Premature Ejaculation in Older Men

I would like to hear from wives / gf that have a man that is older and they are having to deal with him having an orgasm/ejaculating before you are ready or some times even before you get to the gate...... as I have been having this problem with my husband for a few months now and let me tell you it is no fun - I would rather just do it myself these days than to get with him and get all worked up to only have him finish with out me, but once again.
*small - grrrr*

Ladies - how have you dealt with this, short of finishing by your self after the event is over?

Men - how do you as a man deal with this issue?

P.S.
It is really frustrating for me as I like to feel him inside of me for a while before it is over - but once he enters me it seems to be over in 60 second or less....... darn friction -

Short of sounding Selfish........
WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME?

gee sounds like you have been in my house lol. for 11 yrs I have gone thru this. my husband did not know how to control his at all. was over in less than a minute most times. he always made sure to take care of me first in most cases. maybe have him try some viagra? my husband won't get it but maybe yours is willing. my hubby now has no sex drive at all.

It is kind of an unusual problem, as it tends to occur much more in younger men. There are ways to control it though, the best advice is to brouse the health section at your local bookstore, lots of info there I also would consult "Men's Health They have published several books on improving the sex life of couples and I am pretty sure that would be something they would have addressed in detail, as a long time subscriber to the magazine, I feel they give very good, easy to understand to follow guidance on many issues.

My wife and I are the opposite of most couples, she usually is too tired to carry on after her second "O" and I end up taking care of myself.

But I am weird in many ways LOL

when I went to the urologist many years ago, he told me about prescribing Zoloft to patients for premature ejaculation

might mention it to your hubbys doctor

my problem is the complete opposite....no ejaculation

I was just thinking...... Is it still considered premature ejaculation if he is receiving full sexual satisfaction from the encounter? or is it some thing else and he is just quicker than I am.

I always thought premature was sort of unexpected and wasnt full satisfaction....but ive never experienced it, so im not 100% sure

Premature Ejaculation is defined as ejaculating before you choose to. Guys (should) have control over the timing of ejaculation, you see.

I'm supposing that this hasn't been a problem all along, but is something that is 'episodic' - or something that has only recently transpired?

- Does he know that you would like for him to hold off ejaculating for a bit longer?

It could be due to miscommunication, you see, where he thinks that his timing is just fine.

- Is it a problem when he is controlling the pace / depth of thrusting or only when you are?

Guys can control when they ejaculate by controlling the pace / depth of thrusting - but if the female is controlling those things (and the guy isn't cuing what he needs) then the guy may well not be able to control when he ejaculates.

Some guys don't figure out how to control when they ejaculate naturally so there are techniques for teaching them how. It might be that he could benefit from learning these techniques whether or not this has been a problem all along - or that you could help him control the timing by employing these techniques when he cues you that he is about to ejaculate.

- The squeeze method is one technique (stop thrusting and squeeze below the head until the feeling passes and thrusting can resume)

- Stopping thrusting is another

- Diverting ones thoughts to something else is another (something he has to do)

There are also SSRI's (where the major side effect is delayed ejaculation) but why go there without trying the other techniques (given the other major side effects of SSRI's)?

Sounds like it might be best for you to talk to him about this...

brian zoloft will do that to you. when my hubby and I got together he was on that and had the same problem. needless to say he stopped taking it.

Thanks for the reply KJ - I will answer your questions so we can try and get to the bottom of this.

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Premature Ejaculation is defined as ejaculating before you choose to.

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I would have to say that he comes when he is ready (or when it feels to good to wait any longer) - but the timing is not right with me - when I want / need him to come so I too can enjoy the moment.

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I'm supposing that this hasn't been a problem all along, but is something that is 'episodic' - or something that has only recently transpired?

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Right - this problem has only transpired recently.... we have been together for twenty-five years and this has only been an issue with in the last six months...... he could control his timing when he was younger and I was able to get there sooner than I can now.

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It could be due to miscommunication, you see, where he thinks that his timing is just fine.

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No - there is no miscommunication going on here - as I speak up when it comes to sex, always have.
I would say the timing is right for him - just not for me.

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Is it a problem when he is controlling the pace / depth of thrusting or only when you are?

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It is better contained (delayed) when he controls the thrusting....... but I like the thrusting or I can't get there.

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Sounds like it might be best for you to talk to him about this...

