[Rapunzel]

Went back to the old house today to get some of the stuff that I want to have up here. It was so overwhelming, and has been every time I've been there. I feel like I ought to have managed it better, and gotten something done last time I went there, ... And I think that I have used up all of my help vouchers too. I get there and just fall apart. I wander around aimlessly and cry.

I'll post more in the morning. I am too tired, but I could really use some support right now.

Thanks,
Rap

[lenjan]

(((((Rap)))))) it's a long drive, and you're doing it by yourself. There's only so much one person can do in one trip! That doesn't make you worthless and incompetent at all, it makes you a normal human being.

You did the best you could and there is nothing to be gained by looking back and wishing you'd done it differently. What's done is done, and you accomplished your goal, right? You got the family moved. That's a positive thing too.

Hang in there, gf.

Love, Candy

[Rapunzel]

People have helped, but I *feel like I* stink at directing them to what I want done, and I *feel like I* just get in the way, so it doesn't get done the way I want. The focus needed to be on making the house look decent to show it, but they fixated on putting stuff in boxes. Now there are boxes everywhere (unmarked and full of junk that I needed to throw away) and garbage scattered all over, and shelves didn't get cleaned as the stuff was packed. They threw away things I wanted to bring to the new house, and packed things I don't want, and *I feel like* it is all my fault because I *feel like I* was worthless at explaining what I wanted.

This time DH went down too. I wanted him there to see what needed to be done still, and also I wanted him to go through his stuff (which still hasn't been hardly touched in probably almost the two years we lived there), and identify what he wants and what he doesn't. But we left the kids at the new house and needed to get back to them, so all we managed was to grab a few of the things we have been wanting to have up here, and the house looks no better than it did. I think I need to be going down there at least every other weekend to work on it, and I'd better not ask for any more help because I *feel like I* don't handle that very well.

I may just take my dog with me though, for company. I feel so lonely and lost and disconnected when I go down there. I mostly need people to come and help because I need the contact with somebody, but I *feel like I* need to get the work done myself, and I (am) *feel like* a disorganized mess.

Now I am going to go back and add "feel like" and try to reframe some of my absolutes - Sky, thanks for that hint. Okay, that was a bunch of edits (marked with * around the edits). I guess I really do have a tendency to see the negative stuff about myself as absolutes too.

(((((((((Candy))))))))))) Thanks for the validation! Yes, the family is moved. I just wish the whole job were done and done properly, and the house sold (but I don't blame anyone for not buying it the way it is right now) and we could relax and enjoy it.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))))))))

[Rapunzel]

((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))

[Wants2Fly]

(((((((((((((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))))))))))

[Rapunzel]

((((((((((((((((((Wants2)))))))))))))))))))

[Perna]

Moving is very hard work. I think working through things while trying to move, some of the "job" is the working through. You can't confront the feelings (whether they're comfortable or not) without the experience. It sounds to me like you're doing the work the best you can. You took DH along, that was smart (not incompetent -- you know what you, yourself need and are asking for it and that's good!). I liken streaks of bad times like I do with when I have trouble caring for myself; not bathing often enough, sleeping too long, having trouble doing dishes and clothes laundry, don't work on my projects but just veg out in front of the TV for hours at a time, etc. Eventually things shift and I feel a bit better or something comes along and gets me back on track, etc. It takes time to work things through and one set of bad days doesn't make up one's whole existance but only a single experience. Put it in perspective? Look at how it will seem this time next year? Things change (thank goodness).

[Rapunzel]

How it will seem a year from now will depend on whether we manage to get that house sold. If we don't, we'll be deep in hot water (or worse). That house weighs on me even when I'm not there. I just don't realize it so much until I go there.

For some reason, when I go to work, or to school, I manage to forget about the house and feeling worthless and all that personal stuff. I am fine when I am out doing something else. But when I am home I am so tired and I wish that I could just sit around and hide, or sleep, or escape into a book and/or bubble bath.

Most of the time, anyway, it is that way. Today it was that way. A few weeks ago, when I was just learning about some of the things that were part of my job, I did get overwhelmed there too, and I felt like quitting and finding another job that would be easier. I did make myself go anyway though, and it is turning out fine.

[lenjan]

Rap, I think that is pretty normal. A lot of our problems benefit from structure. I know for a fact depression does. Like you, I can be fine as long as I'm busy, but I get in trouble with time on my hands. I've never figured out how to reconcile that, because just by nature, I require a lot of time to myself -- even though oftentimes it's the worst thing for me.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Candy

[Irine]

ho GOD i understand you! i had-and now have LESS-those feelings of worthless, of "i could have mannaged i better"

i remember thinking of it and trign to figure out:
WHY i don`t do things ON TIME??!!
(with blame)
WHY otheres do it and i don`t?!!!
WHY and why and why i -used to blame myself, hate myself, getting overwhelmed....and also of course HATING myself.
i don`t know if you have it but lots of falks with a low self asteem have it..or ppl who just have am problem-we are ALL havign some "trouble" with our self asteem...it` somehting that comes from being raized in this society.
"...so WHY????"

BECASUE YOU BALME YOURSELF!!
what i found out reacently is that i don`t function as efficiently as i would like to do things BECASUE of all those overwhleming feelings! so they are not only something you don`t like to feel-they are actually an obstacle...
we feel exausted after we are overwhelmed don`t we?

so i think relaxation and meditation does good for people like us. becasue we are also physically tired..
we should remember, like people here said, that we are FIRTS of all human beings and ONLY THEN workers, husbadns, wives, etc. and if we want to funcion our best-we need all the power we can have-now the overwhelming and self judgment and self loathing are really bad both for the spirit and for the body.

so what i recommend except for meditation is:
remember that blame won`t change the present and you have the choice-it in OUR hand whether we let those obstacles make us fail!

hope everyhting truns out fine