Your views on fetishes and the BDSM lifestyle

I am a strong supporter of the BDSM (and LGBT) community and lifestyle, though I wouldn't consider myself living either lifestyle at the moment. BDSM stands for Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism.

A BDSM lifestyle treats relationships the same as vanilla (aka "regular", "normal", "boring", "non-kinky") relationships, except that those in the lifestyle implement BDSM into the relationship. A BDSM lifestyle can be of varying degrees, such as "I live it 24/7", "I live the lifestyle when I can", "Just in the bedroom", or "Curious and want to try". Some "true" BDSM lifestyles incorporate BDSM into every aspect of their life including their workplace, school, around family, though many people only live the lifestyle around others who also live the lifestyle.

BDSM is not all about whips and chains, it includes fetishes too. There are many type of fetishes, the most popular ones including feet fetishes, Daddy/Princess, Master/Slave, bondage, medical fetishes, etc. There's a fetish for everything; you name it, there's a fetish for it. There are many definitions of what a fetish is: some say a fetish means you absolutely cannot have sex without acting upon your fetish, I say that fetishes can just be an unusually strong sexual interest or obsession in a specific act, thing, or person.

I have a couple very strong fetishes which I would like to share, but first I'd like to know if anyone here has a fetish or into BDSM, and for those who don't have a fetish, I'd like to know your views on certain fetishes and the BDSM community.

My fetishes are having my hair pulled, being bitten and my hubby wearing eyeliner and nail polish. I truly believe that probably 95% of people have some kind of fetish if they are completely honest with themselves

Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.

She's coming. Her knee-high black boots echo throughout the empty bunker. Oh s***! she's got her paddle in her hand, the silver death skull etched into the black rubber. Her luger fits snug and ready in its holster, caressed by her rough, calloused hands. Oh mein gott, she's going to break me. Her icy blue eyes are cold and piercing; she knows I've been bad. "Mmmph!" is the only sound I can muffle out as my wrists fight the rope tied behind my back. She smiles and tsks. She'd never let me go that easily. She snaps her fingers and points to a spot by her side, and I grunt and quickly shuffle beside her. She gives me a hard look before a swift slap meets my face, leaving a stinging sensation. She hates it when a man slouches, as if he were entitled to act so selfishly. "On your knees, soldier," she growls and rips the piece of cloth from my mouth. I gasp,

"Yes, Miss Emma."

Okay, so I just made that up on the spot. I tried to keep it tame but hopefully give you a taste of Miss Emma. She is a Nazi Domme and my alter ego. I have a Nazi fetish, primarily of the Nazi uniform and the Swastika. I started having these thoughts at 14 while learning about the Holocaust in history class, I found myself fantasizing and even went as far as checking out "Mein Kampf" but returned it for fear of being brainwashed, so I forced myself out of those fantasies. However, a year and a half ago I began having the fantasies again and started watching every WWII movie that involved Nazis I could find, even watching the history channel. It freaked out my parents a bit, but they I knew I had good intentions. I spent some money on uniforms and lingerie began wearing my uniform around the house when I was alone. Last time I was this open about this subject on this forum, I received a lot of negative feedback and even public humiliation. I reached out to my dad and explained to him of everything I felt about the subject and he was very supportive, telling me that in time I will move on from it, but that I shouldn't be ashamed of it.

Sharing my fantasies again will be different because I am not looking for acceptance. I know that I do not support the Nazis or the Holocaust. I realize that it is a sensitive subject, and I have the highest respect for the Jewish community. I am hoping that I can be open and educate others about the BDSM community, as even in the BDSM this fantasy is considered taboo. I also do not intend to gloat or endorse this fetish. Yes, once I start talking about it's hard to stop, but I don't mean to make anyone uncomfortable or make people think I am supporting something that encourages hatred. "Fascination does not equal support."

I am open to questions about this fantasy or BDSM.

Those are all very hot fetishes!

My fetishes are mostly femdom, but I am partial to really any sort of domination. When I watched war of the worlds, the domination of the humans was a turn on too.

I need to find guys who are into femdom.

Uniform, strap-on, bondage, spanking, hair-pulling, what more can you ask for?

I've had a strap-on used on me before

Anyway, fetishes IIRC are paraphillias and are normally chronic in nature.

The underlying concept in BDSM in my experience is that of psychological control and manipulation e.g. Is the whip about to lightly flick me between the legs or land hard across my back.

It's very easy to idealise fetish relationships, esp 24/7 ones, and to become sucked in easily.

It's also important to be aware of the underlying causes of a BDSM based fetish I.e. If your parents were overtly controlling in your formative years then you'd be likely to have unconsciously sexualised it, and for it to become a sexual fantasy later on when you reach sexual maturity.

For me personally I didn't find it healthy to keep perpetuating things in my relationship, as I found it was psychologically holding me back from dealing with and working through associated unresolved issues.

hehe
I'm in a Dom/Sub relationship. In a sense its sort of 24/7, but not "really". We don't always have kinky sex, sometimes its vanilla.

Its kinda hard to explain... its just that these are the roles we've always assumed naturally within our relationship (obviously to a lesser degree) years before we even saw eachother naked (we were friends for 10 yrs before we started dating) so when we started exploring BDSM, the Dom/Sub roles came very naturally to both of us.

