How do you like your looks?

Kristy,

some guys marry plain looking girls in the hopes of lowering the chance of their future wives' taking off with another man.

Female here... Not attracted to muscley buff guys. I go for the geeky/creative/intellectual/down to earth types. Like to hike and canoe and ski so being able to do that is important. But I think the gym is a waste of time. Go outside and have fun. That way you exercise your mind and body at the same time. An "exercised" mind and spirit is way more interesting then an iron man. Not a pick up line just saying... And I'm not alone.

have you ever been to McDonalds? Noticed their staff wearing uniforms? The same with models and actresses - they have a job and they create the image as per their job description. The difference is in that McDonald's uniforms are not customized.

I actually saw a photo of Taylor Swift without makeup, and, I must say, she is rather good looking... even with some tenderness to her face. In makeup though, she looks preposterous and best resembles a peacock.

The people paying their salary are creating the image. The most popular models don't generally have any outstanding features for this reason. They aren't supposed to "look" like anybody until they make a name for them-self. Tell somebody they have to tweak this and that and no you aren't what we want all the time really does a job on your esteem unless you are really, really confident. At 18 these girls are usually going to be that confident.

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Wow. Thank you for sharing this video. It actually made me tear up a bit lol

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Really interesting. I got a taste of this in an early drawing class. Draw your face in a mirror paying close attention to contours. If you can get
"In zone" you will be surprised at the result.

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Thanks so much for this! It is so true and so sad that we are all so hard on ourselves.

I always think that I look great, even when I don't

My looks mean everything to me honestly.

I'm very obsessed with how I look, I've also thankfully realized that there's clear double standard between the way I see myself and the way I see others. I'm very forgiving when it comes to others, but I pick out the most minor flaws in me, even non-existent ones and feel horrible about it.

Sometimes I think I look exactly like I want to, other times I think i'm really ugly. My day depends on what I feel about my looks in the morning.

Biggest problem is that I think I'm TG and I feel terrible when I don't feel i look feminine. (I'm a guy).

See, this always blows my mind. Not you in particular Hannabee, but women in general. It seems like it's some kind of defense mechanism ingrained when women are young; it's easier to set up a self-defeating view so that if anyone contradicts your view, it won't hurt.

What gets me most is denying what everyone says. Just ignoring compliments and reinforcing a deluded view.

Heck, it's sooooo rare for me to get anything but negative compliments about my appearance that I sit around wishing someone would say something nice about how I look. It's almost frustrating when people brush compliments aside.

I don't think it is defense. I think it is media and centuries of culture. Ironically, if there was more emphasis on what women can achieve outside of looking pretty we could be better able to take a compliment. But even Hillary Clinton with all her work in foreign affairs, politics still gets criticized for things like shopping for high end clothing.

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I don't like my looks!

People have always told me that I am ugly. It is what I think about when I meet someone or am around people. Always.

I have often been pleasantly surprised at ordinary looking people. Men and women, for me it is more interesting and attractive than cultural "designs" of the moment. I have been like this most of my life.

I don't follow Hillary, but just on the surface of it, this kind of criticism has nothing to do with her looks and everything to do with her spending habits. I think that her spending habits are private to her and not anybody's business, but she can't hide what she wears so her spending habits have become public.

Character is more important than "perfect" features. An interesting character will shine through one's face, and thus makes a person memorable and arresting. A physically "perfect" face with no character inside is insipid and forgettable. Interesting people have faces that stay with you, regardless of the physical flaws.

She was criticized for buying high end women's business wear. If you are on the campaign trail or in public office you want high end business for very practical reasons. What male politician is criticized for buying high end suits? I'm sure there are quite a few custom tailored politicians. She didn't even do that. She's a target because she is female and we all know women have nothing better to do.

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I don't care what I look like. I used to try to the best of my ability and budget, when I was playing drums in a local cover band, but one day (March2nd last year-it's stuck in my head, I showed up for a gig thinking I looked pretty cute in an ironic hipster kind of way, and our lead singer said to me, "Could you get any more slobby?" It just really hurt, and I felt Ike I was trying my best to fit into the "scene". I quit the next day.

Then I quit dying my hair (hey, I EARNED this grey), started cutting it shorter to get the color transition over with faster, and after losing my dog grooming job (because of a meltdown at work), decided to cut it short enough that all I have to do is get out of the shower, scrub it with a towel, and blow-dry. It's not ugly. It does look strange if I put on make-up now since I look more male than female, so I don't know what to do about that. I feel a title bit sorry for my husband that he has such a plain wife to see and be seen with, but he had barely looked at me in so long I don't even remember anyway. And never had a compliment for me (other people did, but not him) when I was trying to look cute, so why bother?

