[HALLIEBETH87]

We've been talking for a while. He doesnt like to use the phone s we text message. We met at my sister's wedding (hes my brother-in-laws best friend).

We have gotten togethera few times and each time resulted in some type of sexual activity. This unlike me. I went too far the other night.We are not dating but are pretty close to one another and like each other ( Ithink).

I told him night before last that I needed it to stop. If we were just friends as he tells people then we needed to be just friends. I dont wanna continue and fall for him and have my heart shattered. He finally said hes not lookingto date anyone and I said its cool but we have to be friends for now.

Then I freked out inside and regreted saying anything becauseI dont wanthim to stop talking tome.I stillreally like him. He says hes cool with it and he will male adjustments to make me happy. BUt he says he cant believe I have changed my mind in2days. Yes I was happy. I told him I was happy with things. BUt then I realized.....the last chick he was with just want himaround for sex. Theyd meet and you know and then leave. And I donthimI dontwanttobe placedin that category.

Iknow hes madbut he says hesnot.I had hope we could still talk but he wont really answer texts.

I hope I didnt ruin everything.I suck. I dont like going to far and I did the other ngiht. Iwasnt reayd todo those things,.

[CalmCarl]

You sound like you are being way too hard on yourself. I obviously don't know this guy but the way you talked about his last relationship it sounds like he may just be looking for the action.

I think you were smart to slow things down. See if he is interested in you for more than sex. If he isn't, then it is no big loss because he needs to grow up and you don't need that kind of baggage.

And as a guy who has been on the receiving end of phone calls or texts after a major relationship discussion - don't keep sending them it comes across as needy. Don't give him that satisfaction, stay strong and know that if he is worth it, he will call or text . . . if he doesn't - go find a better guy.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i stopped sending them and he sent one asking what was wrong and asking if he had done seomthingwrong. i told himno. he said if i onlywanted to be friends he 'be a good friend to me' and he would 'make adjustments to whatever to make me happy'. hes basically told me we can be whatever i want and start again. imsoconfused.i dontwantto lose what we had but he sayshe hates that everything has changed now.would you be upset with me?

[AAAAA]

It's important that he respect your boundaries. If he's willing to just be friends and that's what you want then great! You can never have enough friends. But don't make the mistake of doing things you are not ready for in hopes that he changes his mind about the relationship, that rarely happens.

What you had sounded very much like a booty call or friends with benefits. If that's what he's looking for, of course he's unhappy it's not working out for him. If this is to be a healthy relationship, both of you must get something positive from it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i ****ing did it again!

i met up with him to hang out. we were hanging out as frineds. we agreed beforehand nothing butfriends maybe a kiss or two. we went way too far. i said i wouldnt go to backseat with him. we stopped and discussed that neither of know what we want. of course he said he has thought holding back from datin....because im a virgin. he says noguywants to take it b/c its supposedto be special etc i told him thats why i stay single...guys stop talking to me after they find out im a 'virgin' ive done everything but intercourse. wow imwriting thhis listening to johnny cashs inging gospel. anyway i told him i dont want togotoofar. then he kissed me and we started again,doing things we shouldnt. i pushed him away again and said weve got to stop. we finally said nothing between us but friends from here on. then he kissed me again and said we might as well have fun tonight and then from here on out nothing miore. i said no. then i got all sad and said id hoped hes not mad. he said he was aggravted but its was ok. i think its because he didnt get off...

godi suck. he said he thinks its because he thinks it b/c im feel its bad to do that stuff with a 'friend' i told him he was oright. why do i **** up? nowits gonnabe awkward again. iknow he likes me..he even went as farto tell his ex that when she was all talking to him today but i dont think he wants to date me....because of the virignity but then hes wanting to do all this. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AAAAA]

I truly do not want to sound offensive, but this guy doesn't sound like a very good person. He knows you have limitations, says that he'll respect them and you end up going beyond them again. It sounds like he's in it for his own gratification. It sounds like you are confused because you have feelings for him. The reason I say he doesn't sound like a good guy is because he knows all of this, knows you have feelings, limits and says all the right things to make you feel comfortable and then does what he wants anyway. All this without the excuse of being so in love with you he can't control himself. He's got is head on straight, chemistry isn't clouding his judgement and still his interests are his own.

