in person or via email?

I want to say two things to two guys and need to determine which method of delivery is better: in person or via email. I am very much into written speech, which is why I post so much, so for me as a general rule email is far easier, but given the subject matter that you will see in a second I am thinking that I might need to collect some courage and speak up in person.

1) The guy I am currently with and who prompted my inquiry into the safety of oral sex. So I have this unusual ability to experience spontaneous orgasms from mere thoughts about someone, with zero touching, and I have experienced a couple of those thinking about him. Not too many (alas!) but enough to report to him. I know this is unusual and he might have possibly never heard any woman say it to him, and I am sure he will be hugely pleased. The question is - by email or in person?

2) My old old lover Charles, a french guy who now lives in NYC permanently. Old in two ways - I met him in my early twenties and he is older than my parents. It was just on and off every time he visited America, which was not frequent. He was very much into me and said that sex with me was absolutely amazing, and I have no idea why he said that because I did not do anything special at all. I guess he just enjoyed the feel of my body making love to me. As for me, I particularly enjoyed the moment he entered me (we just had vaginal sex, nothing else), it was just spectacular. Everything else was just so-so, but that part was spectacular.

He moved to the States in 2008 and made frantic attempts to look me up, through common friends, LinkedIn, etc. I did not go along because I was married (I had a mutually monogamous marriage for 12 years).

Yesterday I decided to call him. I looked up his webpage at his university and left a VM on his machine. In the morning someone with a 718 phone number called me. 718 is Brooklyn so I knew who that was. He told me a number of things. That I was the nicest person in his life, that he is so sorry I did not finish the PhD program because I was so smart (do not know where this comes from - I struggled in grad school), that he LOVED me, not that it means anything now but he loved me back then. I was like wow, a casual affair and the L word! He said that he has a great life, he divorced his second wife, his children (3) are all grown, he has good relationships with all of them, he writes books, lectures, has a chair at a university, has two grandchildren back in France, no problems in life, and a special friend so he is locked in this way but he would love to see me over coffee or for dinner. He said that he keeps getting and declining invitations to speak at Stanford, but now that he knows that I live in the Bay Area, he will book the soonest possible lecture - probably in Feb or March. Upon learning that I have a temporary job, he asked when my contract ends and told me to send my resume his way ASAP so that he can start calling his friends about me (his field is distant from mine now so nothing will probably come out of that idea, but it is nice of him).

Back then, I believe that he had a gf in Paris because I remember his complaining that she was clingy. That did not preclude him from sleeping with me. So maybe something has changed and he has become truly as he says "locked" with his current friend and truly does not plan anything beyond dinner. As for me, I am fine either way - I can just have dinner or I can provide apres-dinner entertainment. It is entirely up to him.

But even if it is just a dinner or coffee, I still want to tell him how special sex with him was because he would be extremely pleased to hear that and he said nice things to me so I think I should reciprocate. The question is - in person or via email?

both are in person. also, don't leave a paper trail.

So I need to collect some courage, right? Thank you for such a swift response. I will do this - when I send the resume to Charles, I will mention that there is also something very special to tell him in person when he sees me. That should pique his curiosity.

I am done with (1), in person. He was amused and recalled coming while sitting in class in college. I asked to recall the girls in the classroom and he said that many girls excited him but there was one that excited him the most. He was too shy to tell her. I will ask him next time if he remembers her looks.

He said that my life must be very interesting being full of orgasms. He has not idea I had none for three and a half years and feared that it would be forever like that.

Will do (2) when he arrives. Now that I am done with (1), I am more confident about (2).

Thank you, Hankster, it was the right advice for me.

LMAO Hank. You sound like a professional. I wouldn't have thought of that but if Hank thinks so, he must know something we don't lol.

Hankster is a gal!

Well listen to Hank my friend, she sounds like she knows what's up!!! Either way, lol.

deny, deny, deny. even if you're caught in bed together, it's not what it seems.

Based on guy #2's words today, I would be greatly suprised if he does not have sex with me in the hotel at Stanford. Greatly surprised. I mean, I do not discount the possibility, but I assign it a low likelihood. He is now trying to get booked for a talk before I leave for Europe which is on Dec 24. I do not think it is logistically possible - usually such things are arranged well in advance. We'll see if he succeeds.

Well, since he is going to be in some sort of a hotel, I do not have to clean my apartment for him, which is good news. He is a clean freak and would have a heart attack upon entering my place.

Guy #1, on the other hand, invited me to his apartment which he shares with his adult daughter, who works for FB, and I was wildly happy to see that both his and her rooms are so messy, so messy that even my place is better in comparison which is saying a lot. And their kitchen table has even less clear space than mine. Now I would not get tense any more about inviting him over. What a relief.

The guy is coming on Dec 6th and will stay through the weekend, renting a hotel in my city and a car and will stay through the weekend. Says that he cannot sleep and that the closeness and intimacy that we shared was special. His French accent is unchanged (we speak English because my French is limited). We will see if he is inchanged in other regards. Offered to pay for my trip to New York instead but I'd rather have him come visit. This is because I am bipolar and do not do well with the jet lag, but I did not say that. I just said that I would come over to visit him later after I return from Europe, when there is a long weekend.

Hankster,

The French guy wrote incriminating emails. I did not but he did. Tell me how you think they might be dangerous. Ex cannot subpoena my whole inbox, can he?

I don't know. ask your lawyer? or some other legal aid? idk if it's like, if the lawyer KNOWS you're guilty of the murder, can he still defend you? all I know of law I learned from Matlock!

So I have sent snail mail. I just have to work with my limitations. I have a problem with erotic communication and these words would never leave my mouth. In writing, no problem. Oral speech, no way. Is there therapy for that? How many years does it take? I might not have enough money for this therapy, so it will be snail mail as a compromise. Snail mail so that there is no electronic record in case someone subpoenas my mail. I think it is an OK compromise between privacy and security on the one hand and my communication limitations on the other.

I had sent it before he hinted at ED. So he will receive it with a mixture of feelings, including sadness. That is OK. He really was outstanding with his weapon and I told him that. So I feel that I have done something good.