[Fuzzybear]

I personally find labels beyond unhelpful. So many times people pick out the flaws in themselves and others (I've done it myself). Why not look for the good? Everyone has so much good in them, especially those who post in this forum . Do you think we are too hard on ourselves? Would you call a dear friend some of the names you call yourself? And where do the negative labels you call yourself come from? From abusers and bullies. Don't give them the power (they are so far from the powerful beings they may perceive themselves as )

Love,
Fuzzy


I am caring and compassionate.

Please add to this thread, name one or more of YOUR good qualities

[Mike_J]

Labels are great for cereal boxes but not so much for people.

And yes we are too hard on ourselves, we tend to be our own worst critics.

I will tell you the same thing my therapist keeps telling me "be kind to yourself"

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

And where do the negative labels you call yourself come from? From abusers and bullies.

My conditioning to be hard on myself and develop an inner Critic came from my parents first and then from others a little later on. The problem that people have with this ugly, self abusing pattern is that, since their own parents started it, they do not dare go against what their parents said for FEAR of being punished or they love and respect their beloved parents SO MUCH that they prefer to go along with what their dear parents said and so they feel comfortable continuing with the abusive PROGRAMING mommy & daddy fed them. It's a weird situation where some of us don't dare challenge our early programing OR we love and respect it - even if it is DESTRUCTIVE!
That brings up the deeper issue = how to undo bad programming and replace it with better programming?
I have noticed that many people seem to want to feel and think better BUT they either don't dare or they settle for what they have after a few feeble attempts to change their inner programming. I've often wondered why so many people CANNOT change and I have come to believe that they are simply STUCK with either fear or mindless allegiance to those who programed them. In sharing meetings, I actually heard people saying that they are AFRAID their parents will come out of the grave to PUNISH them for exposing their ugly family secrets at the meetings!
What is troubling for me is how often we see messages like: Be kind to your self, have some self respect, bring back that loving feeling, etc. BUT rarely any information on exactly HOW to do it! It seems that the "how to" is the most important yet seldom offered part of any teaching and I would recommend that anybody, who wants to change or whatever, needs to put a lot of time and effort into the "how to" side of things - like learning to play the piano. I won't learn to play a piano in a week-end or at a two week workshop yet many believe they can overcome bad programing with just a few sessions at the therapist's office or by getting a few tips at a forum! For me, it took a LOT OF WORK!
love,
jim


I am caring and compassionate.
I help where I can.

Please add to this thread, name one or more of YOUR good qualities Fuzzy

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

And yes we are too hard on ourselves, we tend to be our own worst critics.

Yes, that is how I was programed to be by my parents and older brother!

I will tell you the same thing my therapist keeps telling me "be kind to yourself"

Did your T ever explain exactly HOW to be kind to your self?
For me the "how to" is the critical point and, since I have done a lot of work to change my early programing, I will offer a few how to's here.
First, I went into therapy, counseling and 12 step support groups to confront and CHANGE the rotten programing my parents and other installed in me when I had no defense. I read many books about Self Talk [google it] and attended some workshops on Self Esteem [google it] and Inner Child Work [google it], bought a collection of tapes by Jack Canfield [google him] and worked and worked and worked at changing the destructive programing my parents and others put in me. I did Mirror Work [google it], Self Talk, wrote in 100s of journals, wept for about a year straight, lots and lots of ANGER work [google it] and ever so many other things to somehow BREAK the hypnotic spell of my rotten programing.
I discovered from the very beginning that, if I were going to get free of the filth my parents put inside of me, it would be a serious struggle BUT each effort led me to another stepping stone on the way up the hill of recovery and freedom from my early parental programing and, since I was not in love with nor committed to my very dysfunctional parents, it was pretty easy to go against them and their insanity to find freedom. I imagine anyone who is in love with their parents will find it nearly impossible to go against their beloved parents to unload the rotten crap their parents dumped inside of them.
There is a lot more I could say about the "how to" of changing childhood programing but there isn't enough space in a forum to do it so take these tips and get started changing the crap you were given as a defenseless child.
I'd love to read about your journey back to mental health and the "how tos" that you used along the way.
good luck,
jim

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I personally find labels beyond unhelpful. So many times people pick out the flaws in themselves and others (I've done it myself). Why not look for the good? Everyone has so much good in them, especially those who post in this forum . Do you think we are too hard on ourselves? Would you call a dear friend some of the names you call yourself? And where do the negative labels you call yourself come from? From abusers and bullies. Don't give them the power (they are so far from the powerful beings they may perceive themselves as )

Love,
Fuzzy


I am caring and compassionate.