We like Master and Slave play. I love having my hair pulled, recieving asphyxiation, biting (receiving an giving) being spanked (hard), and having candle wax drip on me while blindfolded and bound. I also love it when he talks dirty

As for underlying causes? I am not submissive by nature, I'm actually a control freak by nature. I've always secretely wanted to relinquish control to someone, in some way, and bf is the only person I've ever trusted with any type of reigns.

Please don't mistake any of this for "I am a zombie and obey him 24/7"... That couldn't be further from the truth. We are equals, but like I said, its not easy to explain the dynamics.

I understand the dynamics . Both partners are equal

Thank you
I've never tried explaining it before lol

I think sexual expression that cannot injure an individual is great between consenting adults.

I think a lot of fetishes are imaginative play-outs of one's individual creativity; whether one likes sucking on or nail painting the partner's toes, which, is probably an individual quirk, just as whether one does whatever with toes or fingers.

I am reminded of social "styles" in sexual expression; how it was felt to be shocking to see a woman's legs back a couple hundred years ago and now we scratch our heads about that and can't imagine what the problem may have been. We know St. Paul wanted women's heads covered a couple thousand years ago and that back then, women's hair was thought to be a problem for men, the woman's long hair had "power". I wish!

As far as BDSM goes, I've come a very long way in starting to understand the dynamics behind the fetish, and overall, I'd say I mostly "get it" in terms of its appeal. It's not something I think I could do, or more aptly, not something I could be the dom in, I guess speaking honestly. I personally don't think I could bring myself to be in that position and still maintain any sort of pleasure (I'd be too afraid of hurting her ). On the flip side, I'm pretty indifferent to the reversal of the roles, as I'm not in any position to hurt her and I trust her not to permanently maim me or anything like that (rofl otherwise we wouldn't be in that scenario). It's something I've put little consideration to as a personal experience, so I've yet to really develop much of a train of thought aside from that.

I just realized I didn't post my POV ... well obviously I'm for it, but I feel like elaborating

The main reason I am all for (my) choices, is that it has strengthened my relationship and connection with BF in leaps and bounds.

Firstly, we were dating for 3 years before he brought up the topic in jest. It took alot for him to admit to his fetishes and he was certain it would scare me off. Instead I was open to the idea of his fetishes and did some research to see if I would be open to it before shutting it down, even downloaded a BDSM guide

So there already we both scored points in the trust department.

My research led me to discover my fetishes, things I've always secretly wanted to try but never gave them a second thought (because really, who does that? ) and so brought it up with bf. Turns out we do it!

BF was a bit, ok very reluctant about spanking me at first...
For 1, he's a big guy and said he would cry if he hurt me. lol. So I convinced we'd start small and take it slow, and promised to communicate anything I didn't like.... Here I scored major trust brownie points with him for researching in the first place. He couldn't believe I actually did that

Also my research led me to the name of what I secretly craved, to be able to submit to someone else, no questions asked. Enlightenment much?

The BDSM guide showed me that BF and I had always had the premise of a DOM/SUB relationship, even though we were both unaware, and this suprizingly excited me to no end! Felt like a kid on Christmas morning!!

So now here's my point... I love the fact that we explore kink as it is the ultimate display of trust for both of us. It has deepend and strengthened the bond between us on levels I never imagined possible.
It honestly has done wonders for us, and that's saying something because we were pretty wonderful to begin with.

Wow, I am surprised there are this many people here who are into it.

Trippin, role reversal is very common in Dom/Sub. IRL, I am a doormat, I let people walk all over me. But when I put on a uniform, I am no woman to mess with. I can be as powerful and strong as I want. I also have a fear of sex and have to be in control. I'm not comfortable with being dominated or controlled during sex. So it's pretty natural to be dominant IRL and submissive in the bedroom.

Ever spoke to a T about your confident issues? It seems your dominant sexual side could be to help you to feel safe and not like the self described doormat that you see yourself as in rl. It'd be interesting to see if your self esteem and confidence issues etc in rl were resolved if and how that'd impact your need for power related fantasies.

Does anybody ever have any 'weird' fetishes? I've experimented with ageplay in the form of mother child roleplay before.

Ohhh cool! Thanks for the insight, things make lots of sense now! LOL

Are you making fun of me?

Lmao! Neverrrr We replied at the same time to Dr Skipper! I was referring to my role reversal tendency in the bedroom

uhuh sureeeeeeeeee

Of all the things I am, a liar isn't one of them!

I don't live the bdsm lifestyle, but me and my wife like to incorporate elements into sex. Dom/sub, spanking, bondage. It adds some excitement to sex. She likes the feeling of not being in control and I like pleasing her. I think I am adventurous and like the new and unexplored.

I had no intention of implying such a thing - you have such an angelic face

We just started talking about it last session, but it's something I'm going to work on. Although, I like the uniform and I like being in control.

"Weird" is very subjective. One person's weird is another person's normal. In fact, ageplay is one of the most common BDSM fetish. I see it all the time.

My list of fetishes include: Nazi, strap-on/pegging, an*l, facef***ing (him), deepthroating, bondage, candle wax (him), blindfolding (him), nipple torture...I'm sure I have a few more that I can think of.