I find the post above ironic, because I think the reason my husband has ZERO sexual interest anymore is because he feels bad about his hair and muscle loss, which are just things that happen with age. He's also insecure about our lack of income, which is really my fault for losing all my jobs.
The overall effect of being rejected by him in that way has been devastating to my psyche. He loves me, and I can tell that he does, and back when I tried to look cute, I got lots of offers (but from other guys -and girls- never from him). All I can deduce from this is that there is something so repulsive about me that he just can't get past it.

So I don't try anymore. Not getting offers from outside my marriage diminishes the pain of never having an offer within it, and only NOT being rejected when I tried to initiate (which was several times a week) maybe 30 times in the last 6 years! So now I just don't care. I don't offer. I can't even "take care of it myself" anymore, because knowing that My own husband doesn't want me pops into my head and ruins it, so now I just cut myself instead. I relieve my frustration and punish myself for being unacceptable at the same time. Two birds-score!

Unfortunately, the sense of sexual frustration and rejection have now followed me into my dreams... There's not even a story-line or pictures in the dreams, just this overwhelming sense that I'm not deserving of even the most basic biological comforts. If I can figure out that I'm dreaming, I wake up just to get away from it. This morning it was 4:30.

So I guess I look gross, but I feel like I'm pretty normal... Maybe I don't have nice things, but I'm reasonably fit, a little pouchie after having birthed 6 live human being individually, but pretty decent overall. Is it possible to have a dysmorphic disorder where you think you look BETTER than you actually do? I mean, I'm a little dumpy, I guess, but I've seen much worse...

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Up until some 6 months ago, I was satisfied with my looks, even with aging.
However, after 4-6 mos of lithium, I lost 75% of my hair! which will never be same as it was. My skin has suffered greatly as well.

In short, I look like c**p and I know it! I can't change it.
I am unhappy with my looks. A first in my lifetime.

I am now getting to a point were I am mostly positive about how I look.

When I was growing up, my family was the type to encourage me to go to school, be smart, not depend on a guy, etc,. I was told I looked like my mom who IS considered attractive but was never told I was pretty, attractive, cute or any such terms when I was growing up. The only times I was, was when I asked my folks was I ugly…They just told me I wasn't ugly and that was it.

I wasn't told I was attractive by anyone so when a few stupid boys at my middle school called me ugly it hit hard. I had nerdy interests, wasn't terribly outgoing and I wasn't that fashionable. According to them, my hair wasn't straight enough, my clothes were ugly, my eyebrows were too thick…and since my grades weren't even all that high at that time, I couldn't even take solace in being "smart." Even though teasing waned around 9th grade and I was cool with those people I couldn't help but notice that I never got male attention. I made a few changes in my appearance and wasn't called ugly anymore but the damage was done. I still felt totally hideous and inadequate. If any guy ever showed interest at all I assumed he was making fun of me.

That feeling did go away little by little over the years through college even though insecurities remained. What I have done to improve my self esteem in the last few years are the following:

1 - I dress in styles that enhance my body and features. I take care of my skin, hair and body in ways that enhance the health and appearance of me. I don't care if certain looks or features are "in style" or palatable to others. This is what I have to work with, I'm not changing it so I'm going to work what I have. I am on the thin side and in my culture that is NOT always a positive thing but in wearing things that I enjoy, I finally feel better about how I look.

2 - I mainly engage in media that is made to positively reference traits I have. Example: I don't like revealing clothes made for "well endowed" girls so I look at vintage styles that are more to my taste and a variety of body types. I have thick frizzy hair naturally so instead of lamenting on why it can't stay straight I look at photos and surround myself with positive representation of people with hair like mine. I have certain values in life so I surround myself with people who uphold those same values.

Everything else is acknowledged and I don't put other people down (or try not to) but I take those influences with a grain of salt. Also, if you engage in enough media long enough it will shape what you like. I was going through a stint of looking at antique and vintage dresses so much that I have minimal desire to partake in contemporary fashion. So be aware of what you are seeing, it matters more than you think.

3 - I make an effort to do things that I enjoy even if I THINK that others may not approve. When I started getting into wearing my hair naturally big and curly, I think that was the first step in improving my self esteem. It was something I had control over. I was paranoid and thought that people may laugh at me or make snide comments. When I did stop wearing my hair straight, most people actually liked it. Some people even copied my styles. The few people who didn't agree with it either didn't say anything or I made it clear that I was doing what I wanted. I basically took that logic into other areas of my life.

I used to be obsessed with how much I hated the way I looked. I don't know how to be happy with my own appearance, but I've learned to stop caring, and that helps. The way you look is something you can only change to an extent. Sure, I could lose weight, or wear makeup, or change my hair, etc. but it won't really change much. So, I just don't care. I don't care if people think I'm ugly, or pretty because I can't change that. I just wake up every day and try to make myself look the best I can. I put on clothes that make me feel good, and put on some makeup, and get on with my day.