[matt c]

Hi all,
Does anyone know of a safe natural way to reduce or get rid of your sex drive? Not that I believe mine was higher than average….just the usual incompatible partner situation.

Ive been with my girlfriend/partner for over 20 years and she’s never really been that interested (wouldn’t be with me if she was I suppose!).
Now I know its crass to bring things down to frequency, but just for examples sake…I would have been happy with sex once a week or so…while she only wanted it once a month or so (if I was lucky). I remember buying a 12 pack of condoms at the start of the year…and by the end of the year I still had some left! There was other issues, but Im trying to keep this short..

Over the years, and I hope without pressure (I guess she may feel different), I tried everything…romance…massages…asking if she had any fantasies…not bothering for a while etc etc. Neither of us have ever been unfaithful as far as I'm aware.

Then after all those years of frustration and receiving lots of loving and gentle rejections (but still rejections), I could take it no longer and gave up. I went to the doc and requested Prozac as I heard it killed your sex drive. And sweet bliss…it did. I wasn’t depressed anymore, and I couldn’t care less about sex anymore. What a relief!

But after two years on it, my doc advised I come off it, and its effectiveness would probably reduce anyway.

We haven't had sex for over a year now, but now I can feel my sex drive returning, and the old pangs of emptiness and depression with it.

So, apart form castration or lots of psychotherapy..are there any herbal alternatives to Prozac that get rid of your sex drive? (I guess if there was, the world would be full of women slipping it in their husbands tea!)

Just a thought.
Will have to try lots of meditation instead maybe.
Ho hum
MattC

[iamtwilight]

hello Matt. what great synchronicity, this is what i've been thinking of lately too. well, since this is not the spirituality forum, i will not get too much of that babble here but i do recommend meditation if it feels right to you.

what i'd like you to ask yourself is why do you feel the need to have sex? what are your thoughts based on when you want to have sex?

is it out of attraction towards your wife? something she does? external stimuli (pornography? something on the TV? the media is sooo sexualized nowadays, it's like they're trying to deliberately make us have sex rofl)?

as to your question, i don't know of a pill that's 100% safe and natural that would take away your sex drive - it's a natural thing after all and exists for a reason. since you have considered meditation, i would suggest studying chakras and finding out what sort of things balance the chakras that have to do with sexuality. also, it would be good if your wife did some of this studying and tried some of the things (ie. aromatherapy). also ask herself why does she not want to have sex?

it always takes 2 for tango.

i guess i infused some of the spirituality stuff here even though i tried to avoid it, sorry about that. my point was to get you to discuss this matter with your wife, after doing research and look at your sex life and your needs from a new point of view. there are answers for those who seek and often they are ones you find yourself.

good luck!

[matt c]

Thanks for the reply IamTwilight!

I try to ignore the sexualisation in the media - though thats imposssible!
Also - and I have to admit Im a coward here - I dont discuss this with my girlfriend as it really doesnt seem to matter to her at all. And perhaps Im scared of what her answer would be.
Why do I feel the want to have sex? Why do any of us? Thats, thats what id like not to feel. Thats what Im trying to avoid. Its just too depressing.
Maybe thats me being a coward again and just looking to cop out.
This shouldnt be a big deal really. But Ive always felt it was important somehow, but now I think sometimes we just have to learn to let things go, and accept things as they are.
Back to the meditation thing!
Thanks for the idea about looking into chakras.
Best Wishes,
MattC

[iamtwilight]

hey again Matt! i would definitely feel like a coward too if i was in your situation, hehe.

i agree it shouldn't be a big deal but i also believe that when sexual urges derive from love, they are healthy. (unlike some of the stuff that the media tries to feed us.) and you're not very far in thinking that it is somehow important - it is a great opportunity to bond with your partner.

it's also true that some people have absolutely no interest in sex - that's called asexuality i believe. still, if this is the case i'd definitely recommend talking about it. sorry, that's just how it is with us who don't know how to communicate telepathically

it would be soo much better to find that out first and then perhaps accept things as they are, rather than automatically assume something and live in some sort of discontentment for the rest of your life without really knowing why.

i hope meditation will help you find some of the things you are looking for, it can be a completely new experience if you haven't studied chakras before. best wishes to you too.

