Wanting to have a one night stand

So far I've taken those steps. Last time he put my hands on me I called the police for the first time. I wasn't hurt really, he never can, I'm a bit strong....but I needed the message sent to him that I ain't screwing around with his BS anymore. When the police came I told him that I needed him for an intimidation factor and to file an incident so if anything were to ever happen I have it documented. The cop was cool with me and helped me. I didn't press charges though.

I consider my college my best way out. I can get my degree, be educated, and if all goes the way it's supposed to I hope I will have a good career. Then I'm free from my dependency on him, his money, and his eyes over the kids while I am in class. Quitting school will only make my life harder. I would be emotionally devastated...especially since it's what everybody expects.

I agree that there are much areas in life I haven't even began to venture and I've been beginning to crave it. I think with time, suffering, and patience I will eventually be free too.

Since the police incident he hasn't put his hands on me, but words don't leave a visible mark....so they are still there.

I'm doing the best I can with what I got for now basically.

I wasn't to bothered I understood it was between them and not necessarily about me, it was just the off subject that bothered me. I felt my problem had been forgotten. All is well though I tend to never get bitter. If I got a problem, I'll say it. Thanks for defending my thread though...appreciated

(((((( youOme ))))))

Good for you for taking a stand hon. And good for you for staying in school and taking steps to be self-supporting.

I forget how hard it was to be in my early 20's, and I didn't even have the complication of children. I just had the spouse that was a problem.

I admire your strength and courage!!!!

Thanks Ray...appreciate that

im sorry that i interfered with your thread, i joke around a lot to get people to smile a little during their day here, but sometimes it doesnt come out right or i put my foot in my mouth. i will never interfer with any thread you ever post again.

YouOme

JUST KEEP UP this approach and you will do fine!!
GOOD LUCK

youOme,

Do you want permission or advice? Advice: sleeping with someone elses husband is a bad idea. You said it yourself, the world if full of gray no black and white. What makes you think that you'll be able to just walk away? It's not that easy. Besides, you already know the answer to that question, if you didn't, you would have slept with him long ago. You know it's wrong but want someone to give you permission.

You're situation is not unique sadly. It's wonderful that you're standing up for yourself and putting your husband on notice. Outstanding, well done! Keep it up!

Now a little advice you didn't ask for which is more important by far then whethere you have a one night stand with anyone. You do not say how old your kids are, but they see a lot more than adults give them credit for. They feel the tension in the house, they see the anger, frustration and resentment. You think a degree is the best thing you can do for your kids? You're wrong, and I'm speaking from experience from the CHILD'S point of view, the best thing that you can do for your kids is give them a peaceful home where they don't have to worry that the slightest thing sets off one or the both of you. This is not just my own experience but sadly my nephew and niece as well, 3 years old, worrying if mommy and daddy are going to fight, the five year old well on his way to an ulcer because he has to worry about things a five year old shouldn't have to worry about. I'll stop now because as you can see this is a sensitive topic that I could go on for hours about.

You're on the right path. Follow your instincts and give your children a loving, peaceful home.

An update and reply: I haven't made any moves since my post. The situation became awkward when the wife of the man I've been considering "gave me permission" to sleep with her husband. At that moment I felt I lost control of the situation and some how she contained it. She said since she had an affair on him this would even them out. I couldn't possibly contribute to this. It could have been entirely different. I'm 100% turned off from the idea, so no more worries about a one night stand. But this doesn't stray from the fact I am still home with my husband and tolerating the %#@&#! he puts me through on a regular basis.

I agree that there are other ways out, but my fear of leaving high and dry, risking it all for what exactly? I'm not even sure, possibly for even worse suffering. Poverty, hunger, and complete failure...maybe. I could become a welfare recipient...but the idea of living in such poor conditions relying on the state for food, shelter, and warmth seems unstable. All I ever wanted for my kids is a good life. I have to decide which bout of suffering I have to endure upon them or myself and which of it is worse. So far I lean towards staying with their father because although he treats me like %#@&#! he treats his babies like gold....for the time being.

My problems have not been solved and a one night stand surely would have complicated everything more. I don't regret the fact that it never happened and never will. I did consider all you're replies, but even then with all the disagreement on my behavior I felt I was going to do it...I really was. Unfotunately, or maybe not so, I'm unable to do it.

I appreciate ya'll sticking with me and not judging me so harshly. This was after all the only place to turn with this secret. Do not worry, I will get through this.

You said,she said, "since she had an affair on him this would even them out."
I would be leerie of her friendship, it's almost like she's using you to relieve her own guilt of her affair.
A good friend wouldn't do that, almost sounds like some twisted game.
I'm glad you didn't become part of that game, sounds like you have enough stuff in your life going on, and you certainly do not need to be involved with such games.
I wish you lots of luck, and are able to persue the things you want in life that will enable you to have independence from all of this, even start over, you are young and still have a future.
Please take care of yourself,your mind,health and your children.