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#1
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I'd just like to introduce myself, and share my anger with labels. I'm a 22 year old woman and the closest thing I have found to describe my sexuality is a 4 on the Kinsley Scale. I'm not straight although I am married to a man and only want to be with him, I would never cheat on him, not even with a woman. I'm not considered gay, since I do love my husband and feel attracted to him. However, I'm not bi, because I very much prefer woman. I am only attracted to a select few of men. And I can not feel sexually attracted to a man, unless I am truly and deeply in love with him. I'm not confused at all about my sexuality. It's other people that are. And it angers me when other people try to label me with terms are totally inaccurate. Some people may call me bi, because I am with a man, but I am attracted to women. Some may call me straight, or no longer gay, because I am married to a man. I was born like this. I will always be attracted to women, whether I'm with a man or not, it doesn't matter. What you do relationship wise with your partner, does not change who you are as a person. People do not know my feelings or thoughts, they have no right to label me. I just love my husband for his mind, heart, and soul first, not his anatomy.
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"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa ![]() "Respect is love in plain clothes” -Frankie Byrne “Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” - Elie Wiesel “Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” - Elie Wiesel "And even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up, Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier, ooooo child things are gonna get brighter" - Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur |
#2
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Hi,
I think that was very well put. I feel that for my self, I am bisexual, yet I lean more towards males than females. Though I have been in love and a monogamous relationship with both a male and a female, (not at the same time). I praise you on your marriage and your faithfulness to your husband. It is great to hear as far as I am concerned as you are in love and love conquers all. I have a big problem when it comes to bisexual's who get married, then go behind there spouses back and cheat on them with the same or opposite sex. cheating is cheating. I feel like if a man or woman is bi and can not commit to a monogamous relationship ie: marriage, then they have no business getting married if they can not control their acting out on there attractions to the same sex. That is just how I feel about it and I call my self gay and bi but really I am not in a relationship with either sex, not in love and not active so I am not either. I too feel because of the 'traditional' labels, that too many people stereotype that as being a 'set in stone' way of living. Peace and Hope to you --kk101
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![]() If you think you have totally givin' up- you haven't, because you are here!
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![]() AShadow721
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#3
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it is so good though that you KNOW and UNDERSTAND and are not confused by your sexuality. i know a lot of people are uncomfortable by not being able to understand themselves. but, like what krzyk said, your post was veryyy well put.
it must be so unbelievably frustrating when people say things about you when they have NO idea what they are talking about. i hate that... people are judgmental and questioning just because they don't understand something or someone. and i really like your last sentence. very profound and i really felt it.
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MCLEAN HOSPITAL ALUMN!! www.mylifeintreatment.com there is a LOT of personal information on there from my current hospitalization and it may not be for everyone, but it's a good read! please PM me anytime, day or night... i am always awake and wanting to talk!! We'd never know what's wrong without the pain Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same |
![]() AShadow721
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#4
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From what I understand you would fit in the "bi-sexual" realm due to the fact that while you are indeed married to a man you still find both sexes attractive and sexually appealing to your physical libido... you just haven't acted upon these feelings.
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#5
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Considering men, I really do only find my husband attractive and "sexually appealing to my physical libido". I could not even have impure thoughts about another man. I just think that some men who look similar to my husband are attractive.
Considering women, I was in several relationships with women before I got married. But no, I do not act on those feelings now. It doesn't mean I'm any less gay or bi, or whatever anyone would like to call it. Is a sexually inactive heterosexual (just needed an example), any less straight? No, that's why it angers me when people say I'm straight, or no longer gay, or I just went through a phase, or on the other hand, I am lying to myself and will eventually divorced my husband to be with a women. I may technically be in the bisexual "realm", but I do not fit the definition of bisexual and therefore, I can't use that label. Although, I love a man, I am much more attracted to women.
__________________
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa ![]() "Respect is love in plain clothes” -Frankie Byrne “Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” - Elie Wiesel “Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” - Elie Wiesel "And even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up, Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier, ooooo child things are gonna get brighter" - Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur |
![]() krzyk101
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#6
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I think the issue you are having with sexual labels applies to all of life's beautiful word boxes. Words are our best means of communication, but they still don't come as close as we need them to. They're just words. Sounds that we make or write down to TRY and communicate something essentially non-verbal, and for the most part far more complex than we could ever manage to express, despite our best efforts. I have this issue with everything in my life, our society, this world full of boxes and paradigms that I find frequently infuriating. For example, I have been given no less than 5 different "official" diagnoses over the past decade, and I don't think a single one of them, or all of them combined, comes close to encompassing who it is that I am or what it is that I experience.
