[kgibbs2845]

IIf I find myself enjoying something, I take it away. I dont want people to see me happy. I do this, I believe because I feel like I do not deserve to be happy. For example: I go to a store and put a few things in the basket for myself (nothing much), but then I tell myself "you dont need that...you dont deserve that" and leave my shopping cart and walk out empty handed. However, I love buying things for others....that makes me happy. Can anyone else relate to this or am I just crazy? I am 39 yrs old and have a pretty good life (job, family, etc)

[MyBestKids2]

Oh my gosh kgibbs2845, I can so relate. I'll put some clothing, nice perfumes etc...then put it all back and buy something for my kids or husband. I'm always last.

Dee

[Doh2007]

I also am having an o my gosh moment. I've been researching self sabotage and I found a podcast with a whole program to learn how not to. It's really excellent. One day she talked about how Walt Disney had a formula for making dreams come true. She tells is better, but it's basically keeping your inner critic separate from your dreamer part.

I think women are taught to put everyone else first, and we need to be taught how to put ourselves near the top of the list.

[Fuzzybear]

I relate
You are not crazy

[prairiedawn]

I sabotage my own happiness too. Not like putting things I want back at the store, more like I destroy good situations in general. I think I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like if I get too comfortable things will go to hell on their own anyway, so I need to destroy it first, so no one can do it for me. Bleh.

[AllyH88]

My middle name is 'self-sabotage' (not my actual name, but I can totally relate). I've found that for me it's so much easier to buy for others simply because it's easier to justify. But also because I know it will make the other person happy. The excitement I feel when I give to myself is fleeting-- I'll do what you do-- feel like I don't deserve it. I suppose that this is part of our healing-- easier said than done, of course.

If you're interested, medical intuitive, Carolyn (Caroline?) Myss has a book called "Sacred Contracts" in which she discusses four main ways people destroy their lives. Sabotage is one of them. It's spiritually, rather than scientifically based. I haven't finished it yet (I started it ages ago), so I can't tell you how helpful it is.

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Doh2007 said:
I think women are taught to put everyone else first, and we need to be taught how to put ourselves near the top of the list.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I agree. I was taught to give my "husband" (or whatever man was around) the larger, better piece/portion of meat and I still have trouble with that! I have a wonderful husband and have tried to work it through, even with his help, but it feels so bad to decide one piece of meat/burger is bigger or "better" in some way and then give it to myself. It's insane!

When I'm by myself now though I can think more clearly about myself and what I want and, as long as they're "comparable," I can get something for me since I usually always get things for him/others too.