Will I have ever have a boyfriend? Everyone in my college class has a boyfriend. They're so pretty but I don't have anyone. I'm so ugly. I'm always used and lied to. I'm crying as I type this. Maybe I should try to learn to love myself or sort my out when I'm single. Does anyone have advice??

[trixielou]

im gonna think & pray about this tonight cuz rite now im not so inspired in this area btw in my college years i was the exact same way if it means anything i would have sex buddies a guy who wanted somethin to do with me & would be good to me i would push away almost like i felt i didnt deserve to have anything more than to be used. im a little older almost 37 & have been thru an abusive 12 year marriage im still trying to get out of WOW u really got me to thinkin bout why i cant have divorce like yesterday. tired & will go read Bible some more as when i commune with God he speaks & says thats exactly why im not givin ya this or that rite rite now just be kind & easy with yourself cuz i can relate to a lot of stuff u say. will have more to say tomorrow

Originally Posted by trixielou

im gonna think & pray about this tonight cuz rite now im not so inspired in this area btw in my college years i was the exact same way if it means anything i would have sex buddies a guy who wanted somethin to do with me & would be good to me i would push away almost like i felt i didnt deserve to have anything more than to be used. im a little older almost 37 & have been thru an abusive 12 year marriage im still trying to get out of WOW u really got me to thinkin bout why i cant have divorce like yesterday. tired & will go read Bible some more as when i commune with God he speaks & says thats exactly why im not givin ya this or that rite rite now just be kind & easy with yourself cuz i can relate to a lot of stuff u say. will have more to say tomorrow

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a abusive marriage. I hope things get better.

[Puffyprue]

Every women are beautiful, including you
all beauty women (in superficial ways) put alot of make up and you can do the same but whats matter is your beauty inside

Originally Posted by puffyprue

Every women are beautiful, including you
all beauty women (in superficial ways) put alot of make up and you can do the same but whats matter is your beauty inside

Thank you for your kind words. So you're trying to say that I need to put loads of make up on and look like a slut? That I need make up to get a boyfriend. I wear no make up. Thanks for trying to make me feel happy.. Not ¬_¬

[Puffyprue]

i didnt meant it that way but usually they wear make up,
and i did said whats matter is your inner beauty ....i never said that you have to use tons of make up and its not fair to judged people just because they wear a lot of make up as sluts probably they have problem with their skins and ect
make up can enhance your beauty

iam sorry if its not help ....never intended to make you feel worst ..my bad iam sorry

Originally Posted by puffyprue

i didnt meant it that way but usually they wear make up,
and i did said whats matter is your inner beauty ....i never said that you have to use tons of make up and its not fair to judged people just because they wear a lot of make up as sluts probably they have problem with their skins and ect
make up can enhance your beauty

iam sorry if its not help ....never intended to make you feel worst ..my bad iam sorry

Yeah it's okay don't worry.

[thine_self_untrue]

Love finds you when your not looking, hun. Be patient and wait for it instead of throwing yourself out there. You are worth so, so, so much more.

Originally Posted by thine_self_untrue

Love finds you when your not looking, hun. Be patient and wait for it instead of throwing yourself out there. You are worth so, so, so much more.

Thanks for your advice.

Every single girl in your class has a boyfriend?

What do you study and why do you want a boyfriend?

Thanks?

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Every single girl in your class has a boyfriend?

What do you study and why do you want a boyfriend?

Thanks?

Well half of the class have one and they have loads of make up on. I would like a boyfriend because I want to be loved and I like being loved. What did you mean by thanks?

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Well half of the class have one and they have loads of make up on.

Hmmm . . . why is it important that they have loads of make up on? Would you like to wear more makeup but can't?

I would like a boyfriend because I want to be loved and I like being loved.

That's pretty much the reason I would give too.

What did you mean by thanks?

Nothing, just a way to end a post?

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Hmmm . . . why is it important that they have loads of make up on? Would you like to wear more makeup but can't?


That's pretty much the reason I would give too.


Nothing, just a way to end a post?

Ohh I thought you was asking something because you put a question mark

[Evening]

If someone is going to like you because you have a crap load of make up on is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Would you rather be with someone because they like you for your looks or because they like you as a person? They should be looking for the beauty in YOU, not for beauty in general.
I can't get a boyfriend with or without make-up on, so make-up isn't going to be the guarantee to finding someone. I have seen your posts on here and you do appear to be overly sensitive to people's comments, that may have some part in the situation. I don't mean that to sound nasty, but I think it would help you a lot to learn over time not to take things the wrong way, i.e. if someone says that you can put make up on if you want but you as a person is more important, they are not telling you that if you make yourself look like a slut you'll get a boyfriend. They are saying that fake beauty may find you someone, but you'll only find a genuine guy if you are are beautiful on the inside.
Building your confidence will help you a lot in finding what you are looking for. If you feel you may be more confident wearing make up, then try it, I NEVER used to wear make-up, now I wear it all the time. I even put make-up on just because I'm sitting at home bored. I am not telling you that if you put make up on it will solve everything, but it might boost your confidence a bit.
Do you try talking to any guys? Have you ever attempted to get to know someone you like?

