Horrible Day...

It's so frustrating. my mom is being a total b^&$#. my life is racing in my head and i want to cut again. it sucks. this is what happened..well...
I woke up this morning i guess half asleep to get ready to go to church. My mom's like screaming at me while i have this horrible back pain to get my ***** out of bed. Well, i finally got out of bed for like the sixth time she called me out and i went in the shower. I then got out, and we went to church. We came back, and we are having family over today for my brithday. Anyways, my mom says to clean up around the house and so i agreed to do it. I then started to get real frustrated because she tells me to clean the family room and my room at the same time. i share a room too and my little sister wont help clean up. and it was a mess! So, i started yelling, crying, and screaming and cursing toward my mom. Calling her everything in the book thats possible. We start cursing at eachother and what not. So my mom says to get out and so i go in my room and lay down on my bed just to think. She later then comes screaming into my room and telling me to get my ***** up and help her. I dont get that at all, but w/e. Later then i get up and help her she doesnt really want me too but she still gives me an attitude. I then follow her to her bedroom and start screaming at her saying life's not fair around you and all this crap. im starting to hate her and who she is becoming. She just left to go pick up the 3 foot hero and the cake for me. Dont get me wrong, i feel bad for what i did but she's a total moron sometimes. I told her not to leave me home alone because ill end up cutting myself and shes like, i dont care do what you want!! How much she cares? Jeeze. i hate my brother too he instigates throughout the whole argument/fight. grr. Now, my mom is threatining to put me away to residential or a state hospital because are insurance is up. I really dont want that but i cannot take her anymore!! And to tell you the truth, i really dont want to move out of the house i love her too much. sooo yeah. i dont know what to do. now, i'm here alone waiting for my family to come here and now i have to be like a different person in front of them when really im hurting inside. Ohh yeah, i started smoking again too, so that was another cause of the fight i had with her. anyways, dont know what to do would like some support. thanks everybody. Hope all of you are doing well, i know i'm not.
heh.

Deb

Deb,
For starters, I don't think it really helps matters to call your mother every name in the book. And it doesn't help to yell at her, either. I understand life can be frustrating at times. I also understand that you have problems in your life just like the rest of us here, but that still gives you no right to act out like that. Your mom is only human, too. She makes mistakes just like the rest of us. But it seems like she loves and cares for you! I mean she's inviting family over, buying you a cake and nice things for your birthday. She cares. She doesn't HAVE to do those things for you. She does it because she loves you and cares about you. Maybe you and your mother should think about getting some type of therapy together. I'm sorry your day has been so bad, and I hope it improves. Take care..

You're what, 15-16? If you were MY daughter and you acted like that toward me, you flat wouldn't have a birthday celebration!!

If you're not getting any help from your parents with whatever is wrong with you, then the first place to start to gain control of you and your life is with the pshyc counselor at your school!

When my oldest son (38 yrs old) raises his voice to me, all I have to do is remind him he's talking to his MOTHER!! The yelling stops immediately. When my youngest (27 yrs old) talks to me with disrespect and doesn't stop, I don't listen to him any more until he can talk to me with the fact in mind that he's talking to his MOTHER!! God forbid they should CUSS at me!!!!

You really do need to understand that to get what you want, you need to ask for it in a respectful tone of voice; whether it's understanding of a problem, a "toy" or whatever else you need or want. This is true throughout life. I learned the hard way that yelling and anger doesn't get you one damn thing except grief! It doesn't solve a single thing.

having been on the receiving end of a daughter's unfair wrath, i cannot tell you the pain it caused me. as her mother and as her friend. the day will come when you will both regret acting out as you do. i am not blaming you completely...don't assume that. a mother's job is to set an example so that the children know how to behave. it sounds as if to me that counseling for the two of you would be appropriate. happy birthday! xoxox pat

I'm really sorry you're having a bad day, but yelling at your mom the way you did doesn't help matters much. Believe me, yelling and namecalling doesn't solve anything...it just makes them worse. I don't have any children and have never called my mother names or yelled at her, but I have seen my sister do it. It's terrible to witness, and even worse on the people involved. I believe you are disrespecting your mother a lot and if you loved her the way you say you do, you would apologize to her and try to TALK to her about how you're feeling, not yelling and calling her every name in the book.

I'm just trying to give you helpful advice on how to have a better relationship with your mother. Trust me, talking things out will get things cleared much more easily than if you are yelling and calling names. If you're yelling and calling names people don't hear what you are saying...they just hear the yelling and namecalling...nothing more. So talking will help them to hear you better.

I know being young is a very hard place to be, but you have to change how you are doing things in order to get your needs and wants met. People are more willing to give you what you want when you ask nicely or tell them calmly. If you can't be calm, then take a time out for yourself by deep breathing, counting to 10, or something like that. I know you can do this. It is hard, but I have faith in you and your abilities.

Deb I am so sorry that on your birthday you have had such a hard time. Sometimes the just that company is coming and the birthday itself puts a strain on relationships. That does not excuse either of your behavior. Both you and your mother should recieve the respect you deserve. I am sorry that as a parent she has displayed a poor role model today. And I am sorry that you reciprocated in turn. Instead of letting the situation escalate into a no win situation next time you could remain calm and try and diffuse the situation. Inter family relationships can be so hard at times.

You may find that it may help both of you to see a family therapist to work through some of these issues. It would be sad to deteriorate a relationship that you seem to cherish.

I am not sure I understand your reference to cutting. Was that a threat or an actual concern on your part. Should you have really thought that being by yourself was threatening your being safe maybe you could have offered to go with her. It sounds to me like it would certainly benefit if you both explore your feelings and reasoning behind your si.

I hope your birhtday improved. Please consider getting some help with the issues between you and your mom. Please try and be safe you deserve it.

Dear dp, Wow, sounds like you and your Mom have set up a vicious cycle....... it's really hard to stop something once it's got going, but together you gals can do it. Somebody has to go first to stop it. Somebody has to be able to step back and decide, this behavior sucks, I'm not gonna do it anymore. Then approach the other when calm and suggest changes in bhavior. Like agreed upon rules of engagement: like you each agree: no yelling. I agree with the folks ho have already posted: counceling sounds like a really good idea for both of you, individually and together maybe even. Hard stuff, good luck. and HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I dont know how many times I have asked my son do to little things around the house that WE live in, he has never spoken back to me or sworn at me and he wouldnt dare. He has realised that I am his mother first and his best friend second. I cherish every moment when he is home (He's in the Army) but he's still the same and I wouldnt change a thing.

With regards to cleaning house and sharing with the chores, you shouldnt have to be asked, you should do it as a matter of course!! Its hard being a mom with all the other responsibilities that come with it, sometimes these little things go unseen, unnoticed and not appreciated.

I hope that you get your relationship with your Mum sorted out, have you ever stopped to think of the turmoils that she would go thru?

Your mum loves you!! Please remember that!! She obviously has respect for you by giving you the responsibility of making sure that your home is neat and tidy for visitors.

I hope that you dont see this as a 'lecture' but a bit of an insight on being a mum, its not all roses you know.