Horrible self esteem.

Hi. I'm a new member here. I have a horrible self esteem. When I get out of my house to go to school, my mind goes on "wondering about what people are thinking about me" mode ASAP.
I walk to the bus, I'm wondering if some guys are saying I look ugly or something. I go on the bus, I'm wondering what the bus driver thinks, what the people on the bus are thinking. Then when I step off the bus, I am wondering still.
I then enter onto the train and it becomes even worse. I'm thinking, "does that person want to sit next to me", "does that guy think i'm ugly", "why did he turn his back when he saw me", "how does my face look", "is my face oily".
Then halfway to my school, I know that my face looks different. I just assume that is oily. When i go onto teh other train, I see school kids. I feel they ignore me because they think I am really unattractive. I do talk to some of them, but not all of them.
I'm not going to say I look ugly all the time, but I think I look ugly most of the time. If I feel I look pretty, someones face expressions or my assumptions will change it.
I have guy friends, but not a lot. I am a very quite person in school and have been called a loser. I think it;s because I am really quite. I think I am a nice, cool person. I told my guy friend that I think I'm ugly and he told me I was not. My cousin and family members told me that I am pretty. Sometimes I do get compliments, but I never take it serious because someone might be there to ruin my day or at least I think so.

if someone calls me ugly, I will dwell on that more. I feel that my looks change so constantly and I hate that. I believe if I did not know God as my personal savior, I would want to die. THank God I do not have the courage to kill myself. I just wish I looked pretty all the time!! I get so stressed about my face every hour of the day. Every hour or 2 hours(after early class), I head straight to the bathroom. I have to see how I look. I have to wipe my face. It's getting quite annoying. I am 16 and am a Junior in higschool. I also am smart, but since I cam to highscool, I've had a really average GPA. I am trying to bring it up this semester. I'm a female by the way.

Sorry for such a long post, but I just had to type this out.

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highschool2 said:
Then halfway to my school, I know that my face looks different. I just assume that is oily.

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Hi, highschool! Welcome to PsychCentral. One thing it took me many years to learn was that you can assume anything you want. It's all "made up" unless you ask the other people individually and they tell you what they're thinking, because we can't read minds!

So, start assuming good things about yourself. Start assuming the boys notice you because you look good and got their attention :-) Big stretch so start smaller. Practice smiling at people and trying to make them smile back and count smiles :-) After a bit, you'll realize that you're actually feeling friendly, so that makes you a friendly person! Someone asks abour your good attributes, you're a friendly person! Even before you feel that way, you will be trying to get people to smile and feel good so you're a nice, kind person just for trying!

You do okay in school? Like a subject or two? That probably makes you "intelligent". No fair comparing yourself with anyone else; you aren't anyone else, you're you and there are always people more X than us and less X than us. As best you can, reel in your thoughts about other people and what they're thinking and concentrate on you and what you want and are trying to do.

If you want to have good self esteem, you have to know and make friends with yourself. To do that you have to treat yourself as you would treat a friend; no putting yourself down or being negative about yourself. If someone compliments you, you say "thank you!" and leave it. You don't say, "it was nothing" or "this old thing?" because they like your sweater or something you're wearing (or your nice smile :-)

The way to good self esteem is from a position of "I" want to help the other guy feel good about themselves. Compliment yourself and other people. Look for good things in you and them. If you like something, tell whoever! But be sincere, don't do it just to get brownie points. Look at the bus driver, smile and thank him/her as you get off. It's actually a lot of fun to notice how many people you can "notice" that you don't normally; service people doing jobs. They're just like us only we make them "invisible" like part of the surroundings (the bus driver becomes part of the bus instead of a "person"). Other people are doing that to us too if we don't notice ourselves and figure out a way to "say" -- "Hey! Here I am!" Your smile and a few thank you's could do that. And, when other people smile back, that makes you feel good and your self esteem goes up "naturally" just because you feel good.

Smile at mothers pushing their babies in strollers, notice the mother as well as the baby and say something inane like, "Oh, what a cute baby!" We get our self esteem from ourselves but it's a "reflection" of how we are in the world. If we're "invisible" then we feel invisible and "wish" others were thinking of us so get in the whole, "I wonder what they think" thing which can be so painful/scary. That's a fantasy because it's an endless loop from inside our head; we're not getting any feedback in one way or another. Create some good feedback and your self esteem will go up. Eventually you'll know intuitively that you're a good egg and the inside loop will be positive instead of negative.

I agree with Perna, think positive things and try to be cheerful. pm me if you need to talk anytime.