Originally Posted by Evening

If someone is going to like you because you have a crap load of make up on is not someone you want to be in a relationship with. Would you rather be with someone because they like you for your looks or because they like you as a person? They should be looking for the beauty in YOU, not for beauty in general.
I can't get a boyfriend with or without make-up on, so make-up isn't going to be the guarantee to finding someone. I have seen your posts on here and you do appear to be overly sensitive to people's comments, that may have some part in the situation. I don't mean that to sound nasty, but I think it would help you a lot to learn over time not to take things the wrong way, i.e. if someone says that you can put make up on if you want but you as a person is more important, they are not telling you that if you make yourself look like a slut you'll get a boyfriend. They are saying that fake beauty may find you someone, but you'll only find a genuine guy if you are are beautiful on the inside.
Building your confidence will help you a lot in finding what you are looking for. If you feel you may be more confident wearing make up, then try it, I NEVER used to wear make-up, now I wear it all the time. I even put make-up on just because I'm sitting at home bored. I am not telling you that if you put make up on it will solve everything, but it might boost your confidence a bit.
Do you try talking to any guys? Have you ever attempted to get to know someone you like?

Yeah Thanks for the reply. I don't go out to chat to men because I don't. I'm shy and I can't make a conversation properly.

[vertebrae]

happycheeks ...

First off, don't come down too negatively upon yourself because you currently do not have a boyfriend like other young women you attend college with. To do so is only adds to lowering your self-esteem. You don't need to have that added burden of beating yourself up added upon your shoulders at the moment. OK?

What counts, is that you need to learn to love and accept yourself as you are (and for what you hope / aspire to be). You have to remain true to yourself. In doing so, your self confidence will increase over time and you'll radiate that confidence to others around you. People tend to behave like the proverbial moth. They gather towards light rather than darkness.

Think of how you may feel by being around someone who is always either down in the dumps or complaining about this or that or whatever. Most likely, out of kindness or pity for the person, you'll be able to tolerate it for awhile, but then it becomes a bit of a drag upon you. You move on from the person. Hence they in essence "pushed you away" by their lack of self esteem / self confidence / negative nature.

People who are optimistic (rather than pessimistic) in their daily lives tend to radiate confidence and surety about how they relate to the world and it relates to them. As I mentioned above, people gravitate towards them as a result. Granted, they may not all look like they fell out of the latest issue of Cosmopolitan or GQ magazines (which does help if you are blessed with "good looks"), but then again, most of us don't. In time, looks fade. What remains within is what ultimately counts.

Don't belittle yourself or push yourself into potential situations whereby you'll wind up compromising your beliefs or moral standards. To do so will only cause you grief in the long run.

Work on caring for yourself, and in due time others will come to you or you to them. We usually find others who acquire a meaning or fondness to us by becoming active in an area which we find interest in or derive enjoyment from. Like interests tend to share like similarities. You won't find that in a bar. You won't find that in a nightclub. Most likely, you'll find it in what YOU enjoy doing ... hopefully with a possibility of engaging others in the process.

Stay true to yourself. Dont' give up. Improve YOU before you can improve others. Don't rush things or compare yourself to others.

Take care,

vertebrae

Originally Posted by vertebrae

happycheeks ...

First off, don't come down too negatively upon yourself because you currently do not have a boyfriend like other young women you attend college with. To do so is only adds to lowering your self-esteem. You don't need to have that added burden of beating yourself up added upon your shoulders at the moment. OK?

What counts, is that you need to learn to love and accept yourself as you are (and for what you hope / aspire to be). You have to remain true to yourself. In doing so, your self confidence will increase over time and you'll radiate that confidence to others around you. People tend to behave like the proverbial moth. They gather towards light rather than darkness.

Think of how you may feel by being around someone who is always either down in the dumps or complaining about this or that or whatever. Most likely, out of kindness or pity for the person, you'll be able to tolerate it for awhile, but then it becomes a bit of a drag upon you. You move on from the person. Hence they in essence "pushed you away" by their lack of self esteem / self confidence / negative nature.

