self help or therapy?

I've had very low self esteem almost my entire life. When I was in school, my grades were suffering and I was acting out. The school sent me to a couple of doctors and a therapist to see if there was an issue. They had a meeting with my parents and said that I have extremely low self esteem and it's effecting my school work. I guess at that point my parents should have done something but they never did. I worked a little bit harder to get my grades to passing and continued to feel the way I did.

I've tried to make it better but I can't. I feel like at this point in my life (almost 30) I should feel better but I don't. Actually I feel worse. I've talked to my fiance about it and he thinks I should go to therapy. He thinks the issue is more than he can help with and it might be a good idea to talk to someone. Maybe someone can help me focus my thoughts in a different direction since I can't control them. He also believes that by doing something that uses my creative might be a way to help even though I'm not creative at all. He thinks I'm very creative but I"m not sure where he even gets that from.

Now I'm deciding if I should listen to him or just do it on my own. Maybe get some books and see if I can do it alone. I'm slightly embarassed to go to a therapist. I don't know why but I feel like they will laugh at me or tell me I'm over reacting. I don't even know where to begin or how to find one.

Therapy is self help.
It is self help with assistance

Don't feel embarrased, therapists have heard everything under the sun, and they won't laugh at you. I see a therapist for self-esteem issues, and it is very beneficial. To find one, maybe you could get a referral from your doctor? Seeking therapy is often the hardest part, but once it's done you'll be glad you did. A quote from a book I read - "therapy is for the person who realizes she could be happier, and that the help of a trained professional could help her find that happiness" Talking to someone could help you a lot. If you do decide to seek therapy, I hope you find one who is caring and supportive of you In the mean time, keep writing if it helps xx

One of the hardest things for me to accept was having to concede I needed help. All therapists are not equally effective. Therapy is a cooperative venture. Find one you are comfortable with -- even if you have to try several. Ask the therapist what you can expect from him or her. Ask the therapist what he or she expects from you. You have to be open and honest. If you do not think the therapy is going well, say so. A good result will be achieved only if both of you make therapy work.

Good luck.

Therapists, for the most part, are empathic, thoughtful people, and will not laugh at you or tell you that you are overreacting...they are trained to consider their client's feelings..I feel therapy is a GREAT idea

As far as finding a tehrpaist near you, I searched and found this great website, you can punch in your zipcode, and different therapist's pictures and introductions will come up

http://www.networktherapy.com/

I agree with TheByzantine. Over 34 years of therapy, I have met "good" ones and "bads" ones. All that means is that they either match your style or they don't. My style was highly self-motivated. I would seek out answers to questions I had in books and then sometimes the therapists would provide insights to me that would open the subject up further. But that was just me. If you are burdened with questions about specificly difficult behavior patterns that you have that you have no answers for, then a straight on direct approach with a therapist may be the best approach for you. It is highly individual.

My first therapiist (God help her) hardly every spoke three words during the entire hour we were together. But she listened to me talk. But when she did talk, it mattered. I guess that was the point.

Most people here will tell you that seeking out a T (therapist) will tell you it's a difficult process that takes time. You have to find the right fit. But it's worth the time spent.

As far as ways to find a therapist, this is another website that is pretty popular among professionals and you will likely find a good T here:

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/

Also, if there is a university nearby with a psychology grad department, they may have suggestions for good therapists that have come from their program and are practicing in the area. You can look up the nearby university, and then "psychology," "counseling center," or "psychological services center." First, you may be able to see an intern for very cheap this way. If you'd prefer not to see a newbie, you can ask them for a referral and they are usually very helpful!

I also agree with the others -- the fit is of the utmost importance. If you decide to go to therapy (I would recommend it, it's very helpful!), shop around, find a T that fits, ask them to explain HOW they helped people like you in the past, what therapy will look like, how long it will take -- ask TONS of questions. I know this is not easy.. I have low self-esteem too and I am so afraid of looking stupid sometimes.. but think about what you're looking for -- think about how you'd like life to be different -- write down all the questions you can think of ahead of time -- a good therapist will readily and happily answer all of your questions. In fact, therapists LIKE it when people ask questions, very much! They want to do their jobs well and they want you to feel comfortable, and they are relieved when they don't have to read your mind to figure out where you are confused.

I know it's difficult to make the first step in going to see a therapist. I felt the same way when I went to therapy for the first time. But it wasn't long until I very much looked forward to seeing my therapist. It becomes a very safe place where you are free to say whatever you need to say with no ramifications and no judgment. Your therapist will help you find new ways of looking at things, will have good tips for the here-and-now, and will help you understand where your feelings come from. Good therapy improves relationships, promotes self-awareness and insight, gives you coping skills for difficult emotions, and overall helps you feel better about yourself. Although sometimes therapy can be painful, for the most part it feels good to have a mentor who really listens to you and wants to help you overcome what's troubling you.

A therapist will not laugh at you or tell you you're overreacting. If your T laughs at you or minimizes your problems, find a new one immediately!

If you decide to do self-help, there is a REALLY good self-help book called "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life." Best of all, you can join a listserv meant for people reading this book here: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/act_for_the_public

The author of the book and others who specialize in the approach will actually respond to some of the posts here!!

Hope this helps.

Everyone is creative; I started feeling better working with Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way http://www.rambles.net/cameron_artist.html

But I also had 18 years of therapy with the same therapist between 1978 and 2006 :-)

I am a self help book person myself. I have no other option though. My zip code is 96799 and I live on an island and no therapists here. I get a lot of good information from self help books though. I just read Buddha's Brain and The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion.
Good stuff ~ Shoe

I like a therapist to give me lots of homework, preferably written assignments. Working through a book together, in the form of doing the book work with the therapist as a guide, would also work well for me. In my case, the therapist is a necessary tool, but I am the one doing the work. For this reason, any competent therapist willing to work with me by these methods will suit me. I am not one to get soooo attached to any one therapist that I would be lost if he/she left.