*** Decided to go to a Dominatrix ***

I have decided to go to a dominatrix, this pent up stress and frustration in my life and not having the ability to make my body and mind have casual sex needs some outlet.

This will be the first time I go to a female, she is a professional. I talked to her on the phone a bit, and expressed my need for a full body flogging. She had a nurturing tone to her voice and understood my concerns. But going to a dominatrix costs half a car payment so I will need to wait a bit till some current expenses are taken care of.

The stroke of every tail against my body should provide a much needed release. Every stroke should release all this pent up pain and stress, or at least that is what I am hoping. I want to twist and turn in pain for an hour, wherever her stroke may fall on my body. No playing around with soft strokes or running it up and down and teasing me with it. Lets get down to business with the medium ones and then the constant strokes, one after the other, till I cannot take it anymore.

The main relief will come in the next couple of days, when every sting left over on my back lights up if i move in a certain way and releases the stress freeing dose like a patient hooked up to morphine.

On a positive note, I may have the possibility of a date this evening, I met this guy off craigs list who wants to go watch SPLIT as well. So let's see how it goes. Hopefully it wont turn up like last Friday.... (see the "Twilight Woods" post). I am not wearing my heart on my sleeve for him, just want to go to the movies with someone. He is a man who just broke up and wants to go have some fun, but seems wounded on the inside and thinks i cannot see it.

The man from the Twilight Woods does not like me going to the dominatrix but he wont talk about it...just have a soft smile if I mention it, he knows i need it. I saw him in a Tshirt the other day, a black one, his arms are nice and strong, his gaze was down while i was telling him about my day. He would sometimes put his hands in his pocket and smile or fold them across his chest and i would see those arm muscles tighten up when he did that. He seemed a little nervous and didn't know what to do with his hands, I like nervous men, they have a certain vulnerability to them...

Will update...

Update on the Date -

The date went fine, the guy was ok. He seemed to be giving hints he was into me and I did the same...maybe I read them wrong. This was on Saturday, there have been no phone calls and texts since. I guess he is no interested. His life runs at a 100mph though, a total social butterfly, I am quite the opposite. We tried to make small talk but it didnt work, he is so social for me and I am so boring for him. I think dont the man could stand being alone with himself for a minute..but its fine...i used to be like that back in the day but i grew out of it. Nothing much really happened...just the normal good bye. I sat in my car and saw him walk away, looking at his phone because his friends were waiting for him for some Super Bowl party.

I just like the man from the twilight woods, he is the only one that understands me inside and out. Noone else will understand me like he does. His body and soul is always in sync with myne. We dont even have to speak to each other to understand each other. I wish he was in front of me. My life would be so much happier. I made an attempt to get out there and meet someone. But doesn't seem to be working so far.

I just want the man from the twilight woods. He is the only one that understands me.

yes they are very expensive ... sometimes if your careful and there are any underground papers (or web now) for local groups you can hook up with a play date ... pain or any feeling can seem like a way to deal with depression and I will admit it can and has gotten me thru a few bad times ... but I am not sure it is a healthy way to handle your emotional needs ... but then again I don't handle mine any better ... be careful ... sometimes we can get more than we can handle and it can come very quickly ... and sometimes it can cause more emotional hurt than it helps ... I hope you find what your looking for ....

I could have written a lot of that, I'll just put it that way. Heh.

I agree with wiretwister, that this does not really sound like a healthy way and as you said, it's expensive either. Why don't you write the (sexual) frustration you carry inside yourself down. Write about the pleasure you would get from being flogged, from being punished. You can than either delete/burn what you have written, or share it with others on the internet, for their and your own benefit. Judging by the few lines you have written, I can tell that you have talent, as a writer! Just publish it on a website for erotic literature, and I'm sure you will get many positive replies. That might help you too. Good luck