People who are optimistic (rather than pessimistic) in their daily lives tend to radiate confidence and surety about how they relate to the world and it relates to them. As I mentioned above, people gravitate towards them as a result. Granted, they may not all look like they fell out of the latest issue of Cosmopolitan or GQ magazines (which does help if you are blessed with "good looks"), but then again, most of us don't. In time, looks fade. What remains within is what ultimately counts.

Don't belittle yourself or push yourself into potential situations whereby you'll wind up compromising your beliefs or moral standards. To do so will only cause you grief in the long run.

Work on caring for yourself, and in due time others will come to you or you to them. We usually find others who acquire a meaning or fondness to us by becoming active in an area which we find interest in or derive enjoyment from. Like interests tend to share like similarities. You won't find that in a bar. You won't find that in a nightclub. Most likely, you'll find it in what YOU enjoy doing ... hopefully with a possibility of engaging others in the process.

Stay true to yourself. Dont' give up. Improve YOU before you can improve others. Don't rush things or compare yourself to others.

Take care,

vertebrae

Thank you for your advice I understand what you're trying to say. My hobbies are photography, playing the guitar and learning languages... how would I find love through them? Oh well I'm not going to make myself upset just because I don't have a boyfriend. Being single is alright I guess. There's freedom. I feel like other answers I've recieved seemed to be having a go at me.

[Evening]

Originally Posted by happycheeks

Thank you for your advice I understand what you're trying to say. My hobbies are photography, playing the guitar and learning languages... how would I find love through them? Oh well I'm not going to make myself upset just because I don't have a boyfriend. Being single is alright I guess. There's freedom. I feel like other answers I've recieved seemed to be having a go at me.

Don't push yourself into meeting people, confidence takes time to create, even learning FAKE confidence takes a long time. Finding someone to be with doesn't happen quickly either, and when we need to work on ourselves as a person because of whatever reason it can take longer. Hey I'm 23 and never even been on a date. I'm TERRIFIED of intimacy, and I have no trust for it either. I know and accept there are reasons for that, and I hate it. It's very embarrassing when people question me about it. I also don't find myself even remotely attractive, or appealing. I never believe people who tell me otherwise. I know that if I am ever to have a relationship I've got a lot of work to do first.
If you can do any courses or groups that involve your hobbies you might meet some people. Having a common interest in something is always a great conversation starter. If you meet someone who is keen on something you're keen on, say 'hey I do/love *insert convenient icebreaking hobbie/interest here* too!'. You could get a good conversation out of it and get to know someone.

And nobody is having a go at you, I think when someone is so harsh on themself that they interpret people's comments the way they weren't intended, it can be hard to know what to say so as to not upset, so people end up being rather blunt.

[vertebrae]

happycheeks ...

You wrote:

"Thank you for your advice I understand what you're trying to say. My hobbies are photography, playing the guitar and learning languages... how would I find love through them? Oh well I'm not going to make myself upset just because I don't have a boyfriend. Being single is alright I guess. There's freedom. I feel like other answers I've recieved seemed to be having a go at me."

I think that if you persue what you enjoy doing, and possibly do so in an atmosphere in which said hobby / interest / etc. can insert you into a group of other like minded individuals, then opportunities for expanding your circle of friends will grow accordingly.

As a result, you may find that one or more young men strike your fancy or you theirs. It serves not only to fulfil your interests (in doing something that you love), but to put you on the same "wavelength" as others who enjoy the same thing.

And as an added benefit, with that shared common ground, things tend to "click" more easily than let's say a young woman going out with an preconceived idea of "I've got to get a boyfriend" or a guy saying "I've got to meet a chick tonight". See what I am getting at? The common interests in something (hobby, side projects, social beliefs, etc.) are what serve as the so called "bonding material" which makes those potential relationships all the more appealing and sustainable.

All of the interests you listed above are GREAT ones to have and there are so many other people out there who share them in addition to yourself.

• Guitar players can be found in hip coffee shops / cafes, bookstores, public squares, etc.

• Photographers are everywhere. Photography clubs abound in all areas of society. Just have to narrow down a particular subject or style of photography you enjoy and search the Internet for clubs in your area that have developed a network or meeting schedule amongst themselves.

• Learning a language or the field of linguistics also is another great "ice breaker" of sorts. Learning a certain language with other people can be both a self confidence raising experience because the majority of other students who are learning the same thing most likely have the same level of proficiency as you do.

And that beginer level status allows each of you to make light of each others attempts at pronouncing words or using the proper grammatical structure for that language. That beginner-like status shared by everyone combined with the element of humour acts as a strong bond as well. If you can laugh at yourself as well as laugh along with others in the process, then that shows that you have the mettle to not take yourself too seriously and to be a good sport about it.

OK, gonna scoot here.

Take care and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,

vertebrae

Originally Posted by vertebrae

happycheeks ...