Please add to this thread, name one or more of YOUR good qualities

I care about everyone... (except that lousy FedEx driver who tried to run me over in the crosswalk yesterday & then yelled: "F... Y..." as she sped by.) Her, I can do without!

Also, although I often feel like giving up, there seems to be some mysterious force inside me that keeps driving me on...

Fuzzybear!!!

[ECHOES]

I do this, labeling (judging). My therapist wonders why I punish myself like this, when I direct it toward myself. And what fears this behavior is about.

For example, this behavior of labeling others keeps me isolated, socially and at work. I am telling myself it is too scary to go 'out there' - I mean, my gosh, look at all the horrid people 'out there'! Who would want to put themselves in that place?

Judging/labeling myself negatively ("too old, too fat, too boring, etc) tells me that no one will like or accept me, so why even try. And that keeps me isolated, keeps me "safe" from risking being rejected (as well as being accepted, because that can be equally frightening and anxiety-provoking, right?).

We are deep and complex. We can't stop behaviors until we resolve and understand their meanings and origins.

______________________
I am kind and thoughtful.
‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾‾

[LifeIsCruel]

Guilty!!!

I do it!!!!

I label all others as acceptable and myself as inadequate, insecure, and inferior.

A lot of the time I label myself too harshly. I'm only just now seeing how to stop doing that.
I've always been labeled since I was young, and I was bullied in school, from pre-Kindergarten all the way up until my junior year of high school when I dropped out in March. Even with all the mistreatment I've gone through and all the bad names I've been called, I'd still say that I'm the very person who's the most cruel toward myself. I'm trying to fix this but it's hard when you have these ingrained beliefs about yourself and who you are. It feels like trying to be in a religion whose god you're not entirely sure you believe in. So yes, I tend to label myself pretty negatively.

[DarrenPH]

Labels are a necessary part of being human, in the OP it was mentioned "why we can't look for the good in people". If you see someone as good then you are labeling that person as good. Are labels good/bad is the wrong question, the question should be how can we make labels work for us instead of against us.

I was bullied all through school too, I was in my mid 20's before I reversed the damage that was done. The negative labels you're giving yourself is your self talk. I found the negative labels I gave myself disappeared as my self esteem grew, check out my response to another thread on the single biggest thing I did to improve my self esteem and change my inner self talk from mainly negative to mainly positive.

I'm unable to post links at the moment, you can find my response in the thread 'Is It Possible?' in 'Steps-to-better-self-esteem'. When I'm able to I'll revisit this thread and change the link.

[hamster-bamster]

Of course I do. I call jerks jerks, manipulators manipulators, cowards cowards, etc.

Calling a spade a spade, no?

Yes, I do, especially myself. I'm sure I must have good qualities but there is this core of doubt that I'm afraid is never going to go away. It was so deeply ingrained in me from childhood that I fear it's permanent. I don't think I'll ever have true self esteem or confidence inn myself.

[Fuzzybear]

Do you think that any of these may sometimes be your opinion, rather than The Only True Reality?

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Of course I do. I call jerks jerks, manipulators manipulators, cowards cowards, etc.

Calling a spade a spade, no?

[Fuzzybear]

I was just saying yesterday to a good friend how I (still and probably always will ) feel this deep (core of) self doubt from repeated abuse and neglect in the FOO (family of origin)

Originally Posted by George H.

Yes, I do, especially myself. I'm sure I must have good qualities but there is this core of doubt that I'm afraid is never going to go away. It was so deeply ingrained in me from childhood that I fear it's permanent. I don't think I'll ever have true self esteem or confidence inn myself.

[Fuzzybear]

btw I view very few people as "all good" or "all bad". That's utter bullcrap IMO.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Do you think that any of these may sometimes be your opinion, rather than The Only True Reality?

They are opinions based on facts. I analyze facts, notice patterns, and make judgments.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Labels are great for cereal boxes but not so much for people.