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I have talked to him (many times) - he knows - he says he does not like leaving me unsatisfied...... and the only reason he can give me is that it just feels so good to him or the pressure gets the best of him that he is ready to come, and does... Good for Him Bad for Me.

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Seems like a no win situation here.... for ME -
as he gets his sexual pleasure while I am often left behind....... and then there's the fact that to get me where I need to be (him thrusting) only means that he will finish before I am ready - and lets face it most older men only have one shot in them per day or night.

And Yes..... I could always do it myself, but I am looking for the emotional stirring that occurs during sex and not just the sexual feeling one gets from sex.

This can be a really hard issue for guys to face up to / to talk about honestly. So much of masculine gender identity, self esteem etc is tied up in their sexual performance. It could be that the reasons simply aren't terribly transparent even to him...

> he comes when he is ready (or when it feels to good to wait any longer)

What would happen if he waited longer? Is he concerned / afraid that he would lose his erection? Is it that by then he already feels that he has 'passed the point of no return'?

> he could control his timing when he was younger and I was able to get there sooner than I can now.

Perhaps it would help to hold off penetration until you are closer? To engage in manual or oral stimulation so that it won't take as long for you to get there? And / or to have manual stimulation along with penetration?

Hmm -

After reading over your last reply I am starting to wonder IF it isn't me that has the problem and not him....... as I cannot get there any more with out him thrusting hard and deep in me and yet when he does this (for me) he comes before I am ready.... what has come of the two of us in our old age - well, the beginning of old age, as he is 43 and I am 41 and we both have medical issues, arthritis and take two or more meds.

Phooie -

well It takes me forever if ever to ejaculate( SSRI's, high bp, weight, sleep apnea)...so maybe we can trade spouses Rhapsody....my wife is quick on the trigger so she would be good with your hubby!

isnt their a show about trading spouses anyway?

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Brian37 said:
isnt their a show about trading spouses anyway?

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Yeah...... but it is not that type of show.

Thanks for your post Brian....... as you summed this issue up for me - in laymen's term.

Hubby is quick on the drawl and I am slow to go - takes me forever (well, 10-15 minutes).

Now?
How to solve this problem....... maybe purchase a girthier long vibrator we can use together before he enters?

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Ladies - Men...... what do you think?

I don't think that a problem with sex is ever due entirely to one person... it is an 'our' problem kind of thing rather than a 'your' or 'my' problem kind of thing.

I think that the solution might lie in comprimise... Could you talk to him again about whether maybe he thinks that he will lose his erection if he holds off for a little longer? His reluctance to wait might be due to that and his fear that if he loses it that won't be satisfying for either of you (and will be embarrassing for him)... Or he might be concerned that he doesn't have sufficient control over the timing and that if he tries to hold off that he will ejaculate kind of inadvertently and that won't be satisfying for either of you (and will be embarrassing for him)...

If you can reassure him that you are up for a bit of experimentation and that if either of those things happen then that is fine - just par for the course in figuring things out... Then he might be up for that.

Similarly, could you talk to him a little about alternative things you could do together before penetration that might make it more likely that you won't need as long to build up to climax? It might be worth experimenting with altering things in both of the above ways in different combinations (at different times or at the same time)

Variety is the spice of life :-)

I too find it hard to "get there" it takes forever for me to get to that point anymore. more in my mind though. other stuff going on but I sure know how you are feeling hon. for me I need alot of foreplay. and I do mean alot!

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bebop said:
I sure know how you are feeling hon. for me I need alot of foreplay. and I do mean alot!

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- I hear you - oh boy do I ever hear you.

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kim_johnson said:
Could you talk to him again about whether maybe he thinks that he will lose his erection if he holds off for a little longer? His reluctance to wait might be due to that and his fear that if he loses it that won't be satisfying for either of you (and will be embarrassing for him)...

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Trust me we have talked..... as we have been together for 25 years "married 22 of those years" - so there is nothing we cannot talk about........ and this is the only reason he has for why he seems to be coming quicker than he use to.

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Rhapsody said:
I have talked to him (many times) - he knows - he says he does not like leaving me unsatisfied...... and the only reason he can give me is that it just feels so good to him or the pressure gets the best of him that he is ready to come, and does... Good for Him Bad for Me.

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kim_johnson said:
Variety is the spice of life :-)

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Yes it is.......
and we practice VARIETY religiously....... alway have.