Sexual problems leads to divorce?

I am a married mother of three beautiful children. My husband & I have been together since we were 16 years old, 18 years. Our relationship has always been pretty rocky. Although I was never sure why. My husband is the best father I have ever seen, both emotionally & financially. He is also a very loving husband, attentive, appreciative, & affectionate. So what’s the problem, right? I have separated from him a couple of times and had relationships with other men, not a secret, but we always end up back together. I would always regret leaving & could never understand why I was always stirring things up to the point of separating.

After some recent self reflection & many months spent trying to figure out the problem, I came to realize the issue was sexual. I am not sexually fulfilled in any way. My husband is very sexually inexperienced, having only two partners including myself. Sex is usually under three minutes and size is somewhat of an issue. I have gently tried to bring some of these things up, but he gets extremely offended & brushes it off. He has sought medical help for the PE, to no avail. Even with all the good I just can’t seem to get past this. I love my husband very much, but I can’t see myself living like this much longer. Any thoughts?

I think alot of us women here are going thru or have gone thru alot of what you are. I have no advise but you are not alone hon. I am older but still it has been an ongoing issue with me for awhile now.

May I ask?
Is it possible that you are using sex to fulfill some thing else in you that is lost / wounded?

I am asking...... because sex is rarely the main reason for a failed marriage.

I don't know the answers but suffer with you. I think it's been longer then a year for me. It plays major games with your head, mine anyway (makes me feel ugly and unwanted). I've never strayed though. I'm 33 and I feel like I will never experience romance again. My family life is to important to me to leave him for that (he has a lot of other problems too (mental and physical)). I guess it depends on how important it is to you, if it leads to divorce or not. I wish you the best of luck and like bebop said "you are not alone".

http://www.books4selfhelp.com/mens-sexual.htm

Perhaps you could find a book for him to read about whatever the situation is, instead of trying to discuss it?

I can understand the sexual issues leads to divorce. I have a similar issue. Only slightly changed. In my case lack of fullfillment comes from my wife not me. There have been a few times I've even had to fake an orgasm to finish because she was just not into it. I can sympathize with you. From a guys perspective...let me tell you. Bringing up issues with size and performance will only make it worse. Just make suttle hints to it. Find information that is for isses that can be for you both. An example would be like that commercial you see all the time for the all natural male enhancement. There is also a product for women. You can get a trial sample of each for like $6 or something. Get them both and suggest you both take them. Try some roleplaying or something like that. I know it puts the burden back on you, however a guy will not do it. If it is important to you than you must try to do everything you can. I will be happy to discuss it at any length you wish to goto.

Of course this is not the only reason for my marriage to fail. It just seems to be the only reason I might not be able to continue the marriage. We have our everyday marriage problems, but over-all he's really a great husband and father. I keep hearing people telling me that I'm so lucky and sex is only a small part of a relationship, but right or wrong it has always been a huge deal to me. I'm a very sexual person. I don't feel like I'm using it to fill anything. I've just always been kind of a guy when it comes to this kind of stuff.

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Jenb2 said:
right or wrong it has always been a huge deal to me. I'm a very sexual person.

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I hear you (and understand) as I too have always been like that when it come to sex & sexual pleasure.

I guess you have to ask your self is this marriage / man worth fighting for even if the sex is less than you expect or want it to be... as sex will dwindle off in any long term relationship - then what are you left with?

I took to purchasing adult sex toys to help me out when hubby is not in the giving mood... money is no object when it comes to my pleasure - my inner happiness.

I used to think the my wife and I were in the minority (a small minority at that!), but I'm wrong. That's actually comforting.
We experience our problems with this issue. Sex is fun for me, but my wife doesn't find fulfillment the great majority of the time.
Thanks for letting me share. I wish you and your husband the best, Jenb2.

Sexual problems can lead to a divorce, but usually that is not the only thing wrong in the relationship. I had a 3 minute man, at first, I thought he was just overly excited to see me, great boost for the selfesteem, but it never changed. He was so sexually inexperienced and was complacement about it. I attempted to change things around but nothing changed. We did end up getting divorced, however like I said there were other issues, we had a child that died, he could be so mean and nasty, he was pretty much emotionally unavailable. I am sorry sex is VERY IMPORTANT!!! No matter what you think. Everything else could seem fine on the surface but it seems when it comes to the sex part, as I have felt, you may feel let down, no important enough for him to help change things up, my opinion of course. Does he know how you feel? Does he care? I understand that parenting children together in the same house that is, is important but you are being left out in the ladder of importance it sounds like. I recently ordered some items from Adam and Eve (a discreet service for sexually related items), they sell dvds about having better sex or becoming better. Haven't seen them myself, but they are worth a try and books as well. He may just be a premature ejaculator as well, that can be helped with a little blue pill, but of course these things will only work if HE WANTS THEM TO.....I wish you luck keep us posted.

You didn't say how old you are. Age can make a huge difference in how women and men feel fulfilled both sexually and emotionally. Is he exhausted at the end of a day, too tired to put more into it so to speak?

Sexual issues in a marriage, as other have posted, are seldom the real root of a marriage ending. There are usually other issues you haven't been able to address or don't see. "It just seems to be the only reason I might not be able to continue the marriage" makes it clear you are looking to get out. Keep in mind there are three reasons to not get out, your children. Have you sought counseling?

Your spouse obviously wants things to be better or he wouldn't have sought medical help for the PE. Keep in mind he may be feeling inadequate and embarrassed, you have left him before and he knows you were with other men. That only adds to the problem. Adding some spice to the bedroom, delicately of course, with some toys, a movie, even getting online in some cases can help. He can only relate to you if you are honest and gently with him in telling him what you like and how you feel. But don't wait for a fight or when you are in the middle of sex to bring up the issue.

Date nights are a good way to give an extended pleasure to your "three minutes". And not to be gross, but his hands aren't broke, .

I understand completely.

I'm actually going through similar things in my marriage involving separating and seeing another man who fulfills me sexually. I firmly believe it's beyond sex too, it's the intimacy and the arousal, the love....etc. I personally don't get none of those things from my husband but I do from the other man. Sex is just a simple word attempting to explain a boat load of other issues surrounding it. I too have tried everything including sexy lingerie and toys with my husband, but what it come down too was he doesn't appeal to me and emotionally I resent him. Although he is a good father and relatively good provider.

I believe this issue can lead to divorce. People seem to forget that sex and intimacy is just as important to a woman as it is to a man and it means everything when trying to have a bond with your partner.

I hope everything turns out well for you.

We're in our thirties, so I don't think age is an issue. He's not too tired either, he's usually the one initiating. Because I've lost all interest in him because of it being over so fast. Trust me when I say there really are not any other big issues besides this. We're best friends, we get along, we like the same things, we enjoy spending time together etc.
Still I often daydream of what it would be like to be with a more typical man (sorry guys). You know, one that doesn't treat you the best and expects a lot from you, but doesn't give as much in return, but one that you have just crazy, wild, long lasting sex with! And a lot of the time no matter how good I may have it, that seems A LOT better to me!
And as far as making things "better" or "spice them up", I've done it and it actually makes him go even quicker!
I don't know? It's so frustrating and everyday I feel like I moving further and further away from him.