[cdkjbfwbr]

Matt C,
I am a female, but in the same situation as you are. I am married and my hubby doesn't want sex and hasn't for over 7 years. We've tried many things, but to no avail. I am on Zoloft and it took the sex drive away for many years, but the past two years it's become stronger. The past year is even worse. I began a new job and am attracted to the boss, so therein lies my problem I believe. He talks to me, listens to me and tells me things my hubby doesn't, like I'm pretty, etc.
I am a Christian and will remain faithful to my husband no matter what, even if I have to change jobs. But I too, would love to find a way to get the sexual urges to stop. If hubby was willing, I could have and enjoy sex at least 2x's a day! Really!! I know that's hard to beleive, but I am a very loving, physical person to begin with and I love the connection we get with lovemaking. And 7 yrs is a long time!! ROFL!
Best wishes to you and your future.
BTW, what are your age's? How busy is your GF's life? I am 47, I work full time and have a home-based biz.
My best to you both!! Cat

[matt c]

Hi Cat (cdkjbfwbr)!
Thanks for your reply.

Sorry to here of your predicament! Ive read the posts on the SSRIs thread as well....it seems most people are looking to increase their sex drives! Why does it seem to be the way that we end up with partners we may love dearly, but are so incompatible with in other ways? Just another of lifes little challenges I suppose!

And I understand what you mean when you say how "I love the connection we get with lovemaking"....when some suggest masturbation, they just dont get it...its about the other person being excited in return...about the connection with another human being...its not just a physical thing. And when others say "sex is over rated", then I just feel 'AAARRRGGHHH!!!' keep your unhelpful, negative thoughts to yourself!

Oh well.

In answer to your question, we are both in our early forties, and my girlfriend works from home running an online business. We are both busy and otherwise life is okay. She seems pretty happy all things considered, and Im thankful about that.

Which makes me feel really selfish for worrying about this.

But it wont go away. It feels like when you are hungry, all you can think about is food and getting your next meal....but that meal never comes!! (yuk - thats self-pity now! I hate that!)

So, personally, I think this will just be the way it is. Ill ask to go back on the Prozac soon when this makes me too depressed again...or if I start resenting my partner again which is a horrible feeling.

My girlfiend did say she didnt like me being on the meds as I seemed distant, and like Id emotionally flatlined... But she cant have it both ways.

Good luck to you, and I hope you find some contentment.

Best Wishes
Matt

[cdkjbfwbr]

Matt,
Thanks for the sypathetic reply.
I know what you mean when you say others don't understand. It's not just about sex, the orgasms.. if it was anyone would do. It's the connection, somehow becoming one with the other person as you enjoy being together in a way that can't compare to anything else.
I've tried telling hubby this, and he says he agrees and understands, but he just doesn't feel the need for sex, he doesn't feel any sexual feelings for me or for anyone else.
I trust him and I know he is not cheating. He is retired, almost 52, and stays busy with volunteer work near where I work. He comes by for lunch with me, we talk and share things.
He has health problems that cause some of his problems. I do understand and all, but I can't help what my body wants.
I know what you mean when you say we love those that we aren't always compatible with in every area. Which is understandable and to be expected, but this is a "big" area to be mismatched in, wouldn't you agree.?
Maybe ask your dr about Zoloft instead of Prozac. You lose the sexual desire, but it doesn't make you emotionally distant. At least, that's the way it worked for me in the beginning.
Have you asked GF if there is something she would like to try that's different or some where she'd like to try that's different? Variety can help. Ask her to share her fantasies and you share yours, but remember, don't either of you be judgmental. Think about things before you say yes or no.
Will keep you in my prayers. Keep the communication line open, too!
LOL Thanks for the comfort of sharing!
Cat.

[Mystical Sadhu]

Hello Matt,

I hope all is well for your family in every realm of life. I empathize with your dilemma, stuck though faithful. There are myriad influences, active or nascient, in a continuously monogomous relationship, and myriad things we can do to affect enriching shared experiences and outcomes, many of which necessitate, usually, more intimate contact to prescribe, unique for each being.

Let me assist regarding controlling and optimizing sexual desire, some of which may be done by men and women, and some uniquely for males.

