[sillyfish]

Hi all. This post might belong in the dissociative forum but because it involves transgenderism as well i wasn't sure and I'm just gonna post it here. forgive me for posting in the wrong area.

a couple of years ago i integrated my personalities and have been learning to accept who i am ever since. Unfortunately, who i am is a bisexual woman living in a mans body. A chubby, hairy balding mans body to boot

I thank God for all the help he's given me over the years. I feel that he wants me to live as a man, and he's helped me to deal and cope with the feeling of being trapped. It was at one point completely unbearable. It still isn't easy.

There are advantages to being who i am. I have an 'inside track' to both women and men. And I'm certainly unique.

But on the other hand, i feel like maybe i'm too unique

The biggest issue I have at the moment is that I feel like i'm ready to date again. But is that even possible?

What kind of woman would want to date a woman in a mans body who is also a christian? Twice in the past Ive ended up inadvertently dating women who were lesbians that hadn't admitted it to themselves yet. and of course, that's a dead end road for me.

To be honest it feels pretty hopeless. I've almost ready to accept a life of unwilling celibacy.

[miray]

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time just being yourself. The only thing I can think of is maybe you are looking for the wrong type of women. It seems to me you should be looking for women who are physically attracted to a man, but emotionally attracted to a highly sensitive "man". I think that widens your options a great deal. If you are looking for women who are physically attracted to other women, it isn't going to work for you. Best of luck to you sillyfish and keep us posted

[sillyfish]

Thanks for the reply miray, but its that exact thing that has gotten me in trouble a few times.

The women i've been with are usually women who claim to want to be with a man, but with a sensitive feminine man. and the last two times, they've turned out to be lesbians that didn't know they were lesbians twice in a row. so not cool. plus the last one raped me, which... is a whole other thing...

I can't date men, because that would go against my faith.
I can't date lesbians, because I can't live as a woman, because that would go against my faith.

That leaves me with what? Straight women who are so down on their own self esteem that they feel they dont deserve a complete man?

I know, thats harsh, im just really feeling un-wantable lately.

[ZydratePrincess]

Hey,
All i can say is i feel your pain and frustration on this whole topic sweetie...
i myself am struggling to begin my transition (MtF) but even so

i identify as a lesbian and i still prefer Females
my Grandmother is heavy on the Jesus bus and that makes it exceptionally hard for me... as she has often reffered to being Trans as " unnatural"
just wanted to say i feel for you.. and if you ever wanna chat i would be honored to have someone to talk to about their issues and also mine

<3 ZP

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sillyfish

That leaves me with what? Straight women who are so down on their own self esteem that they feel they dont deserve a complete man?

Now we're getting somewhere! If you could love YOURSELF, you might find your other relationships easier.

Learning to love myself was not easy. Even today, I'm not sure I'm completely there. I'm not even sure what it means! But I do feel a lot better and other people find me easier to live with.

If you decide you want to work on loving yourself, there are people (therapists) who can help you with it.

hey, sillyfish, it seems that you need to work on your self esteem issues. a good start might be losing some weight so that you feel better about yourself and can attract a wider range of partners.

there are also self acceptance issues. if your faith is working against you, well, (here in the US at least) no one is locked into the religion of their parents or friends. you are free to change to a faith that speaks to you and that will acknowedge who you are. a faith that will help you meet others who are accepting and open minded. an example would be the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC), Quakers, Evangelical Lutherans or Unitarian Universalists.

if you're really a woman inside then perhaps you should be dating men. gay men would fit you about right because, speaking from my own experience, they are really women inside their heads. there are lots of balding, hairy gay men like you! (I am one of them. There is a gay community of "bears" (big, hairy guys) and they are unpretentious and fun.) why don't you give it a try? you don't have to rush into gay sex; merely investigate and make friends and see if you are comfortable there and feel welcome.

[hanners]

Originally Posted by unhappyguy

if you're really a woman inside then perhaps you should be dating men. gay men would fit you about right because, speaking from my own experience, they are really women inside their heads. there are lots of balding, hairy gay men like you! (I am one of them. There is a gay community of "bears" (big, hairy guys) and they are unpretentious and fun.) why don't you give it a try? you don't have to rush into gay sex; merely investigate and make friends and see if you are comfortable there and feel welcome.

Ok, you were bang on up until this part. Sexual orientation and gender identity are two entirely different issues all together. Just because someone feels they are a woman inside doesn't mean they will be attracted to men. sillyfish seems pretty clear that they are interested in women only, and while I might encourage further exploration of their sexual interests, I would not immediately say 'go try things out with guys instead!' like you did.

FYI: the ratio of straight to LGB members of the trans community roughly reflects the same ratio in the population as a whole.

[missbelle]

Have you tried the Metropolitan Community Church, or a Unitarian Church? Even Unity is good. The have a church body of gays, lesbians, transgendered people etc. They are liberal, objective, and caring. I think if you wanted to start dating that you might find someone to date there. Just a thought!!

Thinking of you!!!