You wrote:

"Thank you for your advice I understand what you're trying to say. My hobbies are photography, playing the guitar and learning languages... how would I find love through them? Oh well I'm not going to make myself upset just because I don't have a boyfriend. Being single is alright I guess. There's freedom. I feel like other answers I've recieved seemed to be having a go at me."

I think that if you persue what you enjoy doing, and possibly do so in an atmosphere in which said hobby / interest / etc. can insert you into a group of other like minded individuals, then opportunities for expanding your circle of friends will grow accordingly.

As a result, you may find that one or more young men strike your fancy or you theirs. It serves not only to fulfil your interests (in doing something that you love), but to put you on the same "wavelength" as others who enjoy the same thing.

And as an added benefit, with that shared common ground, things tend to "click" more easily than let's say a young woman going out with an preconceived idea of "I've got to get a boyfriend" or a guy saying "I've got to meet a chick tonight". See what I am getting at? The common interests in something (hobby, side projects, social beliefs, etc.) are what serve as the so called "bonding material" which makes those potential relationships all the more appealing and sustainable.

All of the interests you listed above are GREAT ones to have and there are so many other people out there who share them in addition to yourself.

• Guitar players can be found in hip coffee shops / cafes, bookstores, public squares, etc.

• Photographers are everywhere. Photography clubs abound in all areas of society. Just have to narrow down a particular subject or style of photography you enjoy and search the Internet for clubs in your area that have developed a network or meeting schedule amongst themselves.

• Learning a language or the field of linguistics also is another great "ice breaker" of sorts. Learning a certain language with other people can be both a self confidence raising experience because the majority of other students who are learning the same thing most likely have the same level of proficiency as you do.

And that beginer level status allows each of you to make light of each others attempts at pronouncing words or using the proper grammatical structure for that language. That beginner-like status shared by everyone combined with the element of humour acts as a strong bond as well. If you can laugh at yourself as well as laugh along with others in the process, then that shows that you have the mettle to not take yourself too seriously and to be a good sport about it.

OK, gonna scoot here.

Take care and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF,

vertebrae

Thanks for your reply

[Sunna]

Hiya happycheeks

I think vertebrae said it very well. I sensed (or imagined) a bit of relucatance on your part, and I chuckled, because this whole thread you've been sooo like me. Down to the attitude re. makeup.

Just give it a try, I mean activities, not lipstick, unless that would seem like a fun thing to do too.

I don't know if it takes you as much effort to go out and do, as it does for me. But my interests are hiking and backpacking, so I signed up with Sierra Club because they have these group hikes. Been a member few years now, and I haven't pushed my butt out the door to actually GO on one... And then I feel sad 'cause I have no friends (I gave up on boyfriends). Can't make friends sitting at home all day. Learn on my mistakes, dear one.

[embracinglife]

I just want to say that probably not all the girls in your class or school have boyfriends. Usually when we're at your age we believe that most people are doing something (like drinking/partying, etc.) when really most people aren't. So maybe you think that everyone is dating someone, when really most people are not. I've had boyfriends before, but most of my college years I didn't.

Right now I'm not even looking for a boyfriend because I'm trying to focus on my goals first. Maybe you can think about goals that you want to achieve and push yourself to focus on those things. Most young guys aren't worth it anyways

Originally Posted by embracinglife

I just want to say that probably not all the girls in your class or school have boyfriends. Usually when we're at your age we believe that most people are doing something (like drinking/partying, etc.) when really most people aren't. So maybe you think that everyone is dating someone, when really most people are not. I've had boyfriends before, but most of my college years I didn't.

Right now I'm not even looking for a boyfriend because I'm trying to focus on my goals first. Maybe you can think about goals that you want to achieve and push yourself to focus on those things. Most young guys aren't worth it anyways

Thanks for your advice I understand what you're saying. Maybe I should concentrate on my college or whatever first. But I'm worried if I don't get a boyfriend, I won't be married or I'll be lonely.

[Xacatecas]

Just talk to us!

Guys cannot read minds, much as it would help in a relationship! I imagine there are more guys in same situation than there are girls from my experience.

It all has to start from talking, whether it is online or in person, and make it clear you are interested - theres nothing worse than talking to a girl and not getting any idea whether she likes you or not.

Originally Posted by Xacatecas

Just talk to us!

Guys cannot read minds, much as it would help in a relationship! I imagine there are more guys in same situation than there are girls from my experience.

It all has to start from talking, whether it is online or in person, and make it clear you are interested - theres nothing worse than talking to a girl and not getting any idea whether she likes you or not.

Thanks for your reply I have a little bit of trouble speaking and I muddle up my words. That might affect me getting someone.