Need Some Insight Everyone

Well let me get started im bisexual and im in a relationship with a man and a woman they have been together for 9 years and ive been with them for almost 2 years im more into woman than i am men he is a great guy i do care about him but im deeply in love with her and she is with me and him he cares about me and i care about him but its so hard to show my true feelings toward her whn he is around so whn were alone we do some amazing things together hes a guy they r not romantic lol women r very romantic and soft and just wonderful men r not like tht lol there r times i wanna just walk away but ive fallin so hard for her tht i just cant walk away she is so amazing and wonderful tht i just deal with it and whn we have some alone time we go crazy on eachother there r times id like her to walk away from him but i kn she loves him and i will nvr ask her to chose thts an impossible decision to make him and i get along great but it seems to me tht our only connection is in the bedroom ive been with woman my whole life i nvr thought id b in a relationship with a man but it just happened i fell in love with her first and it just spirolled from there there r times i wna walk away cse we get on eachothers nerves lol but for some reason i just cant.... if anyone has any ideas or insight please help me im so confused rite now i just dnt kn wht to do anymore...
thank you in advance

Hmmm. Well, that's a new one to me. My gut response is if you know she would never leave him for you, then you would be better off in the long run with moving along and finding someone you won't have to share with somebody else.

Have you seriously talked to her about it, though? She might not love him as much as you think. Maybe she's with him mainly so it looks like she's hetero. At least you would know more where you stand if you bring the topic up to her when he's not around.....

I have talked to her about it and she loves him just as much as she love me so she will never leave him for me she wants the best of both worlds and she knows thts greedy lol but thts how she feels all 3 of us do fight very bad at times but we always seem to talk it out and work thru it and for a while everything is great again im just so torn cause ive fallin very hard for this woman and if i walk away im losing everything cause she will never walk away from him and he will never walk away from her i just have no idea what im gonna do anymore

I do not find her greedy. If anybody is greedy, it is you, because you want her all to yourself, which is a bit greedy, although, of course, completely normal and understandable, so I am not saying it by way of judging you.

It seems that the main problem lies in your spending too little time alone with her. You can express your true feelings towards her only when alone with her. His presence frustrates you, curtails your self expression, etc. Can you start spending considerable more alone time with her?

You also need friends and activities that would be completely separate from this menage a trois.

Good luck!

Look,

You are in love, which is great on its own.

The love is not unrequitted, which is even better.

You get to consummate the love, better yet.

So, lots of positives.

I see where your coming from and maybe i am a lil greedy lol but im so in love with her and do want her all to myself but i also knew coming into this relationship tht she had a man and i would have to share her but i never thought for one second id fall as hard for her as i did and its very hard to share the woman u love with someone else but i love her so much tht i just deal with it and her and i sneek away and talk about everything tht bothers us abt him and eachother her and i have a completely seperate relationship thn the 3 of us or her and him its hard to go to him abt things tht bother us cse hes a man lol and men dont see things the way woman do so her and i talk alot she loves him very much and i care alot abt him so we just deal with thigs and whn we can we get our feelings out and help eachother thru it the best we can

In addition to loving him, she might:

- plan to have children with him in the future (conceiving children via intercourse with a man is free vs doing that via artificial insemination from a donor in a woman-woman couple could easily run into thousands of dollars)

- again, plan to have children with him in the future (raising children in a man-woman family is easier in terms of being accepted by the society than doing so in a woman-woman family)

- enjoy his company out of habit and a sense of routine (she has been with him for 9 years and with you, only for 2 years)

- be financially dependent on him

Do you visit her/them or do you cohabit with them?

No kids he cant anymore they each have kids but not with eachother and i live with them

I see... so you live with both of them and some of their kids or have the kids all grown by now?

Do you sleep in one bed? What is everybody's schedule like - are there any windows of time for you to spend tête-à-tête with her, without him present?

we only have her 12 yr old son with us. we have our beds together side by side. yes he rides his motorcycle or goes to store etc.

That is all? he does not have a job outside the home with regular hours?

no he does not he is on disbility

I can see how you would be frustrated out of your wit's end!!

Kerrie, That is typicially how these type of relationships work. Of course you are into the other woman more then man. Your concern is that you would like to have more time w/ the female member of your family.

