I don't know who to talk to about this (TMI?)

Hi everybody,
It's about masturbation, I'll say that right now in case that makes anyone uncomfortable. I just feel really guilty about doing it. When I do, all I can think about is my mother and what would happen if she knew. I feel like she knows somehow. I've been doing it since I was 12, and I'm 16 now. I know it's not something to be ashamed of, but I just can't get comfortable with doing it and talking about it. My parents and I were never very open when I was younger and we still aren't. When I was 10 and started my period I asked my mom not to tell dad. I'm very interested in sex as a lot of teenagers are, I just am not comfortable discussing it with other people. And about my thing with masturbation, that I don't know who to talk about to. Certainly not my parents, and not T either because that's just weird That's why I really like this forum even though I'm only now looking at it for the first time - everything is so open and safe to talk about. Thanks for any help, I really appreciate it. x

She may or may not ever want to tell you what she did (or thought about) when she was your age. Still, do you suppose that could be how she "knows"? Or if you're sure it's not, how are you sure?

Kudos to you for going ahead and starting this thread, Indie. I noticed you seemed to be hesitating a little earlier.

Thanks Fool I can't be sure that she's never "done anything"...honestly I try not to think about it too much. Just like imagining my parents having sex, some things are best left to the imagination. I do wonder if she wants or has wanted to bring this up, but I know there's no way my wussy self would bring it up I need to grow a pair and at least talk to T about it - you were right in what you said in the other thread. I'll approach the subject lightly to begin with.

I'm glad you don't feel ashamed about it Indie and I understand how you don't feel comfortable talking to your mom. Did she educate you about sex? I think you could talk about it with your therapist if you're comfortable or if you have a cool aunt who you trust or a friends mom who's open.

Regarding menstruation you can post in the Women's Forum and we could help you with that or any other issues. This forum is also great for young people who need questions answered. I know what it felt like to be clueless when I was younger and didn't want my own girls to feel this way. We are sexual beings and that's okay.

I understand the hesitation to discuss things such as masturbation with a T, I know I never had the gall to do such, but I think you should, looking back now I wish I had.

I understand, sometimes it's hard to feel comfortable, but it is your body, and what you are doing is not wrong, no matter what your mom might say if she knew. It is a perfectly normal thing to do. I don't know if that helps any, but sometimes it helps to hear something like that from someone else.

As for if your uncomfortable talking about sex with your parents, and feel the need to know more, there are many books out there geared towards your age group with information and can answer questions on the manner. It wouldn't hurt to look on amazon.com or other book sites for them.

Feel free to pm me anytime about anything.

Best Wishes
Typo

Hello Indie, I wasn't very open with my parents either. Like you we just didn't talk about it. My parents are very closed minded when it comes to stuff like this. I like these forums too because I too feel free to discuss my issues regarding sexuality.

I started masturbating when I was 10... felt what an orgasm was like and loved it ever since. But yes I use to feel guilty about it... like I felt wierd that I did it... felt like I wasn't normal... still have feelings ragarding this.

But yes keep posting here. I'm glad you feel comfortable here, that's what this place is here for.

Thank you very much Regarding an orgasm, I still don't know exactly what it feels like, but I think I've come close. Is that too much information?

Nowhere close to too much for me, but anyone else will have to speak for themselves.

Thanks. I don't see why anyone would think it was too much - the forum description itself says it's for "frank and open discussion". If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen

Exactly! yeah hon you're fine. In fact I like the details... it helps wth understanding the person better.

your fine hun! Like you said this forum is for frank and open discussion, if you never say anything or never ask, you'll never learn!

Thanks!

Yep.

I am in the process myself of finding nonjudgemental folks to talk to about my s*x*al issues.

Billi

Indie-

The first (and only) time I talked about masturbation with my T it was really scary. I don't know how we got to the topic. But she was really supportive and was totally more comfortable talking about it than I was. And she was really supportive and didn't leave me feeling like a freak. And said we could talk about it whenever I wanted, not that I took her up on that offer. Something I try to remember in T is that there is nothing I can say that they have not heard before.

I could never image talking about masturbation with my mom (I can talk to her about sex, but for some reason not masturbation.

I have found it easier to discuss that with a good friend of mine, who is like a sister to me, I don't feel the anxiety from discussing it with someone that is an authority type figure, and it is easier to discuss it with someone on my own peer group.

Maybe you have a close friend you could discuss it with?

Thanks you guys The problem is that I don't really have any close friends, and the ones I do have wouldn't treat this as a serious matter - they would joke around with it like most people our age do. I'll approach the topic (lightly at first!) with T and see how she responds.

If you have any questions you could try asking them here or in the women's forum - if you're comfortable of course.

Lynn P has a great idea, or you can PM one of us if you are more comfterable with that. I will try my best to answer any questions you may have.

(((((((((((((Indie)))))))))))))))

Thank you ladies

Dear Megan,

You may put your mind at ease. Your mother may not know you masturbate per se. Yet, given your age, I'm confident she surmises you do. Since, it is a perfectly natural, normal act, most everyone engages in.

It is also perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable discussing masturbation, particularly with ones parents. Since it has been made a moral wrong in the past, and still is considered wrong by some religions.

In regard to questions or issues, you may have regarding masturbation, I think you will find it relatively comfortable to post them here. Ultimately, it would be good to discuss them with your therapist. Talking about the subject in person, will make you more comfortable with it.

I wish you the best,

Larry

Ahh! I brought this up in T today...let's just say it was very awkward. I just don't know - it's so hard for me to talk about seriously with anybody face-to-face. With my friends it wouldn't be so hard because we're the same age, but they joke around with it and I want to be serious about it. Oh god, I don't know if T and I will be having THIS conversation again..

Thank you for the support though everybody. It is soooo much easier to talk about it on here than in real life.

((((((((((Indie))))))))))

Where was the awkwardness? Was it awkward for you to find what you wanted to say? For you to actually say it? Did your T seem to have any difficulty with it? Were you too preoccupied to notice if she did or not?

Hi Fool,
The awkwardness was just in saying what I wanted to say...she appeared to not have any problem with it, so I'm not sure why it seems weird to me. I think I'm just skittish about taking about it face to face.

I understand what you are saying Indie, it can be awkward to discuss things with T, I saw my T for a short session this monday and it was really hard for me to tell her I was bisexual, it felt uncomfterable and I feared she would be judging me. but she didn't even react at all the way she thought I would and it was a relief to me. (I was expecting her to throw rocks at me or something)

I would say progress with T as you feel comfortable, but sometimes the only way to become comfortable with something is to waddle through some of the discomfort first. It is awkward to have those discussions, I use to dread asking my mom questions I would have about sex or female issues, it was awkward and uncomfortable, but the more I did it the less nerve wrecking it became and the easier it became overall for me to discuss sex or masturbation or any related topics.

((((((((((((((Indie))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you Typo...yes that's what I was thinking as T and I were talking yesterday. It's just one of those things that I'm only going to become more comfortable with by just sucking it up and talking about it. The face-to-face vs anonymity on the internet is still a problem for me but I think that's normal.