Wanting to have a one night stand

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muffy said:
I totally agree with Ray, both posts and gypsy.

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LOL!!

you are bieng abused, and there is no surnrize you want someone naiv,e atractive and youger than you are after bieng with someone older and abuseive.

i think that he may be jsut an escape for you.
sooner or later..you will have to decide if you want to live this life or try something different.

i am in no place to give advice abou tmarrige but here i agree that abusive marrige is nto marrige. it is hell for you i suppose.

WHEN YOU DO THE BEST FOR YOURSELF YOU DO THE BEST FOR EVERYONE.

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WHEN YOU DO THE BEST FOR YOURSELF YOU DO THE BEST FOR EVERYONE.

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I agree fully with this. It's just hard to get out when there's no where to go. My only option would to leave my children with him. My children would be safe....he adores them much more then he does me....but I can't imagien living without them, I'd just rather not.

i understand. i didn`t say do this or do that....i just stated something that i have learned from
"Conversations With God" by Neal Donald Walsh
(or however his name is spelled forgive me)

the best is BEST..no matter for whom...i am happy that you agree...i just think that there is no surprize if you are being abused and have no sex that it all happened...

why are you sure the children muslft be left with him?

wait - I'm not seeing the abuse here. I think I missed something...

if your husband is abusive and controlling get out of the marriage. but don't sleep with your friends husband. if you have gone without sex for this long you can wait a little longer til after your divorce and find one of your own. no matter what your friend is saying I can assure you she does not mean it.

nevermind - just found it. Missed it the first time around.

For crying out loud - listen to Bebop and set your priorities (and your kids should be #1 on that list, before flings)

Honestly....after reading this thread, it kinda seems like you won't be happy until someone says, "Yeah, go ahead and boff him!!"

You sound like a smart woman. You know that staying with an abuser is no good for you or your kids.

If you are in the US, you can contact the National DV hotline. Here is their website and phone number. They can help you get relocated with your children.

http://www.ndvh.org/

1-800-799-7233

P.S. IMHO, sleeping with this guy will only complicate your life....and not in a good way. All the other problems will still exist - and you'll likely have some new ones.

IMO....something doesn't sit right with me and this whole story.....put a fork in me..cos im Done!!

haha gypsy! you wantta get forked? lol oops sorry but I simply could not resist!

hahahaha... my lil Beeee...shoulda saw that one coming. glad it was from you.

xoxoxo

hahaha miss you girl

doesnt sit right while facing the other way

ahhhhhh you slay me.... hahahaha

i dont mind you hanging out wasting all my time
cause when your oh so near i kinda lose my mind

Lets try and get back to the matter at hand here.

I'm curious too as to why your kids would need to stay with the father?

Thanks Ray
...my problem has seem to become the joke here. If ya'll were in my shoes you sure wouldn't be able to say "stick a fork in me I'm done"...I have to live with it. So, yeah keep joking it up...not your problem, not your life, neither is it your solutions. If there's something that you can't comprehend about my situation is because it ain't you, you ain't living it.....it's complicated. Nothing is ever black and white it's all shaded. This %#@&#! has racked my head for a week now and the consequence is an unstudied psych test, dirty house, and pit of resentment. This is how it's effected me, but ya'll keep picking.

Anyway, everybody thinks up and leaving is easier then it seems. Just leave, just leave....it's not so simple. I ain't got nowhere to go and I surely ain't going to some resource center. After all this is my apartment, everything in it is mine, and the vehicles are mine. I ain't leaving without a fight. I'm not afraid of the pain he can afflict on me. Pain has been apart of my entire life. I'm doing what I have to for now and I know what's best for my children. I just don't know what's best for me. I'm bigger and stronger then my posts my make me appear. The situation is more tiring mentally and emotionally then it is physically..let me tell you.

Eh...I've some how exhausted my points and attributions, my damn intentions. I get what ya'll are saying, the same damn thing anybody else would say, the same damn thing I would tell somebody else. Gotcha alright. I'm just tired of doing the right thing when it don't get me nowhere....marriage/relationship wise. I'll just be a "piece of %#@&#!" to him either way.

My sister recently had an affair on her husband and before my own personal "thing"...whatever, I judged her and told her she was in the wrong and a horrible person for jeopardizing her military brat lifestyle. Now I understand her better then ever before...even if she has much more then I do. There's something important lacking in her marriage just like mine. I guess you can't understand unless you've actually been there.

just so you know.. i was refering to myself.."stick a fork in me I'm Done" with this thread.