I'm also a woman, married and madly in love with a man, who has had sexual relationships with both men and women, and would choose the word bisexual as the closest and most fitting label from the lot... however. It's not what I am. It's just a word that helps other people to understand me in a certain context. (I believe that all souls are complete on the spiritual plane, and that although we manifest into one of two sexes in life, that doesn't mean that we either ARE male or ARE female either. Maybe at the moment that's the best label to put on this current human experience. But I am much, much greater than JUST a human woman.) The trick I've found, is never to take any of them (words) too seriously. Misuse them intentionally sometime, or choose one and say it or write it repeatedly until it starts to looks like alien gibberish. Then you realize how truly empty they are without the energy and emotion that we give them ourselves. But, I'm also a poet. I LOVE words, I think they're tasty. =) Ah, the beauty of the human contradiction. =) You are who you are. It is what it is. djfnirnvruynvtunutrnoirtni, etc. |
![]() AShadow721
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#7
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Well don't worry about it then. I don't have people coming in and asking me if I am gay, or if I thought a woman was attractive or what scale I am on. I never took a test. I knew from an early age like 7 that I was gay, yes that is young to know but in retrospect that is about the time I found out or acted on those feelings. I didn't come out until I was 17, but I wish I hadn't because I would prefer the ambiguity, than people thinking I am somehow perverted in this conservative town. I don't deal with it that often and with my therpist, I am still trying to figure him out as he is trying to figure me out. I have a boyfriend/roommate of six years and I have heard a lot of mean things about our relationship. Not enough boundaries, living in the past, in childhood, not reaching maturity and so on. I don't care anymore, he loves me and he is closer to me than any of the other people so they can get out of my life, if I ignore them long enough.
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![]() AShadow721
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#8
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Who needs labels!! The only reason that some one needs to have their sexuality labelled is for personal or politcal reasons in my opinion. Don't pay attention to others pronoucements on what they believe your sexual orientation is.
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![]() AShadow721
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#9
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Loveregardless: Thank you. You are a poet, those were beautiful words. I believe the same thing; what you said about the human soul. I did fall in love with my husband's soul, which is neither male nor female. And you are right they are just words that can't explain what we feel perfectly. However, we do need them to communicate.
Grithnir: Congratulations on your relationship! =) I don't think that 7 is a young age to know you are gay. I realized after I realized I had homosexual feelings when I was 13 (when I learned what they were), that I had crushes on a few of my girl friends as early as 8 years old. Then I realized I didn't find any of these male celebrities attractive that all the girls my age were having major crushes over, but I liked the female celebrities. I came out when I was 14, only because my mother read something I had wrote, that was supposed to be private. Then my whole family found out. My mom went to my ex-girlfriend's apartment, cursed her out, and told her she was ruining my life. Then her mother came outside. That's when my ex-girlfriend had to come out to her family. My mother eventually put me in a psychiatric hospital because of it and forbid me to see my then girlfriend, although I did anyway. Obviously, my family didn't take it very well, and that caused me a lot of problems. But my ex-girlfriend is still my best friend to this day. Ironically now, my mother doesn't like my husband at all, she won't even talk to him. However, anyway my husband came to into my life at a time I needed him and he needed me even more. He asked me out thousands of times. I kept saying no at the beginning not only because months before I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, but also because I wanted the next one to be the one I would spend my life with and I wanted that to be a woman. However, since I was friends with him for over a year before, I knew him as a person. I loved him so much then as my friend, and I realized the physical didn't matter as much. I loved his soul, I couldn't turn him away just because he was a man. After all, we're only in these physical bodies for so long.
__________________
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa ![]() "Respect is love in plain clothes” -Frankie Byrne “Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” - Elie Wiesel “Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” - Elie Wiesel "And even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up, Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier, ooooo child things are gonna get brighter" - Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur |
![]() Grithnir, loveregardless
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#10
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I don't understand what is wrong with parents. If I had children I would only be concerned about my children if their spouses were treating them badly. I wouldn't say that he doesn't fit my judgment scale and therefore I can talk to neither. It is strange. My mother has a soft spot in her to help me with my boyfriend when he has appointments I can't take him to. I am lucky that she has a kind heart.
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![]() AShadow721
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#11
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You are very lucky to have such a great and sweet mother. I'm not sure why my mother was so disapproving of all my relationships and now my marriage. She talks to my sister's boyfriend who is 16 years older than her, only 9 years younger than my mother. He is a great guy, I just thought it was really weird at first. She's so great accept for these few things that really hurt me. I just wish she could accept me and my husband.
__________________
"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." -Mother Teresa ![]() "Respect is love in plain clothes” -Frankie Byrne “Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to his creatures; peace is our gift to each other.” - Elie Wiesel “Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings.” - Elie Wiesel "And even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up, Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier, ooooo child things are gonna get brighter" - Keep Ya Head Up by Tupac Shakur |
#12
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Huh. I'm pretty much the same as you. Interesting. Didn't expect to be finding anyone who put it so well.
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![]() AShadow721
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