[HALLIEBETH87]

hes a reallyniceguy.idontknow how i fell back into it. i thought we were just gonnameet at the parkand ride and then hed drive on to walmart (he doesnt remember hwere i live) but then hed said hed wait and we could just chat.

ok....so he only textsme...nevercalls. he wants tomeetin apark and ride and startsdoing stuff then i try to back off but he makes it so convincingthen i finally say no and say i have to leave but he gets kinda aggravated. in between all this he says he really cares aboutme but doesnt know it wecan date becauseimtechnically a virgin. he agrees we can just be friends and allbut deepinside i still want tobemore so i keep talking tohim.

whydo i always ****up arelationship.i suck

[AAAAA]

Hallie my dear, this doesn't sound like it ever was a relationship. Or rather not the relationship you appear to have wanted. Sadly it is very common for men/women to say up front they want only a friendship, know you have feelings for them and use those feelings to get what they want then stand back and say "I was honest with you, I only wanted a friendship."

[Typo]

((((((((Hallie)))))))))

Listen to AAAAA, she is right.
This isn't a very nice guy, if he is pressuring you to do things you dont' want to do, you have done nothing wrong here, he should learn to listen when you say no.

Also, the line he is giving you about being a "virgin" is ********, excuse my language, what he is basically saying is I don't want to date you because you won't sleep with me, which is shallow of him to do. There are plenty of nice caring guys out there that will NOT turn you down because you are a virgin.

((((((((((Hallie))))))))))) more hugs for you sweetie

I am so sorry this guy has done this to you, please don't beat yourself up, I know it hurts, but you did nothing wrong sweetie, he was manipulating you, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

Sending lots of hugs and ice cream (because ice cream fixes everything)
Sparrow

[HALLIEBETH87]

he sent me a text and he said and i quote "sorry we went too far last night. it was half myfault. i will try and contain myself better next time. i dont want to lose you friendship. youre a great girl"

i was short and just said dont worry about it. he said "but i do. it was a lot of fun. youre a good kisser".

it was ok but it wasnt too fun for me. i kept saying i needed to go home because i had to work this morning and we didnt need to go any farther. i felt pressured to stay. i finally left though. i could tell he was aggravated and that upset me. I get so confused around him because i say i wont do things and he somehow ends up getting me to. says he likes a good challenge. well i feel like an idiot because i give in then i guess i confuse him. i wish hed just get mad and leave me alone. then i wouldnt **** up again.

[AAAAA]

I'm so sorry, I know how confusing this is for you and how could it not be? The type of "friendship" you describe sound like romance, feels like romance, and acts like romance but he's very clear to make a distinction that there is no romance. Who benefits? You who have an emotional stake in this game or he who is just having a good time?

To me it sounds like manipulation, feels like manipulation and acts like manipulation. Perhaps I'm cynical, but I think he figures if he can keep making you bend more than you're ready for eventually you'll break. You're a challange and he wants to keep you in play until he's through. Continue with this "friendship" carefully, I would really hate to see you get hurt anymore that you already have been. IMO a man with honor would have respected your boundaries long before now, once his toe hit the line he should have made sure he never entered the red zone again.

[HALLIEBETH87]

gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah gah

[RomanSunburn]

Hallie,
Silver and AAAAA are being very honest with you, and I agree with what they're saying. I know that you're in the moment, and you dont wanna lose out on the attention youre getting from him, making it hard for you to get yourself away from this boy. But really, that's what you should do. You have done nothing wrong. You haven't messed anything up. But he is not respecting you. And you deserve to be respected, and to find someone that cares more about you than about getting off. Dont let his aggrivation convince you to do things you dont want to do. He will live and move on. If this boy was worth half as much energy and time you've spent on him, then he'd be ten times more respectful towards you, your limits, and your feelings. Remember, you have done NOTHING wrong!!! He is the one that's out of line!