A key element for men is that when we stand to pee we also drain semen out of our body. Is standing to pee pleasureable, satisfying, beyond getting the piss out? One reason why it may feel good has to do with the journey, the path the urine takes through the penis. The eurethral path is surrounded by the prostate and ganglions of nerves there, giving pleasure from the urine passing along. After a few years of life we most all notice that the last urine to leave the body is thickest, as it is loaded with sediment. When we stand to pee, not all of the urine available for release is passed and this last urine contains the most sediment. Retained within the body, this sediment acts as an aggravant to our prostate and the pleasure ganglions surrounding it which contributes to excess stimulation.

Being a gland, the prostate affects how we feel in many ways, including personal certitude. The abbrasive influences of the unreleased sediment aggravating the area diminishes both our health, our disposition and our virility over time and may be conducive to urinary tract / potency retentive tension, negatively affecting our friend's turgor, especially over time if such practices continue.

Two immediate things a man can do, amony many, are to pee while sitting down, which will release far more urine each and every time. Next few times you go to the restroom to pee, do so standing up as you may usually do, releasing as much as you do in your usual manner, then turn around and sit, only to discover there's far more inside just waiting to go the rest of the way, and thick too. The second thing men can do, and women can do this also, is to pour cold water from the navel down each time using the rest room. And when concentrating the mind, eating, sleeping or otherwise enjoying life beautifully, use the restroom anyway, releasing all urine and pouring cold water from the navel down.

Doing these two things will also prevent the regular loss of semen every time you pee, which I guarantee you is happening every time you stand to pee.

Yogic exercise is excellent for approriating sexual dynamicity for and when desired, of particular capacity is Cow's head pose, known as Gomukhasana in Sanskrit. After pouring water from the navel down after peeing, and while wearing tight underwear, sit on the floor with legs extended fully out in front of you. Leaning back slightly, first lift the left leg up above the right leg while the inner thigh presses and lifts from the perinium upward into the right leg, then crossing the left thigh atop the right then and folding the forelegs under your butt till you are sitting on your heels. [Attempting to reach this position with the forelegs is important though not necessary. I can't currently get them there though I reach toward that position as best as I can]. You should feel the inner thigh crossing lifting from your perinium, your prostate as well as your genitals all on top your crossed thighs.

Next is to reach your arms behind your back, one above and one below. With your left leg on top of your right leg, your left arm should reach behind your back crosswise with your left hand reach upwards between your shoulderblades, while your right hand shoudl be reaching over your right shoulder downwards to capture the fingers of your left hand into a clinch, as shown below:

Image-search this: gomukhasana.gif
[I currently can't insert this image]

This should be done for 30 seconds four times on each side, alternating between each side consecutively.

Also, if you and/or your wife/girlfriend are taking any natural medicines, it will strengthen your bonds and fulfill the purposes of the one needing such proper natural medicine if both of you take the medicine, even if the partner does not personally need to take such medicine. Doing so greatly enhances the success of the needy partner's optimization and flourishes mutuality in your bonds, sparking richer intimacy.

Originally Posted by matt c

Hi all,
Does anyone know of a safe natural way to reduce or get rid of your sex drive? Not that I believe mine was higher than average….just the usual incompatible partner situation.

Ive been with my girlfriend/partner for over 20 years and she’s never really been that interested (wouldn’t be with me if she was I suppose!).
Now I know its crass to bring things down to frequency, but just for examples sake…I would have been happy with sex once a week or so…while she only wanted it once a month or so (if I was lucky). I remember buying a 12 pack of condoms at the start of the year…and by the end of the year I still had some left! There was other issues, but Im trying to keep this short..

Over the years, and I hope without pressure (I guess she may feel different), I tried everything…romance…massages…asking if she had any fantasies…not bothering for a while etc etc. Neither of us have ever been unfaithful as far as I'm aware.

Then after all those years of frustration and receiving lots of loving and gentle rejections (but still rejections), I could take it no longer and gave up. I went to the doc and requested Prozac as I heard it killed your sex drive. And sweet bliss…it did. I wasn’t depressed anymore, and I couldn’t care less about sex anymore. What a relief!

But after two years on it, my doc advised I come off it, and its effectiveness would probably reduce anyway.

We haven't had sex for over a year now, but now I can feel my sex drive returning, and the old pangs of emptiness and depression with it.

So, apart form castration or lots of psychotherapy..are there any herbal alternatives to Prozac that get rid of your sex drive? (I guess if there was, the world would be full of women slipping it in their husbands tea!)

Just a thought.
Will have to try lots of meditation instead maybe.
Ho hum
MattC