I'm so sorry you're feeling the way you are here, trying to get some insight and help. And you're absolutely right, I've never experienced your situation, so I don't know.......I don't have children either so I don't know.

I guess those of us who have told you to leave see that as the only out, being on the outside of the situation. I can only speak from what I think I'd do. I've left volitale relationships in the past, even a husband, but there were no kids, and I had help from friends and family.

I can't possibly begin to understand your pain in this situation. I think I just wish I had a solution....

Any chance at all that if you talk to him and tell him a divorce would be best for both of you, that he'd leave? And leave you there with all your stuff and still have a role with the kids?

You... it's not that your problem is a joke; it's that most of us seem to be of the opinion that the 'problem' you started this thread with seems so minor compared to the big, big problems going on in your marriage.

No, it's not easy to just walk away from a marriage, especially when kids are involved. I've had many people, in real life and here at PC, give me the same advice, often tritely, that I should "just" leave my husband. In my case, I love my husband to pieces and have never had any desire to leave him, but it's easy for people to advise that when they're only hearing the complaints.

All I, at least, meant to say is that having a one night stand will complicate your already complicated life in ways that I don't believe you are anticipating. I'm no angel either, but I do know that extra-marital affairs in either direction are inevitably and irreversibly damaging to everyone involved.

I have walked in those shoes. that is how I can say what I do. it is never easy. none of us live with you so we can't possibly know everything about the situation. I think your mind was made up before you wrote here about things. good luck in whatever you decide.

just my opion if your marriage is going to fail why not get him out of appartment especially as he is abusive

on the question of the one night stand why not save your friendship and just look for a non complicated one night stand and then you wont feel guilty and your friends hubby wont feel guilty because guilt will take over your life, and as soon as your marriage is over work on you and the children

I hope someday you can find one of the good men out there. They do exist, and we all deserve one.

well, having had a one night stand when I was single is one action that I would never again repeat. i never felt so dirty and ashamed even though the sex was good.

my concern is that if you did have sex with your girlfriend's husband may create a situation where once is not enough making you crave additional couplings. i can't imagine that you'd be satified with a 1 time get together.

then of course, you must consider your girlfriend's feelings and her reaction should she find out. would sleeping with her husband be worth losing her friendship.

as far as your relationship with your husband. sounds like you need some much needed communication with him and counseling. if you no longer love him whatsoever, why stay married? i think that you need to dig deep in your heart to figure out if you still love him. even so, counseling may rekindle some long lost flames.

overall, resist your urges to sleep with your girlfriend's husband. once you do, there is no turning back. maybe you could enjoy sex with your husband while fantasizing about the other man. just a suggestion. others may disagree, but fantasizing about another person while having sex with your spouse is perfectly healthy and normal.

i hope this helps. i just hate to see you bite off more than you can chew, so to speak.

i dont understand why you cant wait until he does it again, go to the cops, file a restraining order and take him to court for battery. youre in school right? quit school and focus on getting yourself better. i have been in that same situation. i dont understand why you wont go to a center. i live out of my car for about a month until i found a friend with a spare bedroom. i had to break in while he was gone to get all my stuff and had to have my friends with me to make sure he didnt try anything. dont try and act like youre in a special situation, thats why were on here because we have all been in situations like that: depressing, abusive etc...

wait until he hits you again. press charges and kick him out. screw him! if its your stuff make him leave! if youre on semesters then school should be just about up so quit school and get a job and go back to school later.

if you commit adultery it will be so much harder for you to be divorced. he can take you for everything you have, get the kids and all kinds of stuff. you have to look at the long run. for gods sake youre only 21! theres no need to be married that young anyways. especially to someone who abuses you. go explore things! live your life before you let someone control your life like that.

i totally agree with what have been said here. jsut wanted to add somehting fomr my short life experience

KEEP IN MIND Guys/Ladies!!

it`s a preson in distress we are talking to!
i complately agree that You took it the wrong way...they were NOT making a joke of you dear..the joke is more about themsleves...

BUT! a person in her situation is MORE likely to get hurt even for nonsense and we are here TO GIVE HER SUPPORT NOT to hurt her!

she probably had enough and was brave enough (like many others on this msg board) to be vurnarable to us and sinsere about her problem!

so let`s respect her and be careful with what we say.

i know that the joke was nonsense, but it`s all considering the case, isn`t it?

hugs