Take care of yourself

Ro

[HALLIEBETH87]

i guess its just hard for me because i dont knowmuch about relationships. so i even worse at seeing whats really going on in them. im not getting in the position again.

thanks

[AAAAA]

Relationships ARE complicated, but here's a good rule of thumb, if it makes you feel bad, it's not good.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i havent cut off all ties b/c its weird but nows he keeps texting asking if im mad and if were stillf riends if im happy were onlyfriends. hes driving me insane!!!!!!!!

he says he feels like 'ive moved on'. how can i not? i thought i was confusing...he is! i dont know what the **** he wants. i dont talk to him like we did (constantly and sayin i miss him etc) and now hes gonna act like i hurthim. omg

whatever

[AAAAA]

The relationship up to this point has been on his terms. He had an excellent thing going, a great girl giving him attention and he had no responsibility or obligation that he didn't want. Stay strong and keep your boundaries clear.

[HALLIEBETH87]

i will do my bestest

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

i ****ing did it again!

i met up with him to hang out. we were hanging out as frineds. we agreed beforehand nothing butfriends maybe a kiss or two. we went way too far. i said i wouldnt go to backseat with him. we stopped and discussed that neither of know what we want. of course he said he has thought holding back from datin....because im a virgin. he says noguywants to take it b/c its supposedto be special etc i told him thats why i stay single...guys stop talking to me after they find out im a 'virgin' ive done everything but intercourse. wow imwriting thhis listening to johnny cashs inging gospel. anyway i told him i dont want togotoofar. then he kissed me and we started again,doing things we shouldnt. i pushed him away again and said weve got to stop. we finally said nothing between us but friends from here on. then he kissed me again and said we might as well have fun tonight and then from here on out nothing miore. i said no. then i got all sad and said id hoped hes not mad. he said he was aggravted but its was ok. i think its because he didnt get off...

godi suck. he said he thinks its because he thinks it b/c im feel its bad to do that stuff with a 'friend' i told him he was oright. why do i **** up? nowits gonnabe awkward again. iknow he likes me..he even went as farto tell his ex that when she was all talking to him today but i dont think he wants to date me....because of the virignity but then hes wanting to do all this. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn't like you. If he did, he'd do something about it. He thinks your an easy target. You sound like an easy target. Virgin or not, we teach ppl how we want to be treated. And even though you say no, u keep allowing him to go farther and farther. A guy will go as far as he can go if you let him. (that type of guy) He knows he can push the limits. He wants in your pants, that's why he keeps you around. You can tell me alll day long, "that no he doesn't, he likes me" that's what he tells you to keep you around. For heavy petting or whatever, so he can feel good, not to make you feel good. ( I am not trying to be cruel here, but I've come across many guys just like this) They lie. They lie to themselves out loud. If he cared for you, he wouldn't cause you this anguish. In fact he may be the one to stop you in your tracks from that one kiss.

Personally I don't hang out with men, I only date them. It is a very strict rule that they know of me as soon as I start talking with one. Because I have NEVER found one guy as JUST A FRIEND whom didn't want more than that.

[HALLIEBETH87]

youre right. i hate that i make a fool of myself. even worse when i post it on the internet now my friends allknow what i didnt see.

[SICKlySweet]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

hes a reallyniceguy.idontknow how i fell back into it. i thought we were just gonnameet at the parkand ride and then hed drive on to walmart (he doesnt remember hwere i live) but then hed said hed wait and we could just chat.

ok....so he only textsme...nevercalls. he wants tomeetin apark and ride and startsdoing stuff then i try to back off but he makes it so convincingthen i finally say no and say i have to leave but he gets kinda aggravated. in between all this he says he really cares aboutme but doesnt know it wecan date becauseimtechnically a virgin. he agrees we can just be friends and allbut deepinside i still want tobemore so i keep talking tohim.

whydo i always ****up arelationship.i suck

You completely don't suck Hallie. Not at all. You haven't facked up anything.

