TERRIBLE SPELLING. YIKES. I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CORRECT THE ERRORS. SCARY HUH.


Thank you Hampster. This is the first time I have mentioned my relationship w/ porn. It bothers me to know that it may be odd given my circumstances that I view this and don't have a problem w/ it.

[hamster-bamster]

I have no idea why people make a big deal out of it. Seems like a problem made out of nothing. I have enough real problems, thank you.