And yes we are too hard on ourselves, we tend to be our own worst critics.

I will tell you the same thing my therapist keeps telling me "be kind to yourself"

[Alter]

I feel like im broken, i will never be fixed, im not worthy of anything i feel inferior to other people because they live they're lives they study or work and i can't do anything, i am nothing i have nothing.

Once i spoke with a friend once about girls and i told him i had no interest in trying to get a girlfriend, i know that no one will accept what i truly am and how i truly feel, i hide everything from others like i was always wearing a mask i can't talk about my past with people i don't trust but even if i had the courage to speak about it no one would want to date someone like me.

He told me that i was someone valuable, he spoke of my qualitys as a friend how i always been there when he needed i was someone he could trust me with anything, among other things he even made me feel like i was the best person in the world for a moment. But the truth is that i know that i am like a broken watch, i can't show the hours i'm just useless and that is how i see myself, i don't know anyone worse than me everyone is better than me.

[allme]

So much pain..

maybe lets try listing our good points like Fuzzy suggested?

I am caring, loving, fun and generous.....there!! Felt nice to say something nice about myself

Thanks Fuzzy

[-jimi-]

I judge others very harshly inside my own mind. Their first problem is the lack of fur and whiskers. I have a hard time getting past that.

But even if I do, I screen people a lot, and the more I see them want to be "like everyone else" the worse I feel about them, well of course I feel even worse about people who hurt others.

But that is a thing coming from inside myself and maybe what I'm doing is trying to find another me? (Which of course is impossible...)

I try to stay positive with people, I don't see any point putting others down. And no matter if people are different from me, they still deserve a good life. But also I know some types of people drive me mad so I need to stay away from them, the same I drive others mad I guess... most people in fact.

[XSleepingSiren21X]

No, I don't like to label myself or others, even if we together are labeled anyways. To people I know I'm labeled, but I don't like it.

In my opinion a label is just a term for society to call us in order to segregate us from each other and I don't like that. I don't like when people let themselves be labeled by throwing it out every which way like it's a style to say:

"Hey! I'm one person that is just like all the others who relate to me".

To me it's just a word to call yourself, it shouldn't define how you live. Yes, to some that word is their considered lifestyle but still, it's not what tells you what you are.

I can't see how I can be labeled, only because I have so many different things I like. People can say I'm goth because I like the darker side of life, but they can call me emo too because I'm depressed and self-harm sometimes, or I'm scene because I like skinny jeans, converse, dyed hair. All together I'm just everything or anything. What kind of label would you consider me then?

Lifestyles and interests don't deserve to be labeled just so it's 'easier' for someone to define. Your an individual, your unique, just because your lifestyle, personality, behavior, interest...ect. matches someone else in relation, doesn't mean you need to consider yourself the same as them.

You have a personal identity, not like anyone else. Be proud your not like everyone in the world, you have a different mind set, different goals, different things to cope with that some people don't have. You're different, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Use your ability to acknowledge yourself for what YOU like, believe, perceive, and know as a skill that proves your one of a kind.

[thylacine492]

Labeling is completely natural and has been done for centuries, throughout history it has always been us(humans) vs everyone else(subhumans). Society hates, and always will, outsiders and anything different. This explains bullying as it is 'destroy anything that isn't similar to me'. I've never had a bullying problem so I don't know what it's like to have others tell me I'm worthless, but on the opposite side of that the only thing I see positive about myself is my intellect.

[Webgoji]

You bet a label myself. It's the only way I can make sense of things. Otherwise I would wander around in a constant state of confusion and not know why things happen.

I mean seriously. If something happens over and over, then I'm a factor in it. To understand it I have to put a name to it.

Am I stupid? Of course not. Am I as brilliant as people say? Of course not either. I've been around brilliant people. So ... [label] I'm not the sharpest tack in the box, but [label] I'm a harder worker than those sharp tacks.

Am I handsome? No. I could get a compliment if I did. So ... [label] I'm unattractive, but [label] I'm a noble and upstanding man.

So yeah, I use labels just to try to help me understand things.

[angelene]

I'm judgmental of others but, sadly, IMO they often deserve the negative labels. This includes myself: there are many and varied things that are "wrong" or "bad" about me.

But to try to turn this thread back around to its original course:

I'm intelligent and funny.