He is the LOOSER! The Virgin thing is a way of saying it's your fault that I can't be with you in a healthy relationship.

He is weak, he will use what you portray as your own weaknesses against you. That is what weak people do. He will try to put you down so that you feel so horrible about yourself because he can see that you do not have the self-esteem to be strong enough right now. So that you feel like you are the bad person for not meeting his needs.

BUT in Reality thats just it, they're HIS NEEDS. NOT YOURS. In a relationship it takes both people sharing and working with one anothers NEEDS. Not just one or the other.

It is damn hard, I know, I was once dating this guy that told me he couldn't tell ppl that he was seeing someone on FB because of this whole elaborate story that he didn't want ppl congratulating him. It was so he could still look single and flirt and cheat, ect ect. Oh and Honey he was ever soooo sweet. Good Looking, Fit, Charming, Charismatic, Spiritually Connected, Had Sense enough to keep a conversation, yadda yadda yadda. He could never plz me though, it was all about him. And when I was in a bad mood towards him, it was like "what was wrong with me today?" "I need to do some work, be happy" Kept me down so he could control the situation.

Hallie you're a Sweetheart, you need to tell him that you are no longer comfortable with the situation at hand and that you would like him to plz stop txting you, that you are no longer interested.

Hallie he never CALLS you. He doesn't even REMEMBER where you live???? HELLO? He meets you in a park, so what that noone can see you with him?? He likes you sooo much that he can't invite you out with his friends and say hey meet _ _ _ _ _ she's really cool.

C'mon girl, you know you are worth soooo much more than that. That you deserve so much.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I stopped responding to hislittle i miss you and kisses texts. he started asking me last time why. i said

"I am treating you as a friend. We are friends."

he got mad lol and said "well i thought at one time you wanted more" OH and then he said...and this is the great part..lol "i was gonna ask you out but now you dont seem interested.' yeah...after knowing for months that i wanted to date him and always saying we couldnt he suddenly wants to after i move on.

i told him" neither of us were ready to date. we agreed to be friends. therefore we have an establsihed friendship."

I made him mad. he told me i am too moody. that my mood toward him changes every day. i reminded him that i had told him im bipolar. my mood changes a lot and its a part of me. i apologized but told him its a part of who i am.

now his myspace says hes frustrated and ready for a change. well. go ahead josh. change. i dont want to be around him anymore at all. im annoyed. hes gonna turn this around on me. I regret most things we did and especially that I sent pictures. my god im an idiot. ive had mood swings lately. do u think its stress from all this or could i have been a lil not so myself during all of this?

[SICKlySweet]

I would block him from your life. There isn't any friendship here. If you think there is, it's a controlling one. He's controlling it. Bipolar or not, there will ALWAYS be problems, lots of emotional ones. AND he will make sure their ALL YOUR FAULT. He will run you down till there is nothing left. He needs Help. Thats not your job. It is one that he will have to choose. I wouldn't have him on myspace, Fb,anything, if you start to get threats or on-going txts, like kissy kissy shiat, & were not together bcuz of you, u need to get a parent involved or someone who will take that stance for you. (maybe have them call him) Stay Strong don't give in feeling badly for him,and if you do later on, u can just remember to tell yourself that you've been so strong and it was just a weak moment. doesn't matter how old you are. You may need to have your phone number changed.

I don't want to scare you, he just obviously is a real prick (you never know what someone in this state of mind could do ( he may be ill), and I don't want you to get hurt. (worse than what your heart aches now)



P.S. there is Nothing wrong with your mind these last few weeks.Your mind has been telling you that you're working. Red flags have appeared, and that is most likely why it is an on-going chatter of swinging from Should I or Shouldn't I?

[AAAAA]

Definately a good call, I don't know that I'd even remain friends with him. As soon as things were not going the way he wanted suddenly you're moody, he was going to ... X.

You're such a sweetie, you deserve so much better.