Can you all make a weekly calander that allows you to have more acces to one another. That is kinda what I do w/ my 3 kids. Even though we are all in the same house my H and I, plus our 3 kids, it just isn't the same. My H gets 30 minitues uninterupted time w/ each child once a week. Which I know is not much. But it is their time together. I get the same. No one gets to holler for me. get me something to drink, or he stuck his tounge out at me. My littlest one calls it her Josie time. That might be an option for yall. A seperate date night for each of you once a week. With funds being tight, that could be anything from a walk, to a drive, or an execellent way to get the man and the son out of the house for an evening of inexpensive fun.

I put my 30 min of time for my H that is once a week and he puts his 30 min for me once a week together. SO we have a whole HOUR alone once a week. We lock ourselves in the bathroom most of the time. Just talking sometimes more them talking though. We do date night once a month. W/ lack of money and 3 kids, it just ain't possible to get more time then that.

Thats just what we do. If the 3 of you are in a relationship then the 3 of you should be allowed time alone w/ each other. Do you have any need to be w/ the male? or is that the others ladies fella? Just curious.

KB, BM has great practical suggestions.

Under your circumstances, you are not in a way greedy. Rather, you are being deprived of private time with your lover. If the guy is out of the house irregularly for short perios of time, then what you and the woman do basically amounts to stealing some private moments together. That is not good for either of you, but especially for you, KB.

Well guys each of us have 2 days a week 2 hours with eachother like mondays me and karrie have 2 hours to do whatever we want and tuesday karrie and him have 2 hours to do whatever they want and so on... Im more into her thn him him and her been together for 9 years ive been with them almost 2 years i dnt care to have alone time with him cse all i want is her but in oreder to keep her and him happy i do it i dnt wnt to hurt him but i just deal with it...

Well that is a good start. 2 hours 2 x a week. What do the man and you do w/ your time togehter. Watch TV, take walks, is he into you and you are not into him, or are you both not into each other. Just wondering.

him and i watch tv, talk, sex its not that im not into him i kinda aim but i prefer woman sexually and relationship wise but i also kn tht if i dont do things with him ill lose her he will make things for her and i impossible till one of us breaks and i walk away he is more into me than her because im smaller than her and he dont show me any love or kiss me touch me etc unless we are alone he dont want to hurt her but i tell her everything he does and says to me she knows how he is with me and she says she loves him and wont leave him i dont understand it but thats how she is she fights and fights for who she loves he is a good guy hes just an *** at times but when hes not he is wonderful to both of us

So let me get this straight. He and She have been together for 9 years. You and her have been together for 2 years. But he has sex w/ her, of course because they have been together for 9 years.

You and him have sex even though you are not really that into it. He prefers you sexually over her. But because he has been w/ her longer and doesn't want to hurt her feelings, he is only affectionate towards you while she is not around.

She on the other hand is not concerned who he is affectionate and sexual with as long as it it is one of the two of you. Both you ladies are bi, so it stands to reason that the fact that you and him share a sex, and she and him share a sex life, since you both do it is of little concern to her.

Do I have this correct. I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

yes u pretty much got it.. her and i, him and i, her and him have sex just the two of us and we all 3 have sex together at times too its a messed up sitution i know lol he is more into me because im thinner then her she is a big girl and her and i believe hes only with her for convience so me and her stick together we talk we cry we do alot together and we keep eachother strong i think she is beautiful inside and out and i her and i put up with his **** because if we dont he will make me leave and it will tear her and i up cause we r so in love with one another she makes me so mad at times i know she would b better off just her and i but they have 9 years together and she really does love him he is just an *** at times but when hes not hes wonderful

Ok. Just making sure I got it right. Are he and she married or just partners. The relationship you and he have sounds similar to the relationship most guys and girls have. The get along most of the time, have sex some of the time, and are butt heads some of the time to. Thats just the way relationships are I feel like. It certinly is not the lovie dovie stuff you see on the soaps or on TV.

no they r not married... ya i think so too me and him have a love hate relationship lol but her and i r wonderful together we can talk cry and just b together not him though its a man thing they r not romantic at all lol

So I see: You want to be w/ her,
He wants to be w/ you,
And she wants to be w/ you,

Every one wants to be with you, but you don't want to be w/ everybody.

pretty much but she wants to b with both of us but we both know he is bored with her but she dnt care she loves him so i stay because i do love her so much and she knows tht i want her ovr him anyday and she loves tht she atleast has one of us who think she is beautiful and amazing so i deal with the bs just to keep a smile on my babygirls face