just something on my mind.

Okay so this is kind of awkward to talk about but it's been bothering me lately so I wanted to talk about it.

I am 20 years old and still a virgin. I made the decision on my own to abstain from sex (I have many reasons, none of which are religious) I am a virgin because I chose to be for the time being. But I still am somewhat embarrassed to admit it to people. I feel as though I am the only virgin in my college and that people judge me because of it. The only other girls I know who are virgins are strong religious people who are waiting for marriage. I have done really everything else, just not actual sex and I wonder if maybe I'm waiting for no reason.

lately I just really want to go ahead and just do it, But a big thing is I worry sex will become another coping mechanism for me. In the past year I've started hooking up with guys way more often that I used to. and by that I mean I really used to only hook up with guys I was dating and that is definitely not the case now. What's been happening so far is I hook up with a guy a couple times but when he finds out I won't sleep with him he just ends things there, or wants to sleep with someone else but still do things with me, which I am not in to. It's hard to explain but it's like sometimes I feel so invisible, I feel like I'm disappearing but when I'm kissing someone or touching someone it's like I'm not invisible because it's like so much contact with another person, it's like another person really noticing me, it makes me feel real, it's hard to explain. and I have some major issues with my body but like if a guy likes my body and notices it in a good way it makes me feel good and I want that. So I'm worried if I have sex it'll be the same thing you know? like I'll just keep doing it just to help me cope with my feelings and it'll stop meaning anything and it'll end up just hurting me.

Also I feel like after 20 years I've waited too long to just do it with anyone. I don't know, I'm confused, I'm almost worried to even post this because I worry people will think I'm stupid for being a 20 year old who has never had sex.

First off, it is not wrong to still be a virgin and it isn't stupid at all. But what you have said about yourself is true, you are using sexual attention for the wrong reasons. Sex is meant to be special and it isn't fair to yourself to have sex just to have it. If you don't want it then don't have it. You don't need to overcomplicated that. It sounds like you need to work on dealing with your use of sex as a crutch. This may require a lot of effort and could take a long time but it will be worth it. You may wish to seek professional help to deal with things. I wish you the best of luck and I hope this helped.

First, I don't want you to feel alone. I'm 22 (23 in a week) and I only lost my virginity a few months ago. My sister is 26 and is still a virgin. My best friend here at school is 21 and also still a virgin. You are not alone in the whole virginity business. It doesn't make you weird, or anything. And while I was still a virgin, I had many people tell me "wow, that's awesome that you're still a virgin! Way to go!" Say it with confidence, don't let anyone bring you down, and be proud of the decision you have made. Oh, and you can never wait too long. You wait until you feel that it is the right time for you.

Also, I completely understand how being touched and in the moment makes you feel alive, like a person, like someone is noticing your existence on earth. It's completely understandable, and I think I feel the same way. I also understand just wanting to get it over with, not make such a big deal, etc. I'm sorry I don't have any advice on your fears of it turning into a coping mechanism, I wish I did. Perhaps, that is your mind's way of telling you you're not ready to just lose it to anyone -- but instead, keep up with your decision on waiting until you find the right person/right time.

I mostly just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Don't be so hard on yourself for making a decision that felt right to you.

Best wishes,
Ro

Your virginity is yours, special and a one time deal..so if you make that choice to give it up..be darn sure you wont have any regrets after! there's nothing wrong with abstaining..in fact in today's world that's incredibly admirable and you should take pride in that..nobody would rightfully judge such a positive decision in a negative way..

I am a guy so no need to listen to me, but I would avoid the hook-ups. If you are afraid of this whole business the only way out of it is to be meet a guy that wants to be with and be friends with you and encourage you to understand him, and you to encourage him to understand you. If it is the other way than you will most likely regret it. Meet someone in a postive way and stay with that positivisim until it reaches that point of severe intimacy because it will be a memory that won't go away all to quick and wouldn't it be better to have it with someone that you trust.

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I beleive in you. I didn't lose my virgininty until I was 26. To tell you the honest to God truth, when you have sex for the first time you don't lose anything. People and God will still call you a virgin after you've had sex many times. God and people are cruel. I believe in you. Peace, Allen

I commend you for being who you are and believing in yourself enough to wait till you feel comfortable for the first time. You are not alone in being a virgin. There are quite a few others out there that want it to be special and lasting. Never allow peer pressure to steer you away from being true to yourself. Never feel that you need to do anything that you are not ready for.

Look for that one special person that understands that until you feel completely safe with, nothing will be happening other than maybe cuddling or holding hands. Humans crave touch and it has to be something that you feel comfortable with. Sex is the ultimate closeness and touching so therefore it needs to be with someone that will give you the emotional stability in life.