How does one REALLY love themself?

So there was a small point when I *thought* I was starting to like myself... I guess it was a figment of my imagination, because it's went poof, gone! Blah!

I was just wondering, I know what it feels like to have good times or good feelings sometimes, but I don't know how it feels to truely LOVE myself. How do you do it? How do you take the steps to truely love yourself? They say you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself, but I do... I love many people, my family, my one friend, my animals, my ex... I love them. I FEEL that love. Yet I can't FEEL it for myself. How?

Sorry, I'm ranting along.

Hmmm, I'm not sure on that one either. What just came to mind is that maybe we need to accept our own "imperfections" the way we accept them in other people. At least that's something I need to work on. I feel like if I'm not good enough for me, no one else will find me good enough. Yet I look at other people with the same things I don't think are good enough in myself, and I find them perfectly acceptable. Makes no sense to me, yet I don't know how to stop doing it.

Sorry, joined you in your rant.

I've noticed that too. It really seems much easier to accept other people than to accept ourselves a lot of the time. My answer to that is for us to accept each other, as we do, and then maybe we could take that a step further and accept ourselves since people whom we respect and whose opinions we value accept us. Who wants to give it a try?

Makes perfect sense... I'm in Rapunzel!

It's hard to accept yourself when no one does it to you, especially, if you're considered different like me in the society you live in. Somehow, I try to belong but when they begin to realize my biggest flaw (effemininity),) most of them in some way reject me.

Bama,
I am working on this in therapy. Liking me, loving me. It go's back to knowing yourself. See, I dont really know myself. Per my T suggestion, I am to journal things about me. My likes, dislikes, opinions, and so forth. Getting to know yourself is a start to loving yourself. I am in the very begining stages of this so that is all I have to offer. Sorry.

I'm in.

My T has me doing the same thing.....

I love myself through giving myself what Albert Ellis calls "Unconditional Self Acceptance" (USA). This has really worked for me. I have found that if I ACCEPT myself, warts and all, as I accept others, that that is how best I can love myself.

Loving myself does not consist of beating myself up over every imperfection or action. I try to separate my actions from my personhood.

Whereas before I would say "I am a stupid person", now I say "I am a person who acted stupidly." I condemn my action but do not condemn my personhood.

Thi has made a HUGE difference for me and has made it ever so much easier to unconditionally accept myself. Does this make sense?

{{{{{{{{{{everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I keep looking back at this thread to see all the people who are here accepting each other. We're all acceptable people, aren't we?

I like the comments about accepting your emotions too. It can be hard when your emotions have been invalidated time and time again. We can do the same thing for ourselves as for our children and others. Recognize the emotion, acknowlege that it is how you feel and that's ok. In fact, it's good because it is a chance to get to know you better. Listen to what it's telling you. Pin down what the emotion is as specifically as possible, and give it a name (try to go beyond happy, sad, angry - there are so many different flavors of all of those broader categories, for example angry could be frustrated, enraged, confused, betrayed, or jealous, etc.).

It is easier to accept yourself when you are around others who accept themselves... it is easier to feel better about yourself when you can surround yourself with ppl who aren't so insecure that they can afford to share good things with you...

(Hi Rap, how're doing today?)

forgive yourself for other's imperfections and let downs. forgive yourself for your own dissappointments. live in today. accept you are human. know that we all die alone. know that it doesn't matter what others think as they dont know. ultimatly i love myself which is a surprise to even me after the years of torment i went though by others and a lot self made crisis, i knew deep down i was a good person that i didnt lie, cheat, steal, i always do the right thing, i love people, i am compassionate and understanding....why should i hate myself....someone has to love me and it should be me, i am who i am because of everything around me. all the curveballs life has thrown me has only made me stronger. i love myself because i know that i did not mess up life, that i did not give in that i did not give up and i love myself because there is no one like me, i am unique just like you or the next person. and its really simple if you are honest, good willed, trustworthy, and considerate. WHY NOT LOVE YOURSELF? Come on....i am seriously not stuck up in anyway, i just recently got a self esteem at all and no i am not manic when i say that i wished the world was filled with more people like me in the aspect of personality traits. That may sound arrogant, not knowing me but it should be a universal belief. Love yourself for being better than the next guy....

thanks for listening to the rambles....

that's a very good post, vulgerlove.......very good.

I haven't checked this thread in awhile, awesome posts mdae by everyone.

My T has me writing down my likes and dislikes about who I am as well and she's also got me keeping a notepad with me at all times and when I tell myself something negative (Ie: You are so stupid! How could you do something that dumb?), to write it down... Same with positive feedback to myself. On both the good traits/bad traits and the comments made towards myself, the negative outweighs the positive. I'm REALLY trying now to love myself, but I can't seem to get more positive traits of me than negative. It's bugging me.

Fayerody!!!
That's a very profound statement by Gloria Steinem....I had never read that before, but it certainly speaks to me in my experiences!
Thanks for the quote!
Seeker

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Love yourself for being better than the next guy...

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It has been my experience that it's not good to compare myself to others because invariably, I'll find someone, maybe even many someones that seem to be better people than I am. It's just best to be ME, accept ME just like I am, and if I don't like something about myself, change it until I am comfortable with it.

I also am in!!! And probably my better half also. We are both working on this.
We love one another deeply but find disgust with ourselves. Go figure huh

{{{{{{{{{{{all of you}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I need to come back and read this thread more often.

How's everyone doing with learning to love themselves? Let's hear some feedback.

Personally, not doing so well... One day I'll feel great, like I can take on the world. But the next day I feel as if the world is crumbling down around me. It really sucks.

Do you have to like yourself in order to love yourself? Last week T asked me how I feel about myself and I tried to go with dislike, and she said that didn't account for how I treat myself, which is more like hate. So I guess this is still pretty far beyond me. I'm still accepting all of you, and I know that you're great people, and still accepting that you accept me. That's where I'm at. How about the rest of you?

I thought I was starting to like myself...

but, Lucy (my inner child.... if she exists ...) can behave very destructively and appears to think otherwise

(((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))

Have any of you read my article in this month's news letter? It's just a beginning, but we all have to start somewhere...

As long as I've been here, I still can't find things easily... Where can I find the newsletter, September? Would love to read it.

Go to "General" and click on that. It's the very first "sticky" at the top; "Discussion for July/August Newsletter."

Remember I'm not a professional, but I've